In the Rain
by SalemCassidy
Summary: When the boys find love in unexpected places will they be torn apart by the fame monster or will they manage to cling to their new found happiness and fame at the same time. Secrets emerge and nothing will ever be the same. K/J&C/L. I do not own BTR.
1. In the Rain

Kendall was having the most delicious dream ever. He was lying in bed all by himself when suddenly he felt the soft weight of a head on his shoulder, a hand splayed across his chest and a leg spread across his. He couldn't see anything but the new body was warm, soft and firm. The leg across his lap provided a torturous amount of friction against him, just enough to feel but not enough to do anything. He squirmed trying to get a better angle until finally he bucked his hips up and moaned as he found what he was looking for. He turned his head and scent overwhelmed him, it was soft and clean but underneath there was something smoky that was so familiar something that screamed boy. He bucked his hip again when he heard a familiar giggle right next to his ear. He opened his eyes and bolted across James' body out of the bed; he didn't stop till he was halfway across the room.

"Jesus! James, inappropriate touching!" He shouted grabbing a pillow from his roommate's bed to cover himself with. James sat on the edge of the bed, when Kendall shouted he bowed his head like a chastised puppy. "What are you doing in my bed?" Kendall asked calming down a little bit.

"I couldn't go back to sleep." James said staring down at his feet. His voice was small, quiet, and broken and Kendall knew he was screwed. That kind of voice could do horrible things to men and women alike. It could make them pick up arms or fall in love. It made Kendall cross the room back to the bed and sit down next to his friend.

"What happened?" He asked wrapping his arm around James' drooping shoulders.

"It was my dad." Kendall's arm tightened reflexively, squeezing James' shoulders. Budd Diamond had been a monster worthy of any child's nightmares. "He was alive and he came to California looking for me. I was out somewhere when I came back to the apartment Carlos and Logan were in the living room floor." James' voice wavered and cracked for a moment. "I came in here and you were in bed. Your lips were blue and you were staring up at the ceiling and there was so much blood." His voice broke and dissolved into ragged sobs. Kendall tucked the crying boy in against his chest and ran his fingers through his hair.

"He's dead, Jamie, he's not coming back to hurt any of us." He said still stroking his friend's hair. It was the softest thing he'd ever felt and it made his fingers feel warm. James sat back sniffling quietly and simply stared at Kendall. After a moment he raised his fingers and touched Kendall's lips. Kendall watched and gasped softly as the long, blunt fingers brushed against his skin as gently as a moth's wing. Kendall watched James' eyes flicker from his mouth up to his eyes and back again before he moistened his lips and moved towards him.

"We have rehearsals at nine; we should probably get some sleep." He said a little too quickly.

"Yeah, okay, you're right." James sighed before climbing from the bed.

"Where are you going?" Kendall asked as he slid back in the bed against the wall and patted the empty mattress beside him. James looked at him for a while before smiling and walking back to the bed. Kendall pretended not to notice the pleased blush that painted James cheeks as he stood by the bed with his hair covering most of his face. He waited patiently for Kendall to settle into his usual comfortable sprawl before he lay down beside him curling into the narrow space left on the edge of the bed. He lay there perfectly still listening to Kendall's breath. When it slowed and deepened he snuggled into the shorter boy. His head found the perfect niche between Kendall's neck and shoulder, his arm stretched across his narrow chest, and his knee across Kendall's splayed legs. He lay there soaking in the smaller boy's warmth for a while before he sat up on his elbow and leaned over to kiss Kendall gently on the lips before lying to sleep. It was too dark for him to see Kendall's lips twist into a small grin.

Katie was always the first one up in the morning, it gave her a few minutes of television and time to sneak a cup of coffee before her Mom got up to stumble into the kitchen and start breakfast. Every morning she got up, went to the living room, turned the television on low, and went into the kitchen to get her coffee. She came back to the living room and sat her coffee down on the coffee table before going to check on Kendall. It had started a few months after their dad left, she checked on him before she went to sleep and when she got up, just to make sure he was still there and alright. That morning was a little different, when she opened the door to Kendall and James' bedroom the shaft of light coming from the living room fell across Kendall's bed but he wasn't alone. She had to press her fingers to her lips to keep from laughing as she recognized James' shaggy head lying on her brother's bare chest, his fingers curled around Kendall's ribs.

She had no idea what had happened last night, but she knew that Kendall was going to wake up with a fair amount of boy drool on his chest and that was enough to keep her smiling all day. She stood in the doorway for a while longer without realizing how long it was putting her behind schedule. When she heard the door open to the room she and her mother shared she quickly reached forward and pulled Kendall's door closed. There are some things moms shouldn't have to try and piece out before coffee.

"Katie what are you doing, hon?" Her mom asked fuzzily as he walked stiffly towards the kitchen.

"Just checking on Kendall, Mommy." Katie replied slipping into her guise of ultimate innocence.

"That's sweet, whose coffee is this?" She asked picking the cup up from the table. "It's still warm."

"I poured it for you, Mommy." Katie said groaning inwardly, there went her coffee.

"Thank you sweetie, but Mommy doesn't take her coffee black." She went to the kitchen and tipped a heaping dose of creamer and sugar into the cup. Katie's eyes narrowed as she watched her beautiful Columbian roast turn a muddy brown colour. She waited until her mother raised the cup to her lips before speaking.

"Mommy, what does gay mean?" She asked grinning devilishly before ducking behind the counter as her mother launched a fine spray of coffee into the air.

When the alarm clock went off Kendall woke slowly, the first thought that crossed his mind was how cold and empty the bed seemed without James in it. He sat up quickly as a half memory of soft heat against his lips rose from the depths of his mind. A whisper of a smile crossed his face before he stood up and headed towards the kitchen. If James was already in the shower it would probably still be fifteen minutes at least before he could get in there. He walked into the kitchen stretching. His mom stood at the stove sipping a cup of coffee, stirring a plate of eggs.

"Good morning." She said smiling as he sat down at the counter in front of his bowl of oatmeal. The warm scent of cinnamon and nutmeg curled up in tendrils of steam from the bowl.  
"Morning, Mom." He said before taking a bite of the warm, spicy mush.

"The funniest thing happened this morning." She commented as she turned and shoveled a pile of eggs on each of the plates lined up on the counter in front of her.

"What's that?" He asked curling his nose as the scent of eggs swelled up and overwhelmed his oatmeal.

"When I got up Katie had fixed me a cup of coffee and was standing in front of your door." Kendall shifted nervously and took another bite of oatmeal to avoid commenting. "Then she asked me what gay was." Kendall startled and choked on his oatmeal coughing to clear it from his throat. "That was my reaction too." Mrs. Knight said as she handed him a dishtowel to clean the bits of sputtered oats off his chest. "I wonder what made her ask that."

"I have no idea." Kendall said hurriedly.

"What's that?" She asked gesturing to a patch of dry white film on his upper chest. "It looks like drool, how did you manage that?"

"I don't know, I really don't." Kendall said scrubbing at the drool. "I'm going to go see if James is out of the shower yet." He said sliding down from the stool and heading back towards his bedroom.

"But you didn't finish your oatmeal." She called after him.

"I'm not really hungry right now." He replied as he closed the door behind him. She shrugged as she picked up his bowl and spooned a glob of oats into her mouth.

When James did get out of the shower Kendall was sitting on the bed with his knees curled up to his chest. James came out of the bathroom with a fluffy white towel wrapped around his waist; the towel wasn't exactly made for someone as tall as he was so it hung well above his knee. Kendall watched as he crossed the room and pulled a pair of blue shorts out of his dresser and pulled them up under his towel. His back was to Kendall and when he pulled the boxers up his back the towel came up before the shorts. Kendall caught a lot of skin; he had never realized just how much skin there was on James. Every inch of it was tan, cream and smooth. Kendall had spent the entire night with that skin stretched against him and now his fingers itched to reach out and glide over the soft contours of James' back.

"Are you okay? You look kind of frazzled." James asked quietly as he pulled the towel from around his waist and dropped it on his bed.

"I think Katie saw us." Kendall said rubbing his hand up and down his arm to dispel the urge to touch the tight skin over James' thigh. "Mom said she was standing outside our door when she woke up, and she asked her what gay was." James didn't flinch as he went to the closet and pulled out a black shirt.

"I had a nightmare; I got into bed with you, that's not gay." He said as he pulled the shirt over his head.

"I woke up rubbing myself on your leg, this morning I had a patch of dried drool on my nipple, it was kind of gay, James." Kendall said his voice going high and tight. James grabbed a pair of socks from the dresser and pulled them on his feet before walking back to the closet to pull out a pair of tight low rise jeans.

"Do you want it to be a gay thing?" He asked as he sat down and pulled the jeans up his legs. Kendall's mouth moved but no sound came out as James stood and pulled the jeans up and buttoned them.

"I need to take a shower." Kendall said climbing from the bed and nearly ran into the bathroom.

"Of course you do." James said bitterly to the closed door as he pulled a pair of ankle cut boots out from under his bed and pulled them on. Talk about mixed messages, Kendall freaked out when he woke up grinding against his knee and jumped out of bed, he said they needed sleep when James tried to kiss him, but he invited him back to bed with him. The whole time he was getting dressed he could feel Kendall's eyes burning across his skin but when he asked him how he felt he runs into the bathroom. James stood with a huff and went into the living room.

"Good morning, James." Mrs. Knight said brightly as she put a plate of sausage and eggs in front of his place at the table.

"Morning, Momma Knight." He said dully as he stared balefully down at the sausage.

"You don't sound so good; I hope you boys aren't getting sick." She said putting a glass of orange juice beside his plate.

"I'm fine, just a little tired, I don't know what's wrong with Kendall." He said unable to scrub all the ire out of his voice. Her eyebrows went up and she smiled gently.

"Getting a bit tired of sharing a room?" She asked still smiling.

"No, Kendall's a great roommate; it's just sometimes I don't think he even knows what he wants." James said pushing his eggs around his plate with his fork. Miranda had turned to fill top off her coffee but she stopped dead in the middle of the kitchen floor the coffee sloshing around her cup.

"Forget I said anything," James said standing from the table. He dropped his fork on his plate with a clang and headed towards the door. "I'm going to try and catch some quiet time by the pool before Kelly comes to pick us up." He said walking to the door and closing it behind him.

"But it's raining…and you didn't finish your breakfast." She said staring at the untouched food on James' plate. She looked over at the empty bowl that had held Kendall's half eaten oatmeal. Katie and James' words flowed back through her mind and she took a final sip of coffee before dividing what the food on James' plate between Logan and Carlos' plates. She poured herself another cup of coffee and sat down on the stool behind the counter. She sipped the coffee as she stared off into space, deep in thought.

When Kendall came out of his room dressed she was still sitting at the counter staring at the blank television screen her coffee forgotten and cold in front of her. Kendall grabbed a bottle of juice out of the fridge and sat down at the counter. He was a portrait of misery as he unscrewed the lid and took a drink. She looked at him; his eyes looked a little red.

"Kendall, honey is there anything you want to tell me? Anything at all it doesn't matter." She said quietly staring at him intensely. He looked at her and sighed heavily.

"No, not right now, did James' say where he was going?" She nodded gently; it was answer enough for her.

"Yeah, he said he was going to try and catch some quiet time by the pool." Kendall nodded and headed towards the door. "Don't I get a kiss?" Kendall turned and dropped a peck on her cheek before crossing back to the door.

"Hey, where is everyone?" Logan asked as he came out of the bedroom he and Carlos shared.

"In the rain." She said quietly as she poured her cold coffee into the sink and walked to her bedroom. Logan shrugged and tucked into his breakfast.

Kendall finally found James' standing huddled underneath a small awning by the pool. There wasn't really enough room underneath the narrow overhang for them both so he stood quietly in the rain waiting for James to say something. James didn't even acknowledge him. Kendall turned and walked halfway back to the building before he turned and came back to stand in front of his friend.

"I don't know yet, I'm sorry, okay?" He asked reaching out to grab James' hand.

"You don't know? What don't you know, don't you like me?" James asked looking down at their hands.

"No, I don't like you." He said tightening his grip as James' tried to pull his hand away. "I love you, James. I love you and Carlos and Logan. You are all like brothers to me and that's why I don't know. I've never thought of you that way before and I don't know if I want to risk our friendship."

"Are you thinking of me that way now?" James asked watching Kendall through the shade of his bangs.

"Yes, oh my god, yes. Your hair is the softest thing I've ever touched it's like kitten fur, your skin is warm and soft and firm all at the same time, and you smell so good. You smell like soap and sex and I can't believe I've never noticed before. But I'm afraid that if thing go wrong between us it'll tear us apart, tear our friends apart, and tear the band apart." Kendall said his voice catching a little as he spoke. "And I don't know what is worse, never being able to touch you like this again." He said reaching up to smooth his hand over the other boy's cheek. "Or us breaking up and never seeing you again."

"Alright," James said as Kendall dropped his hand back to his side.

"Alright, that's all you have to say?" He asked.

"Yeah, alright. It's your decision to make, I've already made mine. Kelly's here." James stepped out around Kendall into the rain and walked towards the limo.

"What are you doing, you're soaking wet?" Kelly asked as she walked towards Kendall.

"I don't even know anymore." He said, he stepped around her and headed towards the limo. She watched him walk away before dashing towards the Palmwoods to get Logan and Carlos.

On the way to the studio Carlos, Logan, and Kelly talked about the day's schedule. James sat and stared out the window without speaking. Kendall sat across from him and watched him. Carlos and Logan were oblivious but Kelly noticed. She watched the other two boys uneasily. She knew that something had happened before she got to the Palmwoods, she wasn't sure what but she knew all the boys well enough to know when they were hurting. James and Kendall were definitely hurting.

When they got to the studio James climbed out of the limo and walked off towards the doors without looking back. Kelly, Logan, and Carlos got out and stood underneath the awning watching him go. For the first time Logan noticed something was wrong. He looked from his friends retreating back to the worried look on Kelly's face.

"What's going on with him?" He asked.

"I don't know." She said shaking her head sadly.

"It's none of your business." Kendall said gruffly as he pushed past them and walked towards the front doors.

"What's wrong with them?" Carlos amended as the door swung shut behind Kendall. Kelly shook her head and followed them into the studio.

They tried to have rehearsals but after an hour Gustavo screamed at them to get out. Kendall had stumbled over lyrics that he knew so many times that he wanted to crawl in a hole and hide. James sung like his heart was broken even though they were supposed to be singing a fast song. The longer James sung the harder it was for Kendall to concentrate. As they filed out to go to the limo Gustavo turned down the mic in the recording studio and turned to Kelly.

"What's wrong with my dawgs?" He asked turning to Kelly.

"If I knew I would fix it." Kelly said quietly as she watched them leave.

When the limo got back to the hotel Logan and Carlos piled out and headed towards the lobby. James went and sat down at a table underneath a portico his head in his hands. Kendall stopped and watched him for a few moments before turning and walking into the lobby. Carlos and Logan glanced at each other before running to catch up with him.

"What did you do?" Carlos asked as he caught up with Kendall and put his hand on his shoulder. Kendall spun and knocked Carlos' hand away.

"I already told you it's none of your business." He growled jabbing his finger at the two of them.

"We've never seen James like this before, we're worried." Logan said quietly. "We've never seen you like this before."

"Just stay out of it." Kendall said before disappearing onto the elevator. When he walked into the apartment his mother was sitting on the couch with her hands glasped in her lap. Kendall headed towards his room without saying a word.

"Kendall, can we talk." She asked standing quickly.

"Not right now, please, Mom, not right now." He said turning back to his room. She had heard the tremble in his voice and saw the tears brimming in his eyes.

"Yes, right now." She said walking over and grabbing his arm. "Sit down, please?" She asked her tone pleading. He looked at her miserably before letting her lead him back to the couch. When Logan and Carlos burst through the door she barely looked up at them. "Could you two go to your room for while?"

"Sure, Momma Knight." Logan said grabbing Carlos' wrist and dragging him into their room.

"What's going on Kendall?" She asked turning back to her son.

"I think I'm in love with James." He said looking without looking up from his lap. "And I'm so scared." She took her fingers and tilted his face so she could see him. Tears flowed freely from his eyes. She wrapped her arms around him and pulled him to her, he rested his head on her shoulder and started sobbing. "I'm afraid things won't work out and we'll never see each other again, but I love him so much. I can't stand to see him like this."

"Kendall, baby you and James have been friends forever. There is no better way to start a relationship than that. Now I want you to answer a question for me. Can you go the rest of your life loving him like this without being with him?"

"No." Kendall said sitting back and scrubbing his eyes.

"Then you know what you need to do." She said smiling at him through the tears running down her own face. Kendall got up from the couch and went into his room. He changed into dry clothes and sat down on the bed to wait for James. He was more tired than he thought because he fell asleep before James came back.

He woke up to the sound of a strangled whimper. He jumped to his feet and found James curled up in his bed shivering. He walked over to the bed and tried to shake James awake but the other boy only curled more tightly.

"Kendall, please wake up, don't die." James whimpered in his sleep. Kendall shook his head and climbed into the bed and wrapped his arms around James' shaking shoulder.

"Jamie baby, wake up I'm right here. I'm alright, I'm not going anywhere." He said rubbing James' back and dropping small kisses across his face. Finally James' eyes flew open and he grabbed hold of Kendall tears flooding down his face. "I love you; I love you so much I never thought anything could feel like this." James didn't say a word he simply curled deeper into Kendall's chest. When James' shoulder finally stopped shaking Kendall pulled away just enough that he could see his face. "I made my decision; whatever happens it's worth it. This is worth it." He said smoothing his hand across his cheek before leaning in to take his lips in a kiss.


	2. Dark Little Corner

Logan and Carlos' room was a study in contrasts. If you had a piece of tape and enough bravery to get close enough to Carlos' side you could draw a straight line down the middle. The left was Carlos' cluttered and dotted with piles of clean and dirty clothes distinguishable only by the intensity of their scent. The right was Logan's perfectly in order right down to the hospital corners on the sheet, sharp enough to cut paper. When the boys came in Carlos toed his shoes off at the foot of his bed, peeled his shirt off and climbed into bed. Logan hit the button on his air freshener and sat down on the edge of his bed with his hands clasped over his knees.

"I wonder what's going on with them." Logan asked after a few moments of silence.

"I don't know," Carlos said barley looking up from his comic book. "You don't think they might be…" He allowed his sentence to peter off and waggled his eyebrows.

"What, Kendall and James might be gay? I mean come on we've been friends forever if there was anything going on between them wouldn't we know about it?" Logan asked scratching the back of his head.

"I don't know about Kendall but James has always cared more about how he looks than any straight dude should." Carlos said shrugging. "If I had to put money on any of us being gay it would be him…or you." He said looking up to give Logan a mischievous grin.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Logan scoffed.

"You're such a prissy little thing. You could perform surgery over there, you never take off your shoes unless you're about to go to bed, you even wear shoes in the shower." Carlos said lying his comic book on the nearest pile.

"That's because I've seen the way you live and I'd rather not develop a constant case of athlete's foot." Logan replied curling his nose up as Carlos twisted his bare toes in his sheet. "What if they are gay?" Logan asked changing the subject before it could lead to a fight.

"I dunno, they're still my bro's…they'll just be my bros that make out in their room." Carlos said shrugging.

"Really?" Logan asked.

"Yeah, I mean they're still the same guys I've known for years, and if they're making out with each other they won't be trying to make out with me." Carlos said shrugging.

"What if I were gay?" Logan asked. Carlos' face scrunched into a thoughtful expression.

"If you are you're not hot for me." Carlos said scratching his belly. "If you were you'd have already tried something by now."

"What if I did?" Logan asked his eyebrows knitting with consternation.

"Try something?" Carlos asked smiling. "Well I guess it would depend on what you tried and how good you were at it." He said grinning as he stood up from his bed. He unbuckled his belt, unbuttoned his jeans and pushed them to the floor along with his boxers. Logan didn't even flinch; he had realized after a week of living with Carlos that the boy had no modesty. He went into the shower naked, he came out of the shower naked, he went to bed naked. Logan had also learned fairly quickly that he could see all he wanted of Carlos's body without looking away from his face. Carlos stood there for a moment as if giving Logan the opportunity to try something before he walked to the bathroom and shut the door behind him. The moment the door closed Logan was on his feet and pacing up and down the band of clean floor between his bed and Carlos' side of the room. He paced for minutes listening to the toilet flush and the shower turn on. When the shower had been running for a little while he dashed through the piles to the shirt that Carlos had taken off and grabbed it; he held it up to his nose and breathed deeply before throwing it down and walking over to the bedroom door.

"Can I come out now?" He asked through a crack in the door.

"Yeah, sweetie, it's alright." He heard Mrs. Knight reply. "You hungry?" She asked as he opened the door and stepped out into the apartment. She was standing in the kitchen, every few moments she glanced over at Kendall and James' door. He wondered which one was in there.

"No, I'm going to go get a little fresh air." He said heading towards the door.

"It's still raining." She said as he opened the door.

"I might go try to find Camille then." He said closing it behind him. A few moments after he left Carlos came out of the bedroom smirking, his hair was dry and he was wearing the same clothes he as when he went in.

"Please tell me you're at least hungry." Mrs. Knight said looking up hopefully. Carlos' face melted into its usual simple innocence.

"I could eat," he said shrugging as he walked over to the counter.

"I don't know what's wrong with Logan today, normally he can eat anytime." She said as she began pulling food from the freezer and pans from the cabinets.

"He's worried about Kendall and James and he's got his own stuff on his mind." Carlos replied smiling. It had taken him about a month to realize something was up with Logan. Contrary to popular belief he wasn't as air headed as everyone thought. He started to notice that every time he came out of the shower his clothes weren't where he left them. He knew where everything was in his rooms, and as careless as it looked he knew exactly which pile he threw his shirt on when he took it off and where he took his pants and boxers off. When he started noticing the moving clothes he gave Logan the benefit of the doubt and figured he might be slipping a little. But then he made sure he took note of where he dropped his clothes and they still moved. So one day he laid a trap. He undressed as usual but when he went into the bathroom he didn't close the door all the way. He turned on the shower and waited for a about five minutes before sneaking back to the door and easing it open wide enough to peek out. Sure enough his prissy, neat freak roommate was standing in the middle of their room with his nose buried in his shirt. It was the hottest thing he'd ever seen, sometimes like today, he would pretend to take a shower just so he could watch the squirrely little thing sniff his dirty clothes.

"I'm not surprised you boys noticed something was going on." Mrs. Knight said off handedly as she started cooking. "Do you have any idea what's going on?"

"James is in love with Kendall." Carlos said simply. He smiled when she dropped the skillet she had been holding.

"How does that make you feel?" She asked and she bent down to pick up the pan.

"If Kendall doesn't feel the same way I feel sorry for James, if he does then good for them." He said shrugging his shoulders.

"Really?" She asked turning to look at him.

"Why does everyone keep asking me that?" She stood watching him for a moment before turning to set the skillet down on the stove.

"Because most teenage boys aren't really that comfortable with homosexuality, especially when it's their friends." She said as she dropped ground beef into the pan.

"Then they really didn't care about their friends in the first place." He said shaking his head. "Besides if they're chasing after each other it means more honeys for me." Mrs. Knight started laughing. She laughed until she was bent double in the middle of the kitchen floor. When she finally stopped she went back to cooking scrubbing tears out of the corner of her eyes with the back of her hand.

"Thank you, Carlos baby, I needed that." She said as she began chopping up onions into the pan.

"You're worried about them huh?" He asked as he watched her stir the beef and onions.

"Oh god yes, life isn't going to be easy for them, not even out here in California." She said as she dumped the ground beef and onions into a colander. "All you boys are in the public eye and that means you can't live your lives like normal people. I mean that Bass boy just came out recently and they haven't had a hit song in years."

"Does it really matter how they have to act out there as long as they can be together in there?" He asked nodding towards Kendall and James' room." Carlos asked.

"I don't know, I guess not, but it can still be tough. You all are my boys; it's a mother's job to worry." She said shrugging as she dumped a can of tomatoes into the skillet.

"Well you don't have to worry about me, Mamma Knight; I know exactly what I want." Carlos said smiling warmly.

"What's that, Carlos?" She asked as she broke the tomatoes up with her a wooden spoon and added the hamburger and onions back to the pan.

"Well if I tell you it might now come true." He said winking. She shook her head and smiled as she dropped spaghetti into a pot of boiling water. Just then the door opened and James walked in. He didn't say a word as he walked towards the bedroom he shared with Kendall. They both watched him go.

"Whatever you want, Carlos, go after it. It's not worth being miserable for any reason." She said shaking her head sadly. After that they didn't speak she cooked and he watched. Carlos could tell from looking at her that Mrs. Knight was listening as hard as she could. He figured that Kendall was already in the room when James went in. He could have heard better by going into his bathroom and listening at the wall, but he stayed at the counter, he could tell that she needed the company whether it was silent or not.

"Hey, what's up?" Camille asked as she opened the door to find Logan standing in the hallway. He looked uncomfortable as he stood in the hallway, the tip of one shoe drawing patterns in the carpet.

"I just needed to get out of the room." He said.

"Come on in, any port in a storm." She said stepping back and curtseying gracefully.

"I'm really sorry about this." He said as he walked into her apartment. He stood just within the door still looking just as uncomfortable.

"I told you already, Logan, I'm okay with it. You don't like girls, there's no point in me chasing after you. If you liked girls your ass would be mine though." She said tweaking the seat of his pants as she walked by. He jumped but couldn't help but smile. Camille was the first person he had come out too. He couldn't stand keeping it to himself anymore; he thought it would drive him insane. But he couldn't tell the guys, he didn't know how they would react and he was afraid Mrs. Knight would freak out and call his mom. So he killed two birds with one stone, he told Camille, she immediately stopped trying to go out with him and he had shared his secret.

"So what's going on today?" She asked as she curled into a comfortable but elegant position on the couch before patting the cushions beside her.

"There's something going on with Kendall and James and they won't talk to anyone about it. Carlos thinks they might be gay and we had a big conversation about that."

"Oh really, how'd that go?" She asked grinning indulgently. Logan repeated the entire conversation as best as he could remember. "Oh my, you must be one confused little puppy." She said arching her eyebrows as he finished talking.

"I know right? It sounded like an invitation, but this is Carlos, if he wanted to have sex with me he'd just hit me over the head and drag me back to his cave." Logan said scratching the back of his head.

"I don't think you give him enough credit." Camille said shrugging her shoulders. "Have you ever considered that he only pretends to be stupid so no one will notice when he's doing something devious?"

"The boy wears a helmet constantly….he took a shower in it one day." Logan said gesticulating furiously.

"You said it was hot." Camille said grinning.

"We've already established that I'm a disturbed individual." Logan said brushing off her comment.

"You're not disturbed, Logan, you're a teenage boy, who likes boys, who lives with another teenage boy who doesn't like to wear clothes. I'm honestly surprised you haven't peeled your skin off and ran for the hills yet."

"Me too." Logan said emphatically scratching the back of his head again.

"If you don't stop that you're going to give yourself dandruff again." Camille said reaching over to take his hand and force it down to his lap.

"I just don't get it; no one else affects me like he does. I never stared at Kendall or James like that." Logan said fisting his hand in the cloth of his slacks to keep it out of his hair.

"That's because James is a beauty queen and Kendall is just your run of the mill average guy. Carlos is a dirty little mud monkey and that appeals to some dark little corner of your mind that is rebelling against the rest of you." She said tapping him on the nose.

"So I'm attracted to Carlos because he's my complete and total opposite and I find that kinky."

"Duh, we've had this conversation a hundred times before, and Carlos is the dense one." She said rolling her eyes.

"Okay, so let's say he does want something to happen, why isn't he doing anything about it?" Logan asked cocking his head.

"Probably because it's a lot more fun to watch you squirm, it is really fun to watch you squirm." Camille said grinning vindictively. "Why don't you do anything about it?"

"Because I'm afraid." Logan said his voice whiney.

"Well he already gave you the green light, get out of my house." She said imperiously point towards the door.

"You can't be serious, Camille, I can't just go back and hop in his lap." Logan said rolling his eyes.

"Sure you can, just make sure you're good at it; now get out of my house little squirrely man." She said standing from the couch and grabbing Logan's wrist to pull him from the couch. She pushed him to the door gently.

"What if you're wrong and he freaks out?" Logan asked turning as she pushed him out the door.

"Then one of you can come down here and sleep in my couch." She said slamming the door in his face. "God knows, if someone doesn't have sex with you soon you're going to explode." She said to the closed door before turning back to walk to the couch.

When Logan got back to the apartment Mrs. Knight, Katie, and Carlos were sitting at the table eating spaghetti and meat sauce. When he walked through the door the three looked up. Carlos poked and extra large forkful of spaghetti in his mouth smearing the sauce around his mouth and down his chin before grinning widely at his friend. Mrs. Knight blinked at him for a moment then glanced at Logan before hiding a smile behind a sip of ice water.

"How was the fresh air?" She asked setting her glass on the table.

"Wet, I went to visit Camille." He said as he walked to the kitchen. He pulled a plate out of the cabinet and piled spaghetti on it before taking his seat at the table.

"How was the air head?" Katie asked.

"Mean." He said without looking up from his plate. "Isn't that what you were wearing when we got home today?" He asked glancing at Carlos.

"Yeah." Carlos said shoveling another messy fork of food into his mouth.

"I thought you took a shower."

"Nah, changed my mind." Carlos said half chewed food showing as he spoke. Logan cringed and went on with his meal.

Just then the door to Kendall and James' room opened and they walked out. Both boys' faces were tearstained and their eyes were bloodshot but their hands were clasped tightly together. Carlos looked up from the table with a string of spaghetti hanging from the corner of his mouth. Katie clapped happily and bounced up and down before looking utterly confused when her mother looked her way. Logan's mouth was hanging open. Mrs. Knight merely smiled, she looked relieved and worried at the same time.

"Um…guys we have something to tell you." Kendall said, he held up James' hand clasped in his own and pursed his lips together.

"Told you they were gay." Carlos said nudging Logan's shoulder.

"You said James' was gay." Logan said rubbing his arm.

"I said you were gay too." Carlos said grinning at him.

"Boys, Kendall and James are trying to tell us something." Mrs. Knight said scowling at them.

"Oh forget about it, everyone already knows." James said kissing Kendall on the cheek. "Do I smell spaghetti?"  
"It's on the stove, help yourselves." She said pointing towards the kitchen. "I need to talk to you boys sometime….alone." She said as Kendall took two plates out of the cabinet and handed one to James. He flinched but couldn't help but smile when James' grinned and winked at him. Carlos and Login tucked into their plates quickly barely tasting their food.

"I'm going to go watch television." Katie said dropping her fork on the plate and heading towards her bedroom. When Carlos and Logan finished their plates they headed towards their room.

"Okay, we're alone now." Kendall said looking up from his plate when the door closed behind his friends.

"I just wanted to set up some new house rules; you always knew you weren't allowed to have girls in the rooms. I guess that really doesn't apply now. I'm not going to make you swap roommates with Logan and Carlos because only they can put with each other." Mrs. Knight said crossing her arms in front of her on the table.

"So we can't share a bed." James said quietly. Mrs. Knight blinked before answering.

"I don't see any problem with you two sleeping together if you want too, because Logan and Carlos are free to share a bed if they want to, but you shouldn't fool around. It's not fair to everyone else, Carlos and Logan aren't allowed to have girls in their rooms for that same reason."

"Alright, Mom, no fooling around…in our room." He said grinning.

"Kendall Alistair Knight!" She growled glaring at him.

"Don't worry, Mamma Knight, we'll be good." James said smiling at her.

"You better be, I'm in whole new territory now. I have no idea what I'm doing." She said. "Now I'm going to go talk to your sister because she's not nearly as confused as she should be and I want to know why."


	3. Dirty Up the Boy

Disclaimer: I do not own Big Time Rush, or any of the characters there of, if I did we'd all be a lot more happy though. I also do not own the GooGoo Doll Album 'Dizzy up the Girl' I just paraphrased the title because it was awesome because it made me squee.

After bolting their spaghetti down Logan and Carlos ran to hide in their room. Neither of them had had to deal with Mamma Knights tougher side as much as Kendall and Katie but it was still a fearsome thing. It had to be to cow the either of the Knight kids. Carlos and Logan never wanted to see it firsthand. As Carlos closed the door behind him his other hand was already tugging at the bottom of his t-shirt. He pulled it over his head and dropped it by the bed. He toed off his shoes and climbed onto his bed. Logan watched the process and sat down on his bed scratching furiously at the back of his head as he picked up a medical text book and began leafing through it. Carlos stretched out and watched his roommate smirking. Logan tried to read for a few more minutes before he finally sat the book aside and looked up at Carlos.

"What?" He snapped as he saw the slovenly boy grinning at him.

"Dude, you've got fleas again." Carlos said his simple grin breaking into a full earth searing smile.

"I do not have fleas." Logan grunted barely managing to stop himself before his hand went back to his hair. "A lot of things are going on lately and it's making me nervous."

"I noticed." Carlos said. "Told you they were gay."

"Yeah, you've got epic gay-dar, now would you shut up and let me read in peace." Logan growled picking up his book.

"Dude, you started the conversation." Carlos said grinning again. Messing with Logan was one of his favorite things. The other boy didn't rise to the bait so Carlos decided to up the ante. He climbed back out of bed and pealed his pants down his legs before heading to the bathroom. He turned on the shower and stood by the door listening for Logan to move.

Logan watched Carlos go into the bathroom over top his book. When the door closed behind his friend he dropped the book beside his bed and latched onto the sheet with his fingers balling his hands into fists. He refused to do it twice in one day, he didn't care how good Carlos smell he was a civilized, intelligent adult, he could prevent himself from burying his face in Carlos' clothes. But it wasn't easy. He whimpered and pulled at the sheets as he imagined the faintest whisp of the helmet headed boy's scent drift by his face. When the fabric between his fingers ripped with a loud fleshy sound he bounded from the bed and grabbed up Carlos' shirt inhaling the spicy musk. His heart stuttered to a stop when he heard the bathroom door open.

It took longer than usual for Logan to move and Carlos was beginning to wonder if the other boy was going to fall for the bait. He had almost given up when he heard the sound of tearing fabric and the quick frantic patter of Logan's feet across the thin carpet. He counted to five to give Logan time enough to get the shut to his face before he threw open the door and dashed into the bedroom. Logan went stiff as the door opened. Carlos watched him turn slowly the shirt still pressed to his nose his pupils tiny. Carlos took a step towards him and he shrieked throwing the shirt at his head and darting away.

"I'm sorry, please don't kill me, I won't do it again." The other boy shouted rapid fire as he lept onto Carlos bed and backed into the corner. The sentence ran together in one long panicked word. Carlos moved towards the bed with his arms out to catch the other boy, he was genuinely afraid Logan was going to hurt himself. Logan mistook the gesture and leapt from Carlos' bed to his own before running to the foot of it and hopping into the bathroom the door slamming shut behind him.

"Wow, you really are like a squirrel." Carlos said shaking his head as he walked towards the closed door. He knocked gently. "Logan, come one out."

"No, what I did was disgusting and stupid but I'm too damn young to die." Logan replied from his position crouched in the narrow space between the toilet and the bathtub.

"Logan, open the door I'm not going to kill you, I promise." Carlos said shaking his head.

"I don't believe you." Logan replied. Carlos flinched, the last words had come out in a kind of warped singsong. He had always known that Logan was wound a little too tight but he didn't realize jumping out of the bathroom on him would cause him to snap. Just then someone knocked on the bedroom door. Carlos pulled on his boxers and went over to open it. Kendall stood in the hallway his heavy eyebrows arched low over his nose.

"What are you two doing, it sounded like you were head butting the wall again." Kendall asked peering past Carlos into the room. Carlos' side of the room was in worse shape than usual, the quasi neat piles that normally surrounded his bed like bunkers were toppled all over the floor. On Logan's side of the looked fairly normal but his bed was trashed, the sheet was rumpled and torn.

"I think I broke Logan's brain." Carlos said innocently as he looked over his shoulder at the bathroom door.

"How did you manage that?" Kendall asked raising one eyebrow.

"I promise I'll tell you later, right now I need to get him out of the bathroom." Carlos said prancing anxiously.

"Kendall is that you help me!" Logan said as he stuck his head out of the bathroom door. Carlos pushed Kendall's face back through the bedroom door and closed it before turning to dash back towards the bathroom. Logan pulled his head back in and managed to close the door but he didn't have time to locked it and couldn't with Carlos' hand twisting the knob so he through his entire weight against the door. Logan was a bit taller than Carlos but he was scrawny, Carlos wasn't. He was built short and thick and it didn't take him long to push the door open. He was more careful when he got into the bathroom, he half expected Logan to spring onto the toilet and over his head. Instead hunkered in the corner beside the tub and started whimpering. Carlos stopped and stared down at the other boy.

"Dude, if I didn't kill you the first time I saw you do it why would I kill you now?" The change in Logan was sudden in violent. He went from curled into the corner to standing with his finger jabbing at Carlos' chest.

"YOU KNEW?" Carlos Garcia feared few things in the world, among them were Mamma Knights angry face, Katie's scheming, and waking James from a beauty nap. Logan was suddenly added to that list. He backed away quickly jumping as his back met the cold wood of the bathroom door. "You knew this entire time and you just sat back and watched. I have been going out of my mind over you. You and your body that's tanned from head to toe. You and your goddamned unimaginable scent. You and your freaking naked struts to the bathroom. I'm going to kill you." Logan lunged, his hands going for Carlos' throat. Carlos ducked and darted under Logan's outstretched hands. He was barely quick enough to turn and pin the smaller boy against the door.

"Calm down, Logan." He said pressing the other boys narrow shoulders into the door. Logan went a little limp surprised by the shorter boy's strength. He couldn't move if he wanted to.

"You suck." Logan whimpered glaring down at Carlos.

"Good idea." Carlos leaned his head in close to Logan and latched his lips on the patch of soft skin at corner of Logan's jaw. He sucked on the skin first gently then hard until finally a low moan escape thrummed through the skin and Logan's leg twitched.

"Why didn't you say anything?" Logan asked when Carlos leaned back.

"Because it was hot, you sniff my clothes; I hide and watch you from the bathroom. If I told you I thought you might stop." Carlos said shrugging without letting go of Logan's shoulders.

"What changed your mind?"

"I spent a lot of time standing in that shower," Carlos said nodding his head towards the shower curtain beside them. "Thinking about how hot you got over smelling my cloths and about all the little noises I could make you make if I touched you." Carlos wedged his knee between Logan's legs and spread them apart pressing the top of his thigh up into the heat between. Logan jumped and his head lolled back against the door. "I thought about how badly I could dirty you up." He said leaning forward he laved his tongue up the side of Logan's neck and across the shell of his ear. He smirked as Logan shivered and bucked against his knee. "You know what my favorite part is?" He hissed into Logan's ear.

"W…what?"

"You're eighteen, you're in one of the hottest boy bands in the world, and you've never been touched. I can do anything I want to you and know that I'm the first on that did it." He twitched his hips so he rubbed against Logan's jean clad thigh and his knee slid against the denim between Logan's leg before nipping the skin just under his ear. He latched onto the skin with his lips and sucked it into his mouth catching a steady rhythm between the movement of his hips and the movement of his tongue until Logan let out a small whine. He leaded back without breaking rhythm as he watched Logan's face go blank with wonderment as he felt his own end approaching. Finally Logan moaned low and deep and his head thumped against the door as he bucked his hips against Carlos. Carlos pulled Logan away from the door and kissed him quick and deep his tongue exploring the contours of his friend's mouth. With one hand he reached behind Logan and opened the bathroom door. He stepped away and grinned before pushing Logan out into the bedroom and closing the door behind him.

"Hey!" Logan said as the door slammed shut in his face. "I'm dirty I need to take a shower."

"Yeah you are." Carlos chuckled as he turned on the shower and climbed in.

Kendall stood and starred at the door that had just closed in his face. Logan had seemed kind of panicked when he stuck his head out of the bathroom, but Kendall knew that Carlos would never really do anything that would hurt anyone. He turned and walked back down the hall to his room. He opened the door and slipped into his room smiling. James was lying stretched out on his bed his shirt across the room on his own bed.

"What was that all about?" He asked smiling lazily as Kendall walked across the room pulling his shirt over his head. It sailed across the room to join James' while he climbed into bed.

"I have no idea; Carlos opened the door in his boxers and said he thinks he broke Logan's brain. Logan opened the bathroom door and begged for me to save him. Next think I know I get Carlos's hand on my face followed by a slamming door." James said shrugging as his fingers traced down the smooth curve of James' shoulder.

"You don't think…" James asked smiling distractedly.

"Think what?" Kendall asked waggling his eyebrows.

"Well Carlos was in his boxers, Logan was hiding in the bathroom, and we heard a bunch of crashing." James said shrugging his shoulders.

"You think Carlos was trying to molest Logan?" Kendall asked incredulously.

"No, I was thinking naked tickle fight but that's pretty disturbing too." James said frowning.

"Logan needs to relax anyway." Kendall said smirking as he leaned forward to capture James lips. As they kissed his hand smoothed down James' shoulder, onto his ribs, until finally he hooked his fingers into the waistband of James jeans. He deepened the kiss as his fingers slide around James waste until they started playing with the button of his fly.

"Hey, slow down there, Alistair." He said leaning back to withdraw Kendall's fingers from his pants. Kendall grimaced at him. "We promised your mom we wouldn't fool around in here." James said grinning at Kendall's expression.

"What she doesn't know can't hurt her." Kendall said grinning wickedly as he tried to snake his hand down the small of James back and into his jeans.

"Nice try." James said smacking at his hand. "Momma Knight trusts us, I don't want to do anything to break that trust. Can you imagine what it would have been like if Carlos' dad or my grandma had been the one to come to California with us? If either one of them found out we were gay we'd be in separate rooms on different floors." Kendall rolled over with a sigh. James lay his head down on his chest and looked up at him his eyes going wide.

"Stop that, it's not fair." Kendall said laughing softly as he sifted his fingers through James' hair.

"What?" He asked feigning innocence.

"You do cute better than Carlos' , it's definitely a yellow card." Kendall chuckled and James' couldn't help but smile as the narrow chest vibrated beneath him.

"Wait you think Carlos is cute?" He asked frowning darkly.

"I also think cross eyed puppies are cute." Kendall said grinning. "Can I have a kiss?"

"Can you keep your hands out of my pants?" James asked. Kendall nodded making his own attempt at puppy dog eyes. James shook his head and leaned up to drop a soft kiss on Kendall's lips. He was about to kiss him again when someone knocked on the door. He sighed and rolled off the shorter boy. Kendall growled and climbed off the bed, he stalked across the room and through open the door. Logan stood outside looking decidedly uncomfortable.

"Am I interrupting anything?" He asked.

"Apparently not," Kendall said grimacing. "What's going on?"

"I need to use your shower." Logan replied scratching the back of his head.

"Why can't you use your own shower?"

"Carlos is in there." Logan wasn't even looking at him anymore he was staring longingly at the bathroom door.

"You can't wait five minutes?"

"Just let me use your shower!" Logan's voice went high and tight and Kendall blinked at him mildly.

"Fine, go ahead, you fruit loop." Kendall said stepping back. Logan rushed past him all but breaking the land speed record.

"What was going on while ago?" James asked as Logan opened the bathroom door.

"Carlos wanted a naked tickle fight, I did not." Logan said as he slammed the door behind him.

"HA!" James said as Kendall crossed back to the bed.

"It's really too bad," Kendall said shaking his head sadly. "That boy is wound way too tight." He said grinning as he slid back onto the bed. "Shall we pick up where we left off?"

"Logan's in the bathroom."

"He'll be in there for an hour, you know how he is." Kendall said pouting again.

"It's serve him right if his eyes did melt out of his head." James said smiling as he reached out and wrapped his arms around Kendall's neck. He pulled the blonde boy down for a kiss smiling around his lips as he felt Kendall fist his hands into the sheet on either side of his hips.


	4. Pretty Pretty Princess

When Logan finally did leave he made a beeline for the door without ever glancing towards the bed James and Kendall were lying on. James rolled off Kendall's chest and watched as Logan closed the door behind him a disappointed frown on his face.

"He didn't even look in our direction." He said pouting.

"God, you're an exhibitionist." Kendall said shaking his head and smiling.

"Exhibit what now?" James asked glancing over at him.

"Never mind." Kendall said leaning over to kiss James between the eyes, chuckling as the other boy's long lashes swept across his skin. When he lay back on the bed James crawled over him and started across the room. "Where are you going?" Kendall asked sitting up.

"Momma Knight said it was okay if we shared a bed." James said as he began pulling the sheets and pillows from his bed.

"We were just sharing a bed and you got up." Kendall said smirking.  
"You know what I mean!" James said turning to glare at him. "I don't like sleeping by myself, I like sleeping with you, but you sprawl out in your sleep like you're afraid if you leave one inch open someone will crawl in bed with you." James tugged the mattress off his bed and leaned it against the wall.

"Apparently it was a valid concern." Kendall said laughing as he sat up on the edge of his bed. James turned and glared at him.

"Are you going to help me or not, we can forget the whole thing you know." He said sitting down on the naked box springs.

"Okay, okay, I'm coming." Kendall said shaking his head as he got of the bed and joined James on the other side of the room. They hauled the box springs from the bed and moved the frame across the room to lie beside Kendall's bed. James put the box springs and mattress back on the bed before pulling a fresh pair of sheets from the dresser. As James put the sheets on the bed Kendall looked around at the now empty space at his feet and grinned as his eyes locked on a black can that had been wedged between the bed and the wall.

"Do you remember this stuff?" He asked bending down to pick up the can. He held it up as James turned around from tucking the sheets.

"How could I forget?" James said rolling his eyes. "Mangerine tanning spray."

"There aren't any more Cuda products you're hiding around here somewhere is there?" Kendall asked shaking the can. "Because you know they always come back to bite you in the ass."

"I don't know the tanning spray turned out fairly well." James said shrugging as he sat down on the edge of their bed. "You rigged up a winter wonderland in the Palmwoods park to save us all. That was the most fun I've had since we came to California."

"What about the wild parties, the girls, the pool?" Kendall asked crossing his arms uncomfortably. James didn't sound happy, and for once he didn't know what to do about it.

"The wild parties, I had to watch you go to every one of them with Joe. The girls were never enough to take my mind off you, and the pool was just one more reminder I couldn't touch you." James said shrugging sadly. "I just got kind of homesick sometimes."

"Are you still homesick?" Kendall asked crossing the room. He dropped the can and sat down besides James.

"No, well sometimes, but it's not as bad anymore. I figured out a long time ago that home is wherever you are." James said smiling softly as he took Kendall's hand in his.

"I suck so hard." Kendall laughed as he scrubbed his face with his free hand.

"What?" James asked turning to him.

"You say all these great things that make me feel like the greatest guy in the world. And I have absolutely nothing to respond with."

"You said the most important thing." James said pulling Kendall's hand to his lips he kissed each knuckle. "You told me that you loved me."

"Right." Kendall said jumping up from the bed. "Wait here I'll be right back." He said heading towards their bedroom door.

"Where are you going?" James asked cocking his head confusedly.

"It's a surprise."

When Logan go back to his room Carlos was stretched out on his bed, he was wearing a pair of sleep pants and a wide smile. Logan walked past him without saying a word and stared down at his bed. The sheet was rumpled from his flight from Carlos and torn from his attempt to restrain himself. He stripped the sheets off with a small grumble and tossed them towards the hamper. He replaced the sheets and crawled into the bed drawing the covers to his chin without saying a word to his roommate.

"You're not going to say anything?" Carlos asked rolling over to face Logan.

"What am I supposed to say Carlos? Thanks for making me cream my pants then throwing me outside?" Logan said quietly without looking across the room at his friend.

"Why are you so pissed?" Carlos asked sitting up on the side of the bed. "I thought you wanted that."

"Wanted that?" Logan hissed sneering. "I wanted my first time to be special, not being ground against a wall by a guy that doesn't even like me."

"First time…you mean that was your first…" Carlos stammered his face going blank.

"No, of course not, but it was my first time with someone else."

"I do like you." Carlos said standing from the bed. He walked across the room and knelt beside Logan's bed.

"That's not what I meant and you know it." Logan said rolling to face the wall. He flinched when he felt Carlo's hand on his shoulder. The shorter boy slid into bed behind him and stretched his body out against him before wrapping one arm around his waist. He winced as he felt Logan's body stiffen.

"Did you think I didn't care about you?" He asked softly in Logan's ear.

"That's what if felt like." Logan mumbled quietly.

"I wouldn't do that to you, Logan, I wouldn't do things to you just because I wanted to get off or because I wanted to watch you squirm. I do care about you." Carlos said nestling his head into Logan's back.

"Do you love me?" He asked.

"That's a stupid question." Carlos chuckled as he breathed in the clean, cool scent of Logan's skin.

"Answer the question." Logan said his muscles clenching.

"Of course I love you." Carlos sighed. Logan shivered as the breath spread across his skin.

"Are you in love with me?" Logan asked.

"I don't know yet. I do know that I think you're a pretty pretty princess." Logan turned started to turn but Carlos held him still with the one arm wrapped around his stomach. "I want to treat you like a princess, even when I'm messing you up." Logan went still.

"Can I move now?" Logan asked his voice still small and quiet.

"Are you going to slug me?" Carlos asked.

"No." Carlos loosened his grip and Logan rolled over he snuggled in against Carlos's chest and sighed as Carlos wrapped his arm back around him. "You better treat me like a fucking princess, because I think I might be in love with you." Logan whispered. Carlos chuckled and kissed him on top of the head.

When Kendall finally came back to the room James bounced to his feet as he opened up the door. Kendall walked across to his closet without saying a word and began pulling things from the back and throwing them on the bed. James picked through what landed on the bed and turned to look at Kendall with a confused look on his face when he saw that two heavy sweaters, two beanies and gloves were in the pile.

"Put those on." Kendall said turning from the closet.

"But it's seventy degrees outside, I'll melt." James said looking dubiously at the sweater.

"No you won't now put them on." Kendall said as he grabbed one of the sweaters from the pile and pulled it on over his head.

"Why did you even bring these to California?" James asked pulling the other sweater over his head.

"Do you want your surprise or not?" Kendall asked as he crammed one of the beanies down over his hair.

"Alright, alright, I'll be quiet." James relented pulling the gloves over his fingers. "Do I have to wear the hat?" He asked holding up the knit cap his bottom lip quivering.

"Yes, you do, come on." Kendall took the hat from James hands and pulled it down over his hair before grabbing the taller boy's hand and dragging him towards the door. When Kendall started dragging him towards the apartment door James pulled back.

"You can't expect me to go outside like this!" He said digging his heels into the carpet.

"Sure I do, now come on." Kendall said tugging at his arm. "Please, James." His voice was wheedling and adorable and James had forgotten just how well Kendall did puppy dog eyes. He stopped fighting and allowed the shorter boy to pull him out into the hallway. He was relieved when they made it to the elevator without being seen. When the elevator opened the lobby was deserted. Kendall drug him away from the front doors past Bitters desk and into a hallway he never really noticed before. When they went through a pair of large double doors Kendall stopped.

"I can't believe the Palmwoods has a kitchen." James said looking around.

"The place was originally built to be an actual hotel." Kendall said pulling him through the empty kitchen to a large metal door in the back. He reached down and pulled on the handle and a blast of arctic air struck them in the face. James laughed out loud as he saw the inside of the meat locker. Kendall had spread blankets over the floor and set up a slide projector pointed at the back wall. As they walked in Kendall closed the door behind them after wedging a block in the crack. He sat down on the mound of blankets and patted the empty space beside him. James sat down and watched in wonder as Kendall flicked the slide projector on and pictures of their hometown lit up the backwall.

"I can't believe you did all this." James said watching the pictures of home flash on the wall. He felt tears sting his eyes as a picture of his grandmother's house came up, a ten year old James and Kendall sitting on the front steps smiling broadly.

"You said you were homesick." Kendall said wrapping his arms around James' shoulders. "This is as close as I could get you."

"It's close enough," James said smiling even as his eyes filled to the brim. "Do you remember that day?" He asked pointing as a picture of the four of them came up together came up.

"I'll never forget, that was the first day we all met in fourth grade." Kendall said grinning. "You know I thought you were a girl?"

"What?" James said turning to glare at him.

"You can't blame me, your hair was down to your shoulders, and boys are not supposed to be that pretty." He said pointing at the screen.

"I did not look like a girl." James said nudging Kendall with his shoulder.

"It took me and Logan almost a month to convince Carlos you were a boy." Kendall said grinning and nudging back.

"Oh god." James said burying his face in his hands. "I don't know whether that says more about him or me."

"I had a crush on you for the first fifteen minutes." Kendall said squeezing James' shoulders again.

"Really? What happened?" James asked dropping his hands to peer at his boyfriend.

"I heard you talk, realized you were a boy and freaked out because I had been about to ask you to be my girlfriend." Kendall said laughing softly.

"Yeah well, thirteen years later." James said. He reached over and took Kendall's hand in his squeezing it gently.

"You're still way too pretty to be a boy." Kendall said leaning over to kiss him on the cheek.

"Who says you never know what to say?" James said turning his head to catch Kendall's lips.


	5. Freak Show

It had been nearly a week since Carlos chased Logan around their bedroom and Logan was confused. Nothing had really changed after that night. Well things had definitely changed a little. Every time he closed his bedroom door Carlos pushed him up against it and kissed him. Some mornings he woke up with Carlos pressed against his back. But when they left the room nothing had changed. James and Kendall acted like they couldn't survive without touching each every other second. But Carlos didn't even sit beside him.

"What are we?" Logan asked as Carlos sat down on the other end couch. Katie and Mrs. Knight were out at an audition, James and Kendall had disappeared to wherever they went to be together outside the apartment. Logan had been sitting on the couch reading an issue of Popular Science when Carlos walked in and sat down as far away as possible. Carlos sat blinking at him confusedly.

"What do you mean?" He finally asked cocking his head.

"When we're in our room you kiss me and you slip into my bed, but when we're everywhere else you act like nothing's going on." Logan said dropping his magazine on the table. "Even worse you won't even sit down next to me anymore."

"I don't know." Carlos leaned forward and clasped his hands between his knees. He actually looked uncomfortable which was something new.

"Do you not want people to know you're with me?" Logan asked scratching the back of his head. "Or are you even with me?"

"Yes, I'm with you." Carlos said wincing as Logan jumped off the couch.

"That's answer enough I guess." He said walking towards the room.

"Logan, wait." Carlos said going after him. He caught the taller boy's hand. "It's not that, I'm not ashamed of you….I just don't want to be 'the gay guy'." Logan glanced back at him his face a mixture of confusion and disbelief.

"This is about labels?"

"Yeah, I guess, I don't want people to put me in a slot especially one that doesn't fit." Carlos said shrugging. "I'm not gay."

"Okay so why not just tell people you're bi?" Logan asked rolling his eyes. He'd never really expected to have this kind of conversation with Carlos. The tiny bundle of energy usually ran head first into whatever situation without hesitation. His whole life was spent where angels fear to tread.

"I'm not bi either." Carlos said shaking his head.

"Then what the hell are you?" Logan said finally turning to face his friend.

"I don't know. I like you, I want to do stuff to you, the fact that you have junk has nothing to do with that." Carlos said shrugging.

"You've never touched my junk, or even seen it, how do you know you'll be okay with it?" Logan asked scratching the back of his head. The whole conversation had taken an uncomfortable turn and it was his fault but he had to know. He couldn't invest any more of his time or emotions in this relationship until he understood all of it. Carlos' response startled him. Instead of saying anything the shorter boy released Logan's hand and crammed his own down the front of Logan's pants. His fingers smoothed over the soft skin he found there. Logan stood utterly still before letting out a shaky sigh.

"I like your junk because it's yours." Carlos said smirking as blood flooded Logan's face.

"Carlos, either get your hand out of my shorts or fucking move your fingers." Logan whimpered. Carlos merely shrugged and removed his hand smiling at the disappointed look on Logan's face. "What am I to you?" Logan asked when he managed to regain his composure.

"Again with the labels?" Carlos moaned beginning to pace back and forth across the room. Logan was used to Carlos using frenetic movement to aid in thinking and pacing was a lot better than running headfirst into the wall as per usual. ]

"I need labels, Carlos. I'm not like you I can't go through my life winging it. I need structure and stability." Logan said following along behind Carlos. "This doesn't feel stable to me." He said gesturing between the two of them. "I can't feel safe unless I know what I am to you, until then I can never be sure that you won't up and decide that you'd rather go back to chasing the Jennifer's or the next pretty girl who walks into the Palmwoods."

"Is that what this is about? You don't trust me?" Carlos asked spinning on his heel to face Logan his features going hard for a moment before melting to an expression of hurt.

"I trust you, I just need to know." Logan said scrubbing his face with his hand.

"You want me to give you a label…."

"And it cannot be pretty pretty princess." Logan said jabbing his finger at Carlos' chest. Carlos grinned and blinked innocently.

"I suppose saying you're my Logan wouldn't satisfy you either would it?" Carlos asked.

"That depends, what does it mean to be your Logan?"

"It means that I'll kiss you whenever I want, stick my hand down your pants whenever you want, sit next to you every chance I get, and not chase girls as long as we're together." Carlos said his face going serious.

"Is there anything in there about being seen with me outside the bedroom or holding hands?" Logan asked. Carlos stood still for a moment before a wide, wicked grin crossed his face.

"Nope, I only hold hands with pretty princesses." Logan glared at him for a moment before stalking off towards their bedroom. "Logan, come on it was just a joke, if you want me to hold your hand I'll hold your hand… even in front of Kendall and James." Carlos said following along behind him. He just managed to squeeze through the door before Logan slammed it behind him. Carlos opened his mouth to apologize again when Logan spun and pushed him against the door before capturing his lips in a deep kiss.

James and Kendall were holed up in the Palmwoods walk-in freezer. It hadn't taken them long to figure out that no one ever came into the kitchens much less the freezer, Bitters and Buddha Bob didn't even bother with the unused kitchen. It had only taken Kendall a short time to find the thermostat and set it on a balmy sixty-five degrees. They both had to wear hoodies in the freezer but it was cooler than it ever got in LA and it served to make James feel at home. Kendall lay on his back on a pile of blankets James was stretched alongside him, his head resting on his outstretched arms and his leg thrown across Kendall's. It's true they could do the same in their room, but the freezer was cool and silent and private

They had only been together a little over a week but it felt like forever to Kendall. There wasn't much difference between being James' best friend and being his boyfriend. He had always had to deal with James' little quirks but now there were perks to go along with it. He was the only person in the entire world who could touch James' hair without getting his hand smacked. He got to cuddle with the giant beauty queen, something that he'd never thought about or been interested in before, but now found to be an indispensable part of his life. And of course there was the kissing, the kissing was good, when they were done he always felt warm, drowsy and unbelievably happy.

There was one problem though. He wanted James' he wanted him so bad he couldn't stand it. But every time he tried to make a move he got shot down and it was driving him crazy. He had found the freezer to make the younger boy happy, but the thought had crossed his mind that maybe if he could find somewhere private that wasn't their room he mind finally be able to explore the rest of the beautiful body that had filled his mind for the past week. But it was still no good, any time he managed to slide his fingers under James' waistband he would be pushed away. They had been kissing for nearly half an hour and Kendall was half out of his mind his senses were filled with the taste of James' lips, the smell of his skin and hair, the feel of him under his fingers. Kendall couldn't help but try one last time.

"Kendall, stop!" James grumbled snagging his boyfriend's hand to pull it away from his jeans. He sat up and scooted away from him.

"What?" Kendall said sitting up. James' was sitting in the corner with his arms wrapped around his knees. "What's going on with you? I know you don't want to disappoint Mom but I also know there's something you're not telling me."

"What is going on with you? A week ago you didn't even like guys, now it's like you're on an epic quest to get in my pants!" James shouted sweeping a hand through his hair leaving it a complete mess.

"I liked guys, I just didn't realize how much I liked guys until I woke up in bed with one, now answer my question. What's going on?" Kendall said scooting over next to James. He managed to draw one of the taller boy's hands away from his knees and cradle it in his own.

"I'm scared okay?" James said staring at the floor. "It hurts." Kendall rubbed his thumb against the soft skin of James' hand all expression leaving his face.

"You've…" Kendall said grimacing when he couldn't finish the sentence.

"Not willingly." James said his hand streaking through his hair again.

"When?" Kendall asked his thumb still making lazy circles on the back of James' hand.

"A few years before I went to live with Grams, it wasn't Dad, one of his drinking buddies was really, really drunk. Dad came in and pulled him off of me, beat the crap out of him, then smacked me around for letting it happen." James' voice had gone so quiet Kendall could barely hear him and a find tremble had set up in his shoulders.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Kendall asked as he released James' hand and wrapped both arms around his shaking shoulders.

"Because I didn't want anyone to know much less you." James said his voice sounding a little clearer.

"Its okay, we don't' have to do that….ever if you don't want too. But I just wish you'd let me touch you." Kendall said softly. "I want to touch you, I want to feel you." James sat quietly for a moment.

"So touch me."

"That was new." Carlos sighed when Logan finally came up for air. Logan's fingers were twisted into his shirt and his eyes looked wild and dazed. It was a side of the uptight boy he'd never seen before and he liked it.

"My Carlos." Logan growled burying his nose into the tender skin behind the shorter boy's ear. Carlos couldn't help but giggle, Logan's sharp little nose was tickling his ear. Logan pulled back and glared at him. "I'm trying to be sexy and domineering and you start giggling." He said releasing Carlos' shirt and walking away.

"Logan, what the hell?" Carlos groaned. "Am I going to spend the rest of my life following you around like a puppy because I did something stupid and made you pissy?" Logan turned blinking dazedly.

"Did you say the rest of your life?" He asked quietly.

"That's not the point, you have got to stop pouting on me, you're my first real girl…"

"Did just almost call me your girlfriend?" Logan asked grimacing at Carlos.

"LOGAN!"

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry. You're my first boyfriend period you know." Logan said scratching his head. Carlos walked over and took his hand.

"I know, we both have some learning to do, let's make a deal. I'll try to remember that you're a neurotic little freak show and you can try to remember now to act like a prima donna all the time. Just because I call you princess doesn't mean you have to act like one." Carlos said smiling. Logan glared at him for a moment before his face broke into a grin.

"I am not a neurotic little freak show." Logan said dropping his arms onto Carlos shoulders with a small grin.

"Sure you are, you're my neurotic little freak show." Carlos said stretching up to kiss Logan's bottom lip.

"Can't we just stick with princess?"

A/N: Um yeah I know, I broke another one. I tried to stop myself, but by and all people are fucked up. Everyone I know is fucked up, granted not all of them are as dramatically fucked up as James but we're all neurotic little freak shows sometimes and everyone's damaged. Yeah I know I left you hanging with James and Kendall, but their adults, they will eventually do naughty things.


	6. Wicked Little Things

Kendall's hand shook as he slid it under James' t-shirt and hoody. He gasped as the larger boy's warmth enveloped his skin. He couldn't understand why he was suddenly so nervous. It wasn't as if he'd never seen James' naked. They played hockey. They had changed together, showered together, he had seen every square inch of James' skin. It wasn't like he hadn't touched James' stomach either. When they were in bed together he trailed his finger through the thin trickle of hair that sunk from his belly button to his boxers until James burst into laughter and swatted him away. It was suddenly different though. James had given him the go ahead, he knew nothing was going to stop him now, and it scared the shit out of him. He tried to give the younger boy a reassuring smile but it turned out to look more like a sickly apology. Regardless it managed to make James smile.

Kendall's fingers were trembling so badly that he barely managed to pop the button of James fly loose and it took him forever to slide the zipper down. James watched it all with a patient smile, he had never seen Kendall's flawless courage and confidence so undone and it was adorable. When Kendall finally managed to get his zipper pulled down his shaking hands skimmed up James' hips and his fingers hooked into the waistband of James' boxers and jeans, James levered his hips up and allowed the shorter boy to draw them down his hips. Kendall's eyes widened as the clothing slid away and left James lying naked against the pile of blankets.

"Holy crap." He said quietly his eyes tracing the bared skin.

"What?" James asked smirking at the expression on Kendall's face.

"I never realized you were so….holy crap." Kendall said his eyes shifting up to his boyfriend's face.

"You've seen me naked before." James said still smiling.

"I know, but I wasn't really paying attention." Kendall said still staring at the monster in question.

"It's not going to bite you, I promise." James said throwing his head back in a laugh. His laugh choked to silence as Kendall grimaced at him and wrapped his fingers around the soft, hot skin. His grimace turned to a grin as all traces of amusement fled James' face replaced by bewildered awe. Kendall worked his fingers over James feeling the silken skin fill and stretch, never taking his eyes from James face. When the taller boy's head snapped back and his eyes closed Kendall leaned forward and wrapped his lips around his head. James' head snapped forwards and his eyes flew open as his fingers scrabbled to tangle the blonde's hair.

Kendall felt the fingers fist in his hair and smiled before diving forward swallowing to take it all into his mouth grinning as James made small desperate noises and his fingers flattened to caress the curve of Kendall's head. He pulled back dragging his tongue against the tender skin on the underside of James from the base to the head flicking his tongue over it before leaning back to fist the heated flesh.

"You shouldn't know how to do that." James said his voice quaking.

"You're glad I do though aren't you?" Kendall asked grinning as he watched the muscles at the corner of James' mouth twitch.

"Oh, god, yes." James moaned his head tilting back. Kendall knelt back down and took him into his mouth. James fingers went back to his hair but they didn't lock into the blonde strands. They danced uselessly over the surface of Kendall's head as he barked out a hoarse moan and his hips bucked against the older boy's face once, twice before he lay still and spent. Kendall sat back on his haunches licking his lips and smiling as he watched the clouds fade from James hazel eyes. He crawled up the length of James body straddling the bare skin as he dropped small kisses at the corners of his slackened lips.

"We're going to have to turn the thermostat up next time." James said finally when the power of speech returned to him.

"Why?" Kendall asked his face going bemused.

"My balls are freezing." James said laughing.

Carlos lay on the bed blinking slowly. He wasn't entirely sure how he had gotten there. One moment he and Logan had been standing by the door kissing and the next he was lying flat on his back, on his bed, with Logan kneeling on top of him tugging at his t-shirt. He shrugged and reached down to help pull off his shirt. It had barely cleared his head when Logan was back, his fingers kneading at the skin of his chest his nimble fingers digging in almost to the point of pain before releasing, his lips devouring Carlos' mouth. The kiss was so ferocious Carlos fought to draw breath through his nose. When he felt Logan's fingers scrabbling at his fly he reached down and caught them pulling them away. In his current fervor he was half afraid Logan would end up clawing it off.

"Take it easy, Princess, this isn't a race." He said laughing softly at the disappointed look on the smaller boy's face. He took the opportunity to peel Logan's shirt over his head while he was distracted. Carlos lay back against the pillows and stared up at Logan. He was slim built but small muscles showed against his creamy skin. His nipples were drawn tight against his chest and flooded with blood so they glowed pink against the pale skin around them. Carlos reached up and smoothed a rough hand against the pebbled skin smiling as Logan shivered against the touch. He leaned up and captured the other boy's lips with his own his hand sliding over his chest until Logan whimpered quietly. He leaned back against the pillows with a smile.

Logan blinked down at him for a moment his eyes hazy and hot before he shifted his position and jumped as something hard and hot rubbed against the inside of his thigh. He slid back until he rested on Carlos's knees and stared down at the shorter boy's tented jeans. Carlos watched the whole process with a grin on his face. He'd once watched a monkey at the zoo examine a termite mound with the same expression on its face. After one more discerning moment Logan reached down and methodically undid Carlos jeans. He tugged at them sliding them down Carlos caramel colored thighs before stopping to examine his boxers with the same ardent concentration. Finally he reached his hand into the fly and drew Carlos out through it. He stopped and stared at it his tongue poking out through the corner of his lips. Carlos had seen him do the same thing while working a difficult math problem.

"I've never seen one of these up close." Logan said finally.

"What you've never seen a…."

"You're not circumcised." Logan said in consternation as his narrow finger reached out to poke at it. "I'm not sure how to work with this." Finally he lifted it and looked at the underside still prodding the ever growing object of his puzzlement with his fingers.

"What are you doing?" Carlos asked curiosity finally getting the better of him. It wasn't like he wasn't enjoying the attention no matter how bizarre but he had never seen Logan so confused.

"I'm looking for your frenulum." Logan said without looking up his fingers still systematically examining and moving the skin beneath his fingers.

"My what? Why?" Carlos asked his face going blank.

"It's a small piece of skin on the underside of your penis at the base of your head. The internet says if I play with it you'll be more aroused." Logan said in a clinical voice.

"You researched how to give a hand job?" Carlos asked bursting into laughter. Logan finally snapped out of his reverie and frowned down at the other boy.

"No, I researched how to give oral sex." Logan said still frowning.

"You know everything doesn't have to be about logic some things are instinct." Carlos said smirking up at him.

"What do you mean?" Logan asked confusedly.

"I mean that if you're a good cocksucker then you are." Carlos said still grinning. "If you're not you're not going to get better by looking it up on the internet. Now stop giving me an examination and give it a try." Logan's eyes narrowed and he prodded at Carlos sharply. "Oh my God, Logan, if I apologize for calling you a cocksucker will you fucking touch me already?" Carlos moaned attempting to buck his hips against the weight across his knees. Logan nodded smugly. "Fine, I'm sorry." Carlos said quickly.

"That didn't sound like you meant it." Logan said smirking as Carlos squirmed beneath him.

"Oh hell, I'll do it myself." Carlos said grimacing as he reached for himself. Logan swatted his hand away.

"Now who's got a short fuse?" He asked before he leaned down. He peeled Carlos' foreskin back and examined it before wrapping his lips around the head. Carlos sighed as he felt Logan's tongue swirl around him. He arched his back and groaned as he felt Logan's tongue snake in between the underside of his head and his foreskin to caress the sensitive silk there.

"Ha, found it." Logan murmured before continuing his ministrations. After a few moments Logan took as much of Carlos into his mouth as he could and Carlos felt a boney little finger works its way between his legs up under his balls he was expecting another sharp little jab. Instead there was gentle pressure rubbing circles against the skin. He didn't know what Logan expected to accomplish until something deep within his body responded and exploded in sensation and he threw his head back with a short shout.

"What the hell was that?" He managed to stammer.

"That, Carlitos, was your prostate." Logan said smiling before going back to work.

"I'm not sure what that is but I like it." Carlos said quietly as Logan's finger increased its pressure. Finally Carlos felt that old familiar fire building up in his stomach. He barely managed to squawk out a warning before he came, flooding Logan's mouth. He expected Logan to freak out and start spitting but he drank hungrily and clean Carlos of ever drop before sitting back onto his knees.

"Was I good?" He asked innocently though his eyes had a wicked little gleam.

"You have no idea." Carlos said sitting up to kiss him.

"I'll go turn the thermostat up." Kendall said bracing to get up.

"Don't bother." James' said grabbing the front of Kendall's hoody. "I know a better way." James quickly jerked his t-shirt and hoody off over his head and slid his jeans down the length of his legs before toeing off his shoes, socks, and pants in one smooth motion. Once he was naked he tugged Kendall's hoody and shirt off. "Lose the pants." Kendall's movements were quick and jerky as he stood up and started fumbling with his zipper. He almost fell over trying to take off his jeans. Once he was naked he began to kneel back down but James stopped him with an outstretched palm. He stood for a moment blushing as James eyes swept over his skin before crossing his arms over his chest and crossing his legs.

"Why are you so fidgety?" James asked smirking at him. "I just wanted to look at you."

"You're bigger than me." Kendall said miserably.

"So? You're my boy, that kind of negates all pissing contests doesn't it?" James asked smiling as he crossed his arms behind his head. Seeing Kendall standing in the middle of the room naked was awesome. Seeing Kendall completely undone was awesome. Seeing Kendall standing in the middle of the room completely undone was like chocolate cake.

"No, I mean everywhere. You're muscles are bigger than mine, your shoulders are broader, your taller, and there's that thing." He said gesturing at the sleeping monster in James' lap. "I just thought I was the guy in the relationship." James burst out laughing, he couldn't control himself.

"That's a little old school, Kendall." James sputtered when he finally managed to control his laughter. "But if it makes you feel better you are." Kendall gave him an incredulous look his hands falling to rest on his hips. The position made him look like a x-rated Peter Pan and James' couldn't help but giggle. He bit his lip when Kendall grimaced at him. "No seriously, you can be the guy, I promise. Just think of me as a big buff girl." James said grinning apologetically.

"Somehow that doesn't help." Kendall said shuddering.

"Why don't you stop freaking out over who's bigger and lie down?" James asked pleadingly. Finally Kendall shrugged and stretched out across James' body. James grabbed a nearby blanket and through it across both of them. "Now that's much warmer." He said grinning. "Roll over."

"What?" Kendall asked his eyes bugging slightly. James simply unleashed the full power of his puppy dog face and made a spinning motion with his finger. Kendall sighed and rolled over immediately disturbed by how well his body seated against James. It was like lying on a very warm, very strange chaise lounge that had been molded to fit his body. All thoughts fled his mind when James blew a puff of air in his ear and ran his too large hands down the front of Kendall's body. Steady puffs of air assaulted the shell of Kendall's ear causing the nerves in his body to crackle and fire as James' hand continually traced the planes and curves of his body until one finally came to rest in one special place.

James' carefully placed sighs and roving hands had had an obvious reaction on Kendall's anatomy and the blonde boy hissed as one large hand wrapped around that reaction tugging gently. James' lips found the sweet spot on Kendall's neck just beneath his ear while his hand continued its torturous rhythm. A broad smile crept across James' face when his boyfriend's breath became quick and ragged, pants interspersed with moans. He slowed his hand and avoided touching Kendall's' head.

"Oh God, James, please!" Kendall begged attempting to buck his hips against James's hand. James wrapped his free hand around Kendall's waist and held him still.

"Slow and steady wins the race, rabbit." He whispered in Kendall's ear. He continued slowly stroking Kendall until the blonde boy was writhing and whimpering in his lap until he finished him in two quick strokes smiling and Kendall released a low keening sound deep in his throat and warmth splashed out onto James' hand. James brought his hand up and lathed the warmth from his skin; one arm still clutching Kendall's panting body.

Carlos lay in bed staring up at Logan's shirtless form above him. He was trying to figure out how to get the smaller boy's clothes off without him leaving the bed. Finally he grabbed Logan's slender shoulders in both hands and flipped them laughing at the sharp squawk that escaped Logan's lips as he found himself in midair then suddenly on his back. Once Logan was lying on the bed Carlos wasted no time jumping off the bed to shed his own jeans. When he was naked Carlos knelt at the foot of the bed and began slowly undoing Logan's shoes. After removing both shoes he tossed them over to Logan's side of the room and began peeling off his socks. Logan's eyes immediately went to the shoe's laying haphazardly on his clean carpet. Carlos' thumb grazing gingerly up his bare instep brought his attention back to the bed. The dark skinned boy had both his bare feet nestled in his lap and was staring down at them.

"Don't tell me you have a foot fetish." Logan whined shuddering. Seeing his pale feet cuddled against Carlos' cinnamon colored skin was one thing, it was kind of hot actually, especially since he could feel Carlos' silky foreskin against his heel but letting the other boy suck on his toes was another thing all together.

"No, I've just never seen your feet before. You have little hairs on your toes, it's cute." Carlos said grinning as he pulled at one of the dark hairs.

"Hey, that hurts," Logan shouted trying to take back his foot. Carlos held on firm his thumb tracing up the instead quickly again and Logan couldn't help but squirm.

"I knew it, you're ticklish, and that's why you never take off your shoes!" Carlos crowed in delight. "Where else?" He mused out loud his eyes tracing over Logan's body.

"Don't you dare, Carlos Garcia." Logan managed to shout before Carlos' blunt fingers were digging softly as his sides. Logan cackled breathlessly as he swatted uselessly at the relentless boy. Carlos stopped tickling and managed to swipe Logan's pants and shorts while he was still panting.

"Wow, you're puny without all the cloths." He said staring down at Logan's nude form. He had never taken the time to stop and look at Logan and he'd actually never seen him naked.

"What?" Logan asked his brows furrowing in a grimace.

"No, dude, you're hung but the rest of you is….dainty." Carlos said fumbling to find words. Logan opened his mouth to say something but was instantly silenced by the sensation of Carlos rough hand wrapped around him. Carlos' hands were calloused and dry from clasping a hockey stick most of his life but they provided a friction that Logan's own baby soft hands had never managed. The rough touch was almost too much sensation as Carlos drew his hand up and over the soft skin within his fist.

"Where's that frenulum thingy you were talking about?" He muttered as he stroked. He grazed his thumb over the underside of Logan's heat grinning as he touched the soft skin at the base of his head and Logan arched of the bed with a gasp. "Never mind, I found it." After a moment more he stopped stroking and began examining Logan. Carlos moved his dick back and forth, held it down and watched it spring back before gently spreading Logan's legs and lifting his balls.

"What are you doing?" Logan asked raggedly.

"I've never played with another guy's junk before, I wanted to look around before you get off and get too sensitive to touch." Carlos explained as his fingers explored the smooth patch of skin under Logan's balls. "Where's that button?" Logan's head jerked up.

"Carlos, it's not a good idea to do that unless you know what you're…oh god." Logan's head fell back against the pillow as sensation spread through his stomach like fire through a forest. He hardly noticed when Carlos' other hand returned to stroking him. He did notice when Carlos' large blunt finger found his entrance and traced a lazy circle around it while his other thumb flicked over his head.

"I can do research too." Carlos said smugly as Logan whimpered and squirmed thrusting his hips down against Carlos' circling digit. Carlos grazed his thumb over Logan's head one more time prodding gently at the tight bundle of muscles with his other finger. Logan through his head back with a shuddering grown and Carlos grinned as he came showering a string of pearls along his stomach. Logan stretched himself along Logan's body lapping up the warm salt with his tongue before stretching out beside the spent boy.

"Sweet dreams, Princess." Carlos murmured as Logan's breath went slow and deep.

A/N: I would like to remind all of you readers that in this storyline all the BTR boys are completely legal. I also promised you all lemon, and you got it, there was no penetration but I think I did a fairly good job, everyone got off anyway. I've been fighting to right this chapter forever, writers block is a bitch and I always get it when I try to write lemon.


	7. The Monkey King

Carlos and Logan were sitting on the couch when James and Kendall came back from the freezer. Carlos was half crouching on the couch cramming Cheese Doodles into his mouth with one hand watching "When Monkeys Attack" on the Nature Chanel. Logan sat with his legs crossed an open text book on his lap one finger tracing down the lines quickly. Between them their hands were clasped tightly. Carlos barely noticed the other two boys come into the room. Logan noticed and tried to reclaim his hand but Carlos would let go. Kendall noticed their intertwined hands first but covered his reaction and headed towards his and James room without commenting. It took a second longer for James to notice but when he did he stopped and opened his mouth to speak. Kendall quickly backtracked, retrieved his boyfriend, and drug him towards their room one finger pressed to his lips.

"Did you see that?" James blurted barely after Kendall closed the door.

"Yes, yes I did." Kendall said crossing to their bed. He crawled into bed and rested his back against the wall wrapping his arms around his knees to think.

"They were holding hands!" James said as he flopped down on the bed across from the pensive blonde.

"Yes, yes they were." Kendall said quietly his brow still knitted in thought.

"What's going on?" James asked cocking his head to the side.

"I figure it's one of three things. One: they're trying to mess with us. Two: they're going out and didn't want to tell anyone. Three: Carlos' little monkey brain can't process the fact that we're dating so he's captured Logan as his man bride to try to simulate the experience." Kendall said finally uncurling from his thinking ball.

"It could be platonic hand holding?" James said after a moment. "I mean bros can hold hands can't they? I mean girls hold hands all the time and it doesn't mean anything."

"True, girls do hold hands. Boys do not; it goes against the whole macho no emotion thing. Straight men generally do not touch each other to show affection or garner comfort; they assuage their psychological need for touch by wresting and dog piling." Kendall said quickly.

"Okay, I didn't understand half of those words, break it down for me." James said shaking his head violently to clear out the excess verbage.

"Sorry, Mom made me help her study for a Women's Studies and Psychology when she was getting her Bachelors. What I said was that guys don't hold hands so their either dating, fucking with us, or Carlos has captured Logan as his man bride."

"I don't know if they would mess with us just because we're dating and if it was the whole Carlos monkey thing wouldn't Logan have tried to escape or call for help?"

"Most likely, that may have been what happened the other night when Carlos tried his naked tickle fight. By now he could be suffering from Stockholm's. It's when a kidnap victim falls in love with their kidnapper." Kendall added when he saw the confused look on James face.

"So their dating or Carlos has kidnapped Logan and made him fall in love with him….which still kind of sounds like dating to me." James said after a moment of thought.

"So we go on the assumption that they're dating." Kendall said nodding his head in agreement.

"What do we do?" James asked.

"Good question, we could completely ignore it or we could go talk to them about it." Kendall said shrugging.

"If we ignore it and Logan does have Sockhome's syndrome we'll feel bad about it later." James said tapping on his ankle absent mindedly.

"Good point; we should go get this out of the way now before Mom gets home." Kendall said crawling to the edge of the bed.

"What does Momma K have to do with it?" James asked as he stood to follow Kendall.

"She's already got two gay kids under the roof; if we throw two more on her this quickly her brain might just explode." Kendall said as he crossed the room.

"What are the odds that all four of us would be gay?"

"About one in a million, I'd say." Kendall said with his hand on the door knob. "But it was a one in a billion chance that we'd go from being hockey players to a boy band so you never know." After that Kendall opened the door and they walked into the living room. Carlos never looked away from the television. Logan tried to reclaim his hand once more with no luck. Finally he gave up and prepared himself for the coming conversation.

"Are you two dating?" James' asked before Kendall had a chance to say anything. Kendall glared at him for a moment. He was planning on broaching the subject a little more gently but that plan was ruined. Instead he sat on the couch to patiently wait for an answer.

"I honestly don't know." Logan said after a moment. "The monkey king here doesn't like labels." Logan's choice of words caused Kendall's eyebrows to arch into his hair. James rolled into a ball and fell sideways off the couch laughing. Carlos finally looked away from the television and released Logan's hand to dive on top of James. Kendall scooted a little closer to Logan to avoid getting drawn into the fray.

"Are you guys sleeping together?" Kendall asked bluntly.

"Define sleeping?" Logan said his face contorting into an uncomfortable grimace.

"Well I guess that answers that question." Kendall said shuddering slightly. He had some sympathy for what it had been like to find out he and James were dating. Because thinking about Carlos and Logan doing things behind closed doors wierded him out. It was like finding out your brothers fooled around. "We cannot tell Mom about this."

"Why? She was alright with you and James." Logan asked flinching at the thought of Momma Knight angry.

"Of course she was, that was just two of us, can you imagine what a shock to the system it'll be when she finds out all four of us are gay." Kendall said waving his hand emphatically.

"Carlos isn't gay; he just likes to play with my junk apparently." Logan said focusing on his textbook as Kendall gave him a look of horror.

"Okay, for all intents and purposes, in this apartment if you have ever touched another guy's balls then you are gay." Kendall said rubbing his temples with his thumb and forefinger.

"That works for me, but try explaining it to the king of the hill over there." For an instant Carlos had managed to climb on James back and threw his arms up victoriously. In the next second he was back on the ground and rolling.

"Anyway, can you imagine being a single mother of two who is having to take care of four teenage boys and a criminally devious tween and finding out that your four teenage boys are gay….together?" Kendall asked tapping his hand on his leg for emphasis.

"Well to be fair Carlos is gay with me and you're gay with James. We're not all four gay together that would just be weird." Logan said shrugging his shoulder.

"Oh my God! You're just as bad as those two sometimes." Kendall said nodding over his shoulder to indicate the writhing ball of boy on the floor. "Focus, stop analyzing ever sentence that comes out of my mouth, and think for a moment. If my mom finds out the two of you are fooling around too she'll have a nervous breakdown!"

"Okay, I see your point." Logan said nodding. "Unfortunately it's a bit too late." He said pointing over Kendall's shoulder. He turned just in time to see Mrs. Knight drop her purse and tip backwards on her heels. Katie just managed to catch her before she hit the floor.

"Get off the couch and help me!" Katie hissed. "She's heavy and I'm short!"

"This would not have happened if you didn't have to pick apart every single sentence!" Kendall growled accusingly as he took his mother's weight away from Katie.

"I didn't know she was going to come walking through the door, I just wanted to clarify some points!" Logan replied vehemently as he dashed to the kitchen to wet a dish towel.

"Stop arguing, she was going to find out sooner or later, the apartment smells like boy juice." Katie grumbled as she walked over to the couch.

"Katie!" Kendall whispered staring at his little sister as Logan draped the rag over Mrs. Knight's forehead.

"Don't give me that look; I grew up with a pack of teenage boys." She said glaring at Kendall. "Break it up!" She shouted kicking at the still wrestling Logan and James. The two parted and scurried away from her before she could draw back for another kick.

"Whoa, what happened to Momma K?" Carlos asked when he noticed the limp form in Kendall's arms.

"Is she alright?" James asked drawing himself to his feet.

"She just fainted because no one in this apartment understands the concept of subterfuge." Katie said rolling her eyes. "Put her down on the couch she'll wake up eventually. Before she does I suggest whichever of you two monkeys that went at it in your room go hose the place down so she doesn't wake up to the scent of "Eua de Man Sex." Logan immediately ran to his and Carlos' room and hit the refresh button on his air freshener six times.

"You know it's kind of ironic. Mom told us we couldn't have sex in our room because Carlos and Logan couldn't and they end up having sex in their room first." Kendall said after he lay his mother down on the couch.

"Well all bets are out the window now." Katie said as she returned from the bathroom with the medicine chest. "I wouldn't be surprised if she had you all fitted with chastity belts if only to cut down on the smell." Katie said as she found a plastic vial in the bottom of the box. She snapped the tube in two and waved it under her mother's nose. Mrs. Knight bolted upright coughing.

"I just had the strangest dream." She said as she turned to put her feet on the floor. The sight of four recalcitrant teenage boys and an irritated Katie greeted her. "Oh crap, it wasn't a dream was it?" She said for a moment before climbing from the couch and walking across the room where her purse lay on the floor.

"Mom, where are you going? Wait, please." Kendall said starting after her.

"Kendall baby, I love you. I love you all and nothing will change that. But right now Mommy needs to be by herself and think. More importantly Mommy needs a drink." She said grabbing her purse from the floor and swinging it up on her shoulder. "Kendall watch your sister, Katie watch the boys." She said as she closed the door behind her.

"Oh great, look at what you numbskulls did, you broke Mom." Katie muttered gesturing at the door. The door opened back and Mrs. Knight stuck her head back in.

"Katie, tell me you at least like boys." She said pleadingly.

"Yes, Mommy." Katie said after blinking at her for a moment.

"Oh well at least it's a consensus." She murmured before closing the door behind her.

"Do you think chastity belts chafe?" Kendall asked staring vacantly at the closed door.

No one was awake when Mrs. Knight came in that night. She had spent five hours in an pub a couple of blocks from the Palmwoods drinking Irish Coffee. She sipped her drinks and stared at the dartboard weighing her pros and cons. On the plus side there was absolutely no chance of any of her boys being involved in a pregnancy scandal. On the other hand if either/both relationship broke up there then all hell would break loose in the apartment and she wouldn't know who to comfort. She decided this was why there were incest laws, it wasn't to prevent inbreeding, it was to save mothers' sanity. And of course now she had to worry about two fallouts if the media found out they were gay. Still by the time she left the bar she had a serene look on her face.

The boys had all slept on the couch. They were afraid to go to their rooms. They didn't know quite what affect it would have on Mrs. Knight. When they awoke the next morning to the sound of sizzling sausage and the scent of fried eggs they separated quickly putting as much distance between each of them as possible. It didn't help matters much that they had woken with James and Carlos spooned against Logan and Kendall who were snuggled up against each other asleep. Once they had distanced themselves they wondered sheepishly towards the kitchen. Katie sat at the counter sipping a cup of milk while Mrs. Knight bustled around the kitchen preparing breakfast.

"Are you okay, Mom?" Kendall asked softly.

"I'm fine honey." She said without breaking her stride.

"We're sorry we upset you, Momma Knight." Carlos said quietly dodging quickly behind James' when she turned to look at him.

"Its okay, Carlos sweetie, I'm not mad." She said as she shoveled eggs onto each plate. "There's going to have to be new house rules though." Katie went to slide off her stool. "Stay, some of these affect you too." Mrs. Knight said as she tipped sausage links onto the plates. Katie climbed back on the stool and wrapped her hand around the glass like a barfly clutching his shot glass. "For starters I guess the last rule is out the window. Carlos and Logan have not problem fooling around in their room so I guess that means you two can too." She said glancing at Kendall and James "However please don't do it when I or Katie is awake or home and turn the music up when you do, the last thing in the world I want to hear is…that. And please clean up after yourself because smelling it is worse than hearing it. Now, Katie," she said turning to her daughter. "This must seem really unfair to you, or at least it will in a few years. So I'll make a deal with you, you get the same rules these boys had. You can have boys in your room; you can have sex in your room. But the boys are eighteen right now so the rule doesn't go in effect until you're eighteen, got it?"

"Got it." Katie said shrugging her shoulder.

"Rule number two, you wash your own sheets now; that goes back to the whole hearing it smelling it thing. Rule number three: you have free reign of the house when it comes to kissing and cuddling because I know you can't do it outside where reporters can see you, but keep it pg13. I reserve the right to make up new rules as situations arise. Is all of this clear to all of you?" She asked glancing at each of the boys in turn. They each nodded emphatically.

"I have one more thing to say." She said as she handed each boy their plate. "You've all been friends since you were children. I would say you're brothers but that goes far beyond my coping ability right now. Relationships are hard; people get mad and feeling get hurt. Just be glad none of you have to deal with PMS. Please, please, please try to love each other as much as you do now for the rest of your lives because it would break my heart to see you guys split up and go your separate ways. I don't know if I could stand to lose my boys."

"Don't worry, Mom." Kendall said smiling as he linked fingers with James.

"No biggy." Carlos said as he placed his hand on the back of Logan's neck. The family took their plates to the table and sat down to eat. After a moment Mrs. Knight looked back up from her breakfast.

"And for the love of god, if for some reason all four of you end up in the same bed at some point I don't want to know about it." She said before she began eating again.

A/N: I decided to try for another chapter since the floodgates are already open. This is not what I expected but I enjoyed writing it. If this offends anyone I'm sorry but this is actually kind of the way my sense of humour runs so get used to it or get out. Now that everything is out in the open you can look forward to another exciting chapter…once I stop twitching from writing these two. Good luck and good night.


	8. Twilight at the Palmwoods

Logan had a bit of a secret obsession. It started a little while before the boys left Minnesota for L.A. His mother had been reading some new series and hadn't stopped talking about it for weeks. Finally he couldn't take hearing about it for one more second so he borrowed her books and read through the entire Twilight Saga in one day. The first Twilight movie came out when they were still in Minnesota. Logan donned a hoody and a pair of dark glasses and snuck off to see the premier without telling the other guys. He sat in the middle of the theater and bounced up and down happily when Jacob came on the screen.

When the second movie came out in L.A. he followed the same routine: hoody, dark glasses, snuck to the premier. He was one of a half billion fangirls that screamed when Jacob took his shirt off for the first time. It was almost time for the third movie to come out and he was waiting impatiently. He was watching the previews for the hundredth time in a week when Carlos stalked out of the bathroom. He stopped at the foot of the bed and scratched his stomach stretching. Logan's eyes flicked up to take in the sight of naked Carlos then widened before dropping back to the screen.

"Holy crap you're mini-Jacob!" He shouted after a moment more of comparison. Carlos jumped at the sudden noise.

"What?" He asked scrubbing at his eyes with the back of his hand.

"Come here and look." Logan said pointing at the screen. Carlos shrugged and climbed up on the bed beside Logan to look at the screen.

"Hey that's the guy from the movie Katie and James are always watching." Carlos said peering at the shirtless boy on the screen. "Do you have a crush on him or something?"

"No, of course not." Logan scoffed closing the laptop quickly.

"Then why did you just call me mini-Jacob and look like you just found the last piece of candy as the bottom of the bag?" Carlos asked wrapping his arms around Logan's waist.

"Okay, so maybe it's a little crush?" Logan admitted apologetically.

"Does this mean I have to start calling you Bella and get a tattoo?" Carlos asked smirking against Logan's neck.

"You don't have call me Bella or get a tattoo." Logan said sighing. "But I wouldn't be opposed to getting you some cut off jeans." Carlos threw his head back laughing and squeezed Logan from behind.

James' obsession wasn't as secret. The framed photograph of Robert Pattinson that took a place of honor on his nightstand stood testament to his fascination with the movies. He had never read the books because he heard once that reading could give you crow's feet and bags under the eyes but he had seen every movie on the day it came out. The other guys knew but they didn't pay much attention James had always been a bit star obsessed. Kendall did get a bit upset one day when they were making out and he caught James staring at the picture.

"Oh come on!" He groaned as he rolled away from his distracted boyfriend. "Tell me I'm as least as good looking as that furry, British neck sucker."

"Of course you are." James said tearing his eyes away from the photograph. "Your eyebrows are way better….I just wish you were sparkly sometimes." He said under his breath. He wasn't quite enough though. Kendall still managed to catch the whispered words. As James snuggled up to him to sleep a brief smile crossed his face. Once James was in a deep sleep Kendall slid out of bed and grabbed his cell phone off the dresser and snuck out to the living room to dial a familiar number.

"Kendall, what is it? It's like two in the morning." Kelly's groggy voice answered the phone.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up." He winced.

"It's okay I'm up anyway, why did you call?" She asked some of the sleep leaving her voice to be replaced with a shadow of her usual cheerfulness.

"I was wondering if you knew anywhere to get lots of body glitter." Kendall asked groaning silently as he heard the words come out of his mouth. All four of the boys had been doing the best to hide their relationships from Kelly and Gustavo. Kendall was pretty sure Kelly would be okay with it. But he was also pretty sure she wouldn't be able to keep the secret from Gustavo who would undoubtedly freak out and start screaming.

"Why do you need that much body glitter?" She asked tiredly.

"Um…it's Katie's birthday soon and….." Kendall stammered trying to finish the lie without messing it up.

"James is Team Edward, isn't he?" She asked rolling her eyes. She fully appreciated that Kendall and James' had done their best to hide their feelings for each other, but one skill that teenage boys do not possess is stealth then it comes to their emotions.

"Yes." Kendall said quickly and quietly.

"The makeup department at the studio stocks the stuff in tubs. I'll bring you some tomorrow if I get to see his reaction when he sees you." Kelly said laughing.

"Deal." Kendall agreed. "Goodnight, Kelly."

"Goodnight, Kendall." She said as she hung up the phone.

"Who was that?" Gustavo asked as he stumbled towards the kitchen for a glass of water. Kelly turned around at her desk in the corner of the living room.

"Kendall." She replied watching Gustavo fill his glass from the filter picture in the fridge.

"What did the king of the dawgs want?" Gustavo asked disinterestedly.

"He just had a question." Kelly said shrugging noncommittally.

"Are you almost done with that paperwork?" Gustavo asked as he took a drink of the water.

"Yeah, I'll be up in a few minutes." He nodded and dropped his glass in the sink and kissed her on top of the head as he walked by.

The next day when Kelly showed up with the body glitter she found Kendall standing near the front door of the Palmwoods wearing a pair of Chuck Taylors, black skinny jeans, a grey t-shirt, and a short flannel shirt. She climbed out of her car with the tub of body glitter and handed it to him.

"Did you go out and buy that outfit just for James?" She asked laughing.

"No, I already had it in my closet." Kendall said shrugging. "I'm starting do doubt James' motivations for wanting to be with me."

"He probably hasn't even noticed the resemblance." Kelly said reassuringly.

"Maybe not. I'm going to run and get ready you can go on upstairs James and Katie are watching New Moon again." Kendall said heading toward the doors.

"Okay." Kelly said shrugging. She went up the apartment and knocked on the door. Logan opened it and invited her in. James and Katie were sitting side by side on the couch, neither glanced her way as she sat down on the couch. Logan sat down beside her and picked up the Popular Science magazine he had been pretending to read. They got through fifteen minutes of the movie before Logan and Carlos' bedroom door opened and Carlos came out wearing a pair of cut off jeans that came halfway up his thighs and a pair of warn sneakers. Kelly glanced up and started her eyes flicking towards the screen before looking back at Carlos. She glanced at James but he wasn't paying any attention to anything but the screen. She looked at Logan and grinned as she saw a blush spread across his cheeks.

"Team Jacob, huh?" She asked leaning over to whisper in his ear.

"Uh huh." He said quietly before shaking himself. "I mean what are you talking about?" Kelly just rolled her eyes and went back to watching the movie as Carlos walked towards the kitchen. Logan's eyes never left him. When the front door opened Kendall walked in. He had rubbed the body glitter over every visible surface of his body and had spiked his hair. He stood in the doorway and cleared his throat. James glanced at the door and went back to watching the movie before doing a double take. He jumped to his feet.

"Oh my god, you sparkle!" He said running over to bounce around Kendall. "So pretty." He said when he finally managed to stop bouncing. Katie had finally managed to look up from the television and was staring at her brother with a dubious expression. Carlos came out of the kitchen with a muffin and stood beside Kendall looking him up and down like a new hockey stick. Kendall turned and glanced down at him.

"That is just way too freaky." Katie said after a moment.

"We got two Bella's, an Edward, and a Jacob. What does that make you?" Kelly asked as she watched James' circle Kendall trying to catch the sparkle from different angles.

"Disturbed." Katie said shaking her head as she got up and headed towards the bedroom.

"Where are you going?" Logan asked glancing away from Carlos for a second.

"To my room, this movie has suddenly lost all appeal for me." She said as she closed the door behind her. James had finally attacked Kendall pressing him up against the wall and covering him in kisses. Logan was sitting on the couch staring at Carlos, who stood in the middle of the floor eating is muffin innocently, rubbing his palm against the leg of his jeans like it itched.

"Well, I need to get back to work. Gustavo's writing a new song and he needs coffee." She said quickly as she jumped to her feet. Logan nodded distractedly as she ducked out the door.

"Hey Kelly, what are you doing here?" Mrs. Knight asked as she passed her in the hall.

"I was never here; I can't be blamed for any of this." She said raising her hand up defensively as she walked by. When Mrs. Knight opened the apartment door she found the boys sitting on the couch watching Twilight. Carlos was wearing a pair of Daisy Dukes and Kendall was covered in glitter and James' lips were sparkling.

"Katie, come on we're going out to watch a movie!" She shouted as she stepped back outside. Katie made a mad dash from their room and closed the door behind her.

"Anything but Twilight." She said quickly as they headed down the hall.

"Agreed." 

A/N: Okay so I've been wanting to do this chapter forever and I'm kind of afraid it falls flat after Monkey King but I'm still glad I was able to introduce my only straight OTP in BTR Gustavo/Kelly. This was also three chapters in two days and I honestly don't know where I'm going to go after this so sit back and read what's posted it'll take a while for the ideas to build back up.


	9. No Good Deed

No good deed goes unpunished even those that are richly rewarded. When James' discovered that Kendall had covered himself head to toe in body glitter he wasted no time showing his enthusiasm loudly and emphatically until eventually both boys were covered in glitters with the greatest concentration being on James' hands and lips. When Kendall woke up the next day broke out in hives he learned a very valuable lesson. Always test a new cosmetic on your arm before you stick it down your pants.

"Oh my god!" A hoarse scream roused James from his sleep. He sat bolt upright in bed to find Kendall standing naked in front of the mirror scratching furiously at his skin which was covered in broad red blotches from his head to his toes.

"What happened?" James asked climbing out of bed to join his boyfriend at the mirror.

"I don't know, I think I was allergic to the body glitter." Kendall croaked, his throat was sore and swollen.

"Come on, we need to get that stuff off or you before something falls off." James said taking Kendall's hand. He led him to the bathroom, helped him into the shower and climbed in after him. As warm water cascaded over both of them James did his best to scrub the glitter from Kendall's skin with his loufa. Kendall tried to enjoy the gentle hands working over his body but they only offered a brief tantalizing relief to the constant itch.

"How bad is it?" James' asked as he turned Kendall around by the shoulders and looked down at his crotch.

"I want to take a piece of steel wool to it." Kendall whimpered fighting the urge to cross his legs and scissor them like a cricket.

"Poor baby." James said as he took his exfoliating glove down from the shower wrack and slipped it on. After he applied a liberal amount of shower gel he began to clean the affected area. Kendall threw his head back with a sigh as the rough textured glove brought immediate relief. Normally scrubbing that particular appendage with a glove that felt like a cats tongue would have been uncomfortable to say the least but as the glitter and top layer fell away beneath its bristly surface the itch was almost good. "That's better." James said laughing as he felt Kendall swell and harden through the glove. James' changed his grip and soon Kendall was making noises of an entirely different nature although it still had everything to do with relief. Soon he had to wrap one arm around Kendall's shoulders to keep the shorter boy steady while he bucked his hips against the glove before grunting gutturally and thrusting once more. James caught him as his knees went loose beneath him. After Kendall regained his composure he looked up into James' face grinning as he reached for him. James took a quick step backwards.

"You're still itching aren't you?" He asked his face serious.

"Yes, I almost forgot before you brought it up." Kendall said grimacing as his hands reached up to scratching at his chest. James pushed his hand away and ran the glove over his chest. For a moment Kendall thought about what he had just done to that glove but as the rough caress instantly soothed his screaming skin he decided to ignore it. Finally all traces of the glitter was gone from his skin but Kendall was still itching.

James lead him back to the bedroom and gestured for him to lay down on the bed before heading back to the bathroom to return with two small pink pills and a bottle of pink lotion. He handed Kendall the pills and a glass of water before pushing him back against the pillows. Uncapping the lotion James poured a generous amount on his hand and began to rub it into Kendall's skin staring at his face, working his way down his neck, down his chest, over his stomach . The pills had taken affect quickly and though they didn't completely annihilate the itching they did make Kendall very sleep, so sleepy that his arms and legs felt very heavy almost as if they were tied down to the bed. James took special care to skip Kendall's groin as he smoothed the lotion over the blond boys legs. The sensation of Kendall's lotion greased muscled smoothing beneath his fingers had already taken it's affect on James but he ignored it as he finished rubbing the lotion onto Kendall's feet.

When James returned to the area he had so diligently skipped over he was amazed at how resilient his boyfriend was even in the throes of an allergic reaction and drugged with Benadryl. When the lotion and motion caused Kendall to rise to the occasion James was more than happy to pour an extra dollop on his hand and go back to work smoothing the pink liquid over the irritated skin between Kendall's legs taking special care to get every corner and crevice even if he knew glitter had never reached them. When James ran one lotion covered finger up one particularly special crevice Kendall moaned drowsily and thrust his hips down against James finger. James stopped and looked up at Kendall's closed eyes.

"Are you awake?" He asked.

"Uh huh." Kendall managed to slur.

"Feel like trying something new?" James asked a mischievous smile crawling across his face.

"Shure." Kendall said without opening his eyes. James reached down and spread Kendall's legs a little wider. He couldn't help but smile as he looked up at Kendall, dyed pink from his head to his toes and everywhere in between. He looked like a really, really hot Easter bunny. James positioned himself until he was between Kendall's legs, one on each side of him resting on his crossed knees. James ran his fingers up Kendall's crevice again and was again rewarded with a moan and a subtle down thrust of his hips. James slid his fingers in deeper until he found what he was looking for. He circles the tip of his finger around the tight ring of muscles and smiled as Kendall clenched around him and moaned into the pillow. Finally James pushed gently at the ring of muscles until his finger slid in. The sensation broke the medicine's hold on Kendall for a moment and he raised his head staring at James lucidly.

"Dude, warn a guy before you do that!" He grumbled but any further protest was cut short when James crooked his finger. "I think I have to pee." Kendall said shifting uncomfortably. James rubbed his finger over that special little button a few more time. "Nope." Kendall said quickly as his legs twitched against James'. James could feel the tight muscles releasing around his finger and Kendall had already drifted back of into his stupor.

"Ready for another one?" James asked as his finger caressed the same area over and over.

"Yeah." Kendall said his face screwed up in an expression of pure concentration. James added another finger to the passage and began stroking with both. Kendall whimpered and reached for his now fully erect dick. James batted his hand away. "It'll be better like this I promise." Kendall nodded and arched into James fingers his breath growing short and heavy. Finally he bit back a shout as his muscle tightened and went to jelly. James watched as spots of white suddenly decorated Kendall's pastel pink skin.

"If that was what happens then I'm thinking we should try the real thing." Kendall said sleepily.

"Really?" James asked his eyes brightening.

"Sure, if it's like that then maybe I don't have to be the guy." James wanted to make sure that he wasn't going to do anything Kendall would regret when he was lucid so he reached up and stroked Kendall's head. Kendall's head snapped up and his eyes snapped open as small spasm ran down his body.

"Don't do that." He said shakily.

"Are you serious, do you want to try…IT?" James asked now that he had Kendall's full attention. Now that Kendall wasn't quite so woozy he remembered that James was quite a bit bigger than two fingers. But he had offered and the thought of getting the other boys hopes up only to dash them gave him a disquieting feeling.

"Go slow, very slow, you're fucking huge remember." Kendall said pointing his finger at James lap. James nodded emphatically and was on his knees so quickly it made Kendall's head spin a little.

"You know for someone who was gung ho about not having sex you're pretty excited." Kendall said glaring up at him as James lifted his knees to rest on his shoulders.

"I've been thinking, just because it hurt like hell the first time doesn't mean it's going to every time, I mean you just enjoyed yourself." James said smirking down at the pink boy with blonde hair.

"Does that mean I get a turn?" Kendall asked dubiously.

"Yeah, but we're already kind of ready to go." James said bucking his hips and grinning when Kendall managed to blush through the lotion.

"I can't believe I'm letting you do this." Kendall said covering his eyes with one hand. "Get it over with."

"Way to ruin the mood, dude." James said scowling down at him. "If it's going to be such a chore we don't have to do it." He said sliding one of Kendall's legs off his shoulder.

"It's not that, Jamie." Kendall said quickly replacing his leg. "I'm not used to this whole gay thing; the thought of letting you do me is kind of embarrassing. I mean I'm supposed to be the guy."

"No one's going to know about this, it's just me and you enjoying each other." James said jerking his hips so that Kendall's cheeks went red again.

"Alright, okay, but do we have anything to use for lube?" Kendall asked glancing around the room. "It'll probably be easier with less friction." James thought a moment before scurrying off to the bathroom to return with a small tube of Vaseline. "Do you realize how hard that is going to be to clean off?" Kendall asked glancing at the tube.

"It was your idea….besides I'll do all the cleanup work." James said a wicked smile flaring across his face. Kendall thought about getting up and running for the bathroom but he was already invested in this and it wasn't like it didn't feel spectacular the first time. Finally he lay his head back resignedly. James coated two of his fingers with the petroleum and began slicking it all around Kendall's ring before gently working his fingers inside. It was one thing to lie back and enjoy it while he was loopy on Benadryl but his discomfort at the conversation had burned through the haze and he squirmed uncomfortably at the feeling of James fingers inside him. It wasn't that the feeling wasn't enjoyable but it was strange and embarrassing. It was even worse because James seemed to be enjoying his discomfort.

"You're a sadist you know?" Kendall asked looking up at his boyfriend as James diligently lubricated his tunnel.

"I don't know why the thought of having sex with me makes you so uncomfortable." James said as he removed his fingers and applied a generous amount of the jelly to himself.

"I don't know either, it's just weird, I didn't spend my teenage years fantasizing bout having things go up my butt." Kendall said feeling his pulse pick up as James positioned his hips.

"I'm not sure any guy fantasizes about that, but you enjoyed yourself before, I think you'll enjoy yourself know just take a deep breath and try to relax."

"Okay, I'm relaxed." It was one thing to say it but it was a whole other story when he felt James' blunt head poking at him. He took deep breathes and tried to relax but he still clamped tightly.

"Let's try something different." James said, sighing. He reached his free hand and wrapped it around Kendall sliding it up and over his shaft slowly. Kendall's last breath came out in a shuddering sigh and he focused on the sensation of James' stroking his dick. James could feel the muscles loosen and began to slowly push forwards. He stopped when Kendall gasped.

"It's okay, it just stings a little." Kendall choked out but his voice was high and tight and James could tell he was in pain.

"Maybe we shouldn't do this." James said starting to pull out. "Maybe I'm just too big; I don't want to hurt you."

"No, it's okay." Kendall said shifting his position slightly. "Just go slow, I can do this." James nodded and pressed a little harder. He slid in a few more inches before Kendall whimpered and he stopped.

"Just move your hips a little bit, your almost there." Kendall said breathing deeply. He wasn't terribly aware of his prostate but the last thrust had almost felt good so he knew James must be getting close. James pushed in a little deeper and Kendall moaned as his head brushed across the right spot.

"Okay, keep going." He said, panting. "Wiggle you hips a little." James complied and the movement caused his shaft to rub back and forth against Kendall's prostate. The pleasurable sensations overrode the pain and he actually thrust himself down the last few inches causing James' to disappear inside him completely. "Okay, take it slow until I tell you to speed up." Kendall said, still panting. James nodded, he wasn't going to have any problems going slow, and Kendall was so tight he had to be careful or it would all be over before it was started. James pulled out until only his head remained before pushing in slowly. Kendall squirmed a little but didn't say anything after a while he nodded his head.

"Go a little faster now." James picked up his head and Kendall's head lolled as electricity prickled through his stomach and lower. "Oh god that feels good." He moaned after a moment. James watched his dick jump and spasm against his stomach. He took it as a sign that everything was okay and picked up his pace. Kendall was still gripping him tightly but he had loosened a little it wasn't as hard to push in anymore. Kendall's hand went up to his head and tangled in his hair as he bit his lip, he couldn't even feel the pain anymore, it was all washed away by the constant tingles coming from deep inside him. Finally he couldn't take it anymore.

"Aach, James!" He shouted arching off the bed as he came spilling his seed over his stomach. James grinned and picked up his pace until finally his hips jerked forward violently. Kendall lay back on the bed and whimpered as he felt the hot liquid spill out inside of him. His legs slid from James shoulders and James let himself drop forwards until he was lying on top of Kendall. His stomach pressed against Kendall's too sensitive skin and he shuddered beneath him.

"Do you want me to pull out?" James whispered in his ear.

"No, stay." Kendall said sleepily. "I love you."

"I love you too." James said kissing Kendall on the neck, smiling as the blonde boy began to snore gently.

Logan lay on his side with his hands clamped over his ears. He had been able to hear most of what was going on in the next room even with the bathroom door closed. When Carlos gently shook his shoulders he rolled over and let them drop to his sides. He grimaced when Carlos' hand smoothed over his chest and down his stomach.

"Logie," Carlos whispered tantalizingly.

"Carlos, if you tell me Kendall's sex noises turned you on we're going to have problems." He said, darkly as he glared up at the other boy.

"No, they didn't turn me on but they did give me ideas." Carlos said his hand coasting lower until it slid over the Logan's briefs. Logan shivered and smiled.

"What kind of ideas." He asked all too innocently.

"Like how much better those sounds would be coming from you." Carlos whispered nuzzling against Logan's neck.

"Mmm hmm," Logan mumbled. "Would you ever let me do you?" Carlos stopped and Logan opened his eyes to find him in deep thought.

"Sure," He said after a moment. "But you have to do something for me." Carlos knew how to get things that he wanted. That was the reason Logan was lying on their bed right then wearing a t-shirt and a pair of briefs when he had only ever warn boxers. Carlos had been thinking about seeing Logan's skinny body in nothing but a t-shirt and tighty whities for weeks. He didn't know why but the thought of Logan's long thin legs drove him crazy. When he realized that Logan felt the same way about him running around in cut of jeans he made a deal. He would wear the cutoffs in Logan wore briefs around the room and to bed.

"What?" Logan asked, sighing. He was still getting used to Carlos' last condition. Going from boxers to briefs made him feel naked but he couldn't complain about the way Carlos looked at him when he took off his jeans.

"I got something for you a few days ago." Carlos said climbing off the bed, he went over to his dresser and came back with a small box. He handed it to Logan and grinned as he waited for the smaller boy to open it. Logan looked at the box suspiciously then up at Carlos. The box was too big to hold jewelry. Finally he lifted off the lid and pulled the tightly wadded gray bundle from the box.

"Seriously?" Logan asked shaking out the pair of gray briefs. "This is your only condition?"

"Turn them around." Carlos said still smiling. Logan shrugged and turned the briefs around to find "Princess" emblazoned across the back in bright pink, glittery letters.

"You can't be serious!" He grumbled glaring at Carlos.

"You don't have to wear them, but if you want to be on top you have to wear them." He said, smirking.

"And you want me to keep them on while we do it?" Logan asked, rolling his eyes.

"That's what the fly is for." Carlos said, snaking two of his fingers through the y front.

"Alright it's a deal, but I have my own condition." Logan said, a dark grin spreading across his face.

"What's that?" Carlos said suddenly nervous.

"I get to go first." Logan said laughing.

"Deal." Carlos said, shrugging.

"What? Really?"

"Sure, it's all the same to me, and I get to see you in these." Carlos said, taking the gray underwear from Logan and shaking them under his nose.

"Fine." Logan climbed off the bed and pulled his shirt off over his head. He pulled down his underwear and reached for the gray pair. He pulled them on then went to climb back on the bed.

"Wait, aren't you going to show them off a bit?" Carlos asked his face disappointed. Logan sighed but turned to strut around the room for a moment. When he turned back to crawl onto the bed Carlos was already lying on his back spread eagle and he had obviously enjoyed the show. "You're a sick individual." Logan laughed before he crawled onto the bed between Carlos' legs.

"Say what you want, I like you in them." Carlos said thrusting his hips into the air. Logan blushed for a second. "We need lubricant." Carlos nodded and reached over to the bedside table. He pulled out the top drawer and grabbed a tube from on top Logan's stash of Twilight books.

"You already bought lube?" Logan asked grimacing at Carlos.

"No, I've had this for a while." Carlos said innocently.

"Why?" Logan asked, shaking his head bemusedly.

"Um…wishful thinking?" Carlos asked grinning apologetically.

"I should be pissed, but the fact that I get to use it first is just ironic enough to amuse me." Logan chuckled as he reached for the tube. He coated himself in the slick grease before squeezed a dollop onto his finger and reached for Carlos entrance. Carlos didn't make a sound as Logan's finger slid into him. He did whimper as Logan worked his finger around before ending by curling it over Carlos prostate. He added another finger and scissored them together . Carlos writhed on the bed his hips bucking against the air.

"You're enjoying this way more than I expected." Logan said as he added a third finger.

"I got a little curious yesterday." Carlos said. Logan's jaw dropped as a small blush spread across the tan boy's cheeks.

"You've been playing with yourself haven't you?" Logan asked grinning.

"It felt good." Carlos said his blush going brighter.

"I knew you gave in a little too easily." Logan said, shaking his head and he positioned himself in front of Carlos' loosened opening. He slid in slowly going more quickly when Carlos only shuddered. He quickly picked up his pace when Carlos made small encouraging noises deep in his throat. He couldn't believe that the guy who refused to label himself as gay was the same one moaning in time with the thrusts of his hips. Logan shivered as Carlos started tightening around him each time he drove forwards until finally he was pistoning into the other boy. A few moments later Logan groaned deep in his throat as he felt the pressure explode he managed to ride the orgasm and keep thrusting until Carlos gave a hoarse shout and came on his stomach. Logan pulled out and flopped beside Carlos on the bed.

"That was awesome." Carlos murmured. "Would you do me one more favor?" He asked glancing over to Logan?

"What's that?" Logan asked smirking.

"Wear those tomorrow?" Carlos asked looking down at Logan stilling poking through the fly of the briefs.

A/N: So this is my second chapter of lemon scented goodness for In the Rain and I'm getting a little bit more comfortable writing the naughty. I decided to shake it up a bit, obviously Carlos and Kendall are little tops but I thought it would be nice to start things out on their ear. Hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Pleas review, I love getting the FF Review Emails.


	10. Blood Stains

Mrs. Knight had finished breakfast early and left because Katie had a call back for a commercial for a new acne cream. Carlos and Logan took the opportunity to sneak their breakfast into the living room and were sitting on the couch eating. When Kendall came out of his room he was limping. He headed towards the kitchen without saying a word. A few moments later James came out with a guilty expression on his face and disappeared into the kitchen. Logan slumped against Carlos side snickering. Carlos waited until he was finished laughing then gave him a confused look. Logan leaned over and whispered into his ear causing Carlos to throw his head back in loud bellowing laughter. When Kendall came out of the kitchen he gave him a scathing look before turning to glare at James. When Kendall sat on the couch he yelped and jumped back up before sitting on his hip leaning against James. Logan bit his lip and Carlos grinned widely.

"Hey, Kendall, what's up?" Carlos asked after a moment. "You're walking like you did when you broke your butt bone in the game against East Timberly." Normally Kendall would have laughed it all off, but he was in quite a bit of pain and was looking forward to a whole day standing in the studio he wasn't in the mood.

"Speak of this again and I will destroy you and all you hold dear." He said smiling darkly at Carlos. Carlos burst into another fit of cackling laughter managing to scatter a good amount of his scrambled eggs on the couch in the process. Kendall didn't say a word, he merely looked at Logan and gave him a twisted smile, Logan fidgeted for a moment before poking Carlos in the ribs.

"Shut up or he'll kill me to get revenge." Logan whispered in Carlos ear. Carlos stopped laughing and looked at Kendall before wiping his face to a sober expression. When Kelly came up to get them a little while later Carlos and Logan dashed out the door towards the limo, it took Kendall a little longer to get off the couch and he was moving slow as he headed towards the door James hung back with him.

"Are you alright, Kendall? You didn't hurt yourself did you?" Kelly asked innocently. She knew that Kendall still snuck off to a local ice rink to skate when he was going crazy and she thought he might have twisted his ankle on the ice.

"I'm fine, I slipped in the shower." Kendall lied effortlessly as he limped towards the door.

"Are you sure? If you're in that much pain then maybe we should stop by the hospital first." She said a look of concern on her face.

"NO!" Kendall said quickly. The last thing in the world he wanted was to explain to a doctor why he was injured and then deal with the examination. The only person he planned on letting see it was James and he wasn't getting near him for a long damn time. "I'm okay, I don't need a doctor."

"If you're sure." Kelly said the worry still on her face. "If it gets any worse, Gustavo will make you go you know? He likes to keep his bands in good working order." Kendall nodded.

"Kelly, could you run on to the car?" James asked looking at her.

"Um, sure." She said shrugging before turning to walk off. When the elevator door closed behind her James turned to Kendall.

"Maybe you should let them take you to the hospital." James said his hazel eyes tight with concern.

"I'm not going to the doctor just because you popped my cherry, Jamie." Kendall grunted as he limped towards the elevator.

"But what if I hurt you?" James said his face guilty and worried. "I mean I might have damaged something inside of you."

"I'm just a little sore, I'm not bleeding." Kendall murmured shaking his head.

"I'd feel better if you let me take a look." James said finally wincing as Kendall turned on him his eyes blazing.

"You want to take a look? I'm in pain and embarrassed the last thing I want to do is bend over and let you poke around down there again." Kendall hissed pointing at the back of his jeans. James eyes followed his finger and he stopped the colour draining out of his face, his eyes going wide. Before Kendall realized what happened James had swept him off the floor and was carrying him down the hall.

"What the hell, James!" Kendall shouted slapping at his shoulder.

"You're bleeding." James said quietly as he punched at the elevator buttons.

"What?" Kendall said twisting in his arms to try and look. "It's probably nothing just take me back to the apartment so I can change my pants."

"No, you're going to the hospital, now!" James said carrying him onto the elevator when the doors open.

"I don't want to go to the hospital," Kendall whimpered as the elevator door slid closed behind them. "You promised me no one would find out."

"I know, I'm sorry, I had no idea this would happen but you could really be hurt and I'll never forgive myself." James said his bottom lip trembling. "Please just let me take you to the doctor." Kendall finally relented with a sigh.

"Alright, we'll go the hospital and have a doctor check it out, just please don't start crying." He said reaching a hand up to stroke James face. When the elevator opened in the lobby James dashed through ignoring the chatter that erupted. He carried Kendall through the doors where Kelly was waiting outside by the limo.

"What happened?" She asked as James carried Kendall to the limo and climbed in.

"He started bleeding; we need to go to the hospital." James said as she climbed into the car after them.

"Whoa, what's going on?" Carlos asked as James sat down still cradling Kendall to his chest. Logan's sharp eyes had already spotted the blood on the seat of Kendall's jeans. He reached his hand over and clamped it across Carlos' mouth. Kelly was already on the phone with Gustavo.

"We're taking Kendall to the hospital." She said her voice low. "Because he's bleeding and a doctor needs to look at him." She replied to Gustavo's question. "It doesn't matter where he's bleeding." She said hanging up the phone. She had already noticed where the blood was coming from and put two and two together but there was more blood than she would expect and she was worried again. The ride to the hospital was made in almost silence, the only sound was James making small cooing noises to Kendall. When they arrived at the hospital a nurse and doctor were waiting by the doors with a gurney. James was loath the release him but he finally sat Kendall down on the gurney.

"Please, don't make me go back there alone." Kendall said grabbing James hand at the gurney pulled away. It wasn't just the embarrassment anymore. As he had lain in the limo he could feel more and more warmth spread out through his jeans and he was getting scared. When he saw the blood stain on James' shirt where he had lain he was terrified.

"I'm not going anywhere." James said his eyes going cold and defiant as he looked up at the doctor and nurse. Kelly, Carlos, and Logan stood in the middle of the hall watching as the doctors disappeared deeper into the hospital with Kendall and James.

"Oh God, is he going to be okay?" Carlos asked his voice had gone small and quite like a little boy's. Logan wrapped his arms around the shorter boy squeezing him against his chest.

"I'm sure he'll be fine." Kelly said but her expression wasn't reassuring.

"What relation are you?" The doctor asked James as they wheeled Kendall through the hospital.

"I'm his…" James stuttered going quiet.

"He's my boyfriend." Kendall snapped, daring the doctor to try and make James leave.

"How did this happen?" Kendall didn't offer any explanation this time, his cheeks flushed and he bit his lip.

"We had sex last night for the first time. This morning Kendall was sore but he said everything was okay, then we were on our way to the studio and he started bleeding." James explained his voice beginning to shake. They had finally reached triage the doctor and nurse flipped Kendall from the gurney onto and examination table, the nurse pulled out a pair of scissors and ran them down the seam of Kendall's jeans quickly stripping him. James stood at the head of the bed holding Kendall's hand. Kendall squeezed his hand and bit back a scream as the doctor's finger poked at him and fire spread across his back.

"We've got a small tear." Here the doctor said to the nurse. "What did you boys use for lubricant?" He asked glancing up at James.

"Vaseline." James said quickly.

"God, that's worse than using nothing at all, it causes more friction." The doctor said grimacing before turning back to Kendall. "You're going to be alright, there's just a small tear in the skin. You aggravated it by getting dressed and moving around. We're going to put you under and suture wound. Weren't you in pain?" The doctor asked curiosity finally overcoming him.

"I'm a hockey player." Kendall said shrugging. Now that he knew he wasn't dyeing he was find. James however was going to pieces. His arms were shaking and tears were coursing down his face.

"You'll have to stay in the waiting room while we prep and take him to surgery." The doctor said glancing at him.

"Could you give us a minute?" Kendall asked glancing over his shoulder at the doctor. The nurse grabbed the doctor's arm and pointed towards James. He sighed and nodded opening the curtain to step out.

"Jamie, it's going to be okay." He said rubbing his thumb across the back of James hand.

"I knew this could happen and I did it anyway. I'm so sorry, Kendall." James said his bottom lip trembling. "I should have known better."

"James, you had no idea that this would happen, you just thought it would hurt. This isn't your fault. They're going to take me back and patch me up and we'll know better next time." He said drawing James hand over so he could kiss the palm.

"Next time? There isn't going to be a next time!" James shouted turning away from Kendall. "I'm not going to hurt you again."

"Jamie, you didn't hurt me, it was the petroleum jelly, we didn't know any better. This could have happened just as easily to Logan and Carlos." Kendall said pleadingly. "Come here and give me a kiss so the doctors can come in." Kendall said. James came back over to the table and leant down to give Kendall a quick chaste kiss. The doctor came back in and grabbed the gurney. "I'll be okay." James stood in the hallway and watched Kendall vanish deeper in the hospital. The nurse stood by patiently until finally he turned to allow her to lead him back to the waiting room.

"It's going to be alright," she said as they walked down the hall. "This kind of thing can even happen with straight couples if there isn't enough preparation and the guy is well endowed." She said comfortingly. James simply nodded but there were tears still running down his face. When they stepped into the waiting room Logan, Kelly, and Carlos jumped to their feet.

"Is he going to be alright?" Kelly asked.

"He's going to be fine; they're prepping him for surgery to repair a minor laceration." James walked by without speaking and sat at down. "He's taking it pretty hard though." She whispered glancing at the tall boy with hazel eyes. Kelly nodded, Carlos and Logan had already moved on either side of James their arms wrapped around his shaking shoulders. The nurse finished explaining the situation to Kelly and walked away. Kelly turned around and looked at the trio in the waiting room. Three of her boys were sitting in the plastic chairs sniffling while the fourth was down the hall in surgery. She pulled out her cell phone and stepped outside leaning against the wall and breathing deeply through her nose as she selected a entrance in her address book and dialed.

"Hey, Kelly, what's up?" Mrs. Knight answered the phone brightly as she fidgeted with Katie's hair.

"Miranda, we're at the hospital…"Kelly began.

"Oh god, who's hurt, is it Carlos? What happened?" Mrs. Knight said quickly her pulse speeding and her face draining of colour. Her hand fell away from Katie's hair and the teen caught it squeezing.

"It's not Carlos, its Kendall he's in surgery." Kelly explained tears pricking at her eyes as she heard the panic in the other woman's voice. "He's going to be okay."

"What happened!" Mrs. Knight screamed into the phone tears welling up and flowing down the corners of her eyes.

"I honestly don't think Kendall would want me to tell you." Kelly said wincing.

"I'm his mother, tell me what happened." Miranda said her voice going frosty and dark.

"He and James were…together and they didn't know what they were doing. Kendall got a small tear and it started bleeding this morning." Kelly said sighing, Kendall was going to kill her. "The nurse said it was tiny, all they have to do is clean it and stitch it up. He's going to be fine but James is a wreck." Miranda rested her head on her hand.

"I'll bet he is. I'll be there as soon as I can, take care of my boys."

"I will." Kelly said, she heard Miranda hang up the phone. She closed her own and went back into the waiting room. Carlos and Logan were still wrapped around James and he had stopped crying. Kelly walked over and knelt down in front of him. When he glanced up at her she had to bite her bottom lip to keep a sob from escaping her lips, she had never seen anyone look so miserable before in her life. The thought crossed her mind that she wished she hadn't come to care so much for these boys but it instantly fled. She put a hand on either side of his face and held him steady while she spoke.

"Stop blaming yourself, James, because I know Kendall doesn't blame you. He loves you." Kelly said stroking a tear away as it slipped from his eye. "Please stop beating yourself up."

"But Kendall didn't want to but I convinced him I told him no one would know. Now he's hurt and everyone's going to know."

"We don't care what you two do in the bedroom." Carlos said nudging James shoulder.

"No matter how loud." Logan agreed smiling. James just shook his head.

"I think the nurse recognized us and if she didn't someone else probably will. This probably means the end of the band."

"James, if girls care that you and Kendall are together then they weren't really fans to being with." Kelly said catching his attention again. "And even if half the girls stop buying records think of all the extra guys that will." She said smiling.

"Besides it never mattered if we made it," Carlos said wrapping his arm around James shoulders squeezing them gently. "All that ever mattered is that we came out here together and had fun. We've been having fun for two years. If we go home tomorrow it'll be the same, we still have each other. Even more than we did before."

"I know but the band was important to Kendall." James said scrubbing at his eyes.

"Which do you think is more important to him, the band or you?" Logan asked rolling his eyes. Before James could answer the nurse came back into the room.

"He's out of surgery and is in recovery. The damage was much less than we first thought, did he take any blood thinners this morning?" She asked looking at James.

"Um…no, when he got up he could barely move so I got him some Ibuprofen." James said glancing up at her.

"That would do it," the nurse nodded. "Pain medication like that does tend to thin blood. It caused the wound to bleed more than it normally would. He didn't even need stitches we just cleaned the wound and packed it with gauze."

"He's going to be okay?" James asked, for the first time he sounded hopeful.

"He's going to be fine, he was coming around when I left, and he wanted to see you." She said. James stood up to follow her. "When we move him into another room the rest of you can come in too." The nurse led James back to Kendall's room. "I wanted to warn you, he's a bit loopy from the anesthetic." She said as she opened the door and stepped back to let James in. Kendall's head lolled and he favored James with a bright grin.

"Jamie, you came to see me." He said reaching his floppy arms up for the taller boy.

"Of course I did." James said bending over to give Kendall a hug, jumping as one of the blonde boy's hands trailed down and grabbed his butt. "I see you're feeling better." He laughed as he reached back and pulled Kendall's hand away.

"You've been crying, don't cry Jamie." Kendall said his face going to one of woozy concern. "I'm okay; the nurse woman said I didn't even need stitches. I'm kind of glad; stitches in my butt would suck." James laughed at the expression of horror on his face. "Are you okay now?" Kendall asked his eyes shifting back to focus on James.

"I'm okay." James reached back and grabbed a chair sliding it close to the bed so he could sit and hold Kendall's hand. "I was just worried that you wouldn't be. Kendall, I think the nurse might have recognized us."

"She did, she asked for my autograph, but I can't write my name right now." Kendall said his face smoothing out as some of the anesthetic wore off.

"If she tells anyone it'll be a big scandal, the record label might drop us." James said wincing, he expected him to start screaming but he didn't.

"If they record label drops us we'll go home and try again." Kendall said shrugging. "I don't care."

"But Big Time Rush means a lot to you."

"Do you think I care about this band more than you?" Kendall said squeezing James hand. "I would drop this stupid band in a heartbeat if it meant keeping you and me together or keeping Carlos and Logan together. Being together is more important than being in a stupid band."

"I…"

"No, Jamie, I love you more than anything else and don't you forget it." Kendall said tapping James hand.

"Oh thank goodness, you're awake." Kendall looked up and found his mother and Katy standing in the door. They both had tear tracks on their cheeks.

"Yeah, I'm okay." Kendall said shrugging jumping as his mom crossed the room and wrapped her arms around him squeezing tightly.

"I can't imagine what I would have done if I lost you." She moaned stroking the back of his hair.

"Mom, it was nothing." Kendall said slightly embarrassed. She stepped back and let Katie walk up to Kendall. He opened his arms to hug her but instead she slugged him in the arm.

"Katie!" Mrs. Knight gasped grabbing her daughter.

"You jerk; you scared the crap out of me!" She grumbled before hugging him.

"I'm sorry, please don't hit me again." Kendall said as he wrapped his arms around her shoulder.

"The three in the waiting room are getting kind of antsy." The nurse said sticking her head into the door. "We're going to move you into a bigger room." Kendall nodded as an orderly came through the door and pushed his bed to another hall a little further down the hall. When they had situated the bed the nurse left and returned a couple minutes later with Kelly, Carlos, and Logan. The three dove on top of Kendall simultaneously leaving him patting backs with a look of consternation on his face.

"I'm sorry I made fun of you this morning, I didn't know you were really hurt." Carlos said prancing uncomfortably.

"It's alright dude, neither did I." Kendall said patting him on the arm.

"I called Gustavo and told him you'd be okay." Kelly said smiling. "He's not happy you missed a day in the studio but he's glad you didn't die."

"That's sweet of him." Kendall said rolling his eyes.

"You actually used Vaseline?" Logan asked smirking.

"I will eventually get out of this bed, Logan." Kendall growled grabbing the front of his friend's shirt.

"I'm glad you're okay." Logan said laughing as he tried to pry Kendall's fingers away. Kendall released his shirt with a grin. Just then the doctor appeared in the doorway holding a stack of pamphlets.

"I would like to talk with the patient and that one for a moment." He said pointing at James. James blanched as the rest of the group migrated out into the hall.

"So when do I get out of here?" Kendall asked the doctor when Logan closed the door behind him.

"We're going to keep you a couple hours and make sure you don't start bleeding again. Until the wound heals you'll have to keep it clean and it'll be much more comfortable if you can keep this ointment on it." The doctor said handing Kendall a small tube. "I brought these pamphlets as well, they're about safe anal sex….I thought you could use the information." He said smiling at them. "Do yourself a favor and pick up some personal lubricant before you try that again; speaking of which, you should abstain for a week or two until your wound heals."

"No problem," Kendall said throwing up his hands. "He's not getting near me for a good long while." The doctor nodded and walked out of the room.

"Ah, but I was going to help apply the ointment." James whined. Kendall glared at him for a moment before breaking into a grin.

A/N: So I wanted to do something a little more serious because the past few chapters have been all about sex and wacky high jinks. I didn't check all my facts so don't flame me for screwing up the Ibuprofen thing I'm not sure if it actually thins your blood or not. I was completely serious about being careful during anal sex the risk of tearing his present and it's not something you want to deal with. BTW I really considered turning In the Rain into an mpreg but I didn't think it would go over well with everyone so I threw Kendall in the hospital to satiate myself. Read and respond please, hearing from you guys makes it all worthwhile.


	11. Made of Glass

After Kendall got out of the hospital James treated him like he was made of glass. At first it was nice having the usually self absorbed beauty queen lavishing attention on him but after a few days Kendall had just about had enough. He had expected his recovering to be a little bit more interesting at least, but when James had said he wanted to apply the ointment that's exactly what he meant. He helped Kendall take down his pants, smeared the cream over the quickly healing tear, and then pulled his pants right back up again. Kendall had done his best to entice James but the taller boy seemed absolutely oblivious. Finally four nights after they left the hospital Kendall snapped. He and James were sitting on their bed watching music videos when Kendall went to shift his weights and hissed as the all too familiar sting lit up his nerves.

"Do you need some more salve?" James asked reaching for the bedside table.

"No, its fine, I just turned wrong." Kendall said shaking his head without taking his eyes off the computer screen.

"Are you sure? You're sitting funny again." James said his fingers still on the little white tube.

"I'm sure; I don't want you touching me if you're not going to touch me." Kendall snapped his brows furrowing over his nose.

"What are you talking about?" James asked. Kendall glanced over at him and felt a little guilty at the hurt look in his eye but he had already broached the subject he wasn't going to turn back now.

"James you haven't offered to touch me unless it's medicinal since I got out of the hospital. I know the doctor said that we had to abstain for a while until I healed up but I honestly think he meant you needed to keep your monster out of my ass not that we shouldn't fool around." Kendall said sighing.

"I didn't think you'd want to." James said after a moment.

"What part of our relationship so far gave you that assumption?" Kendall asked smirking at him, now that things were out in the open he was already starting to feel a little better.

"I don't know? The part where we had sex, I promised you no one would find out, and then we ended up in the hospital the next day because you were bleeding." James said shrugging his shoulders.

"You think I'm still mad at you?" Kendall asked shaking his head in disbelief.

"Well not about the whole tearing thing, but I figured your might still be a little bit pissed now everyone knows that you let me….you know." James said stuttering over the last part.

"Okay, I have to admit that was a little bit embarrassing…especially considering it wasn't just Carlos and Logan but Kelly and Mom too. And I am still waiting to see a tabloid headline that says "Secret Gay Tryst Lands Big Time Rush Front man in Hospital" but I'm not mad at you because of it. That part wasn't any more your fault than the rest of it." Kendall reached over and put his hand on the back of James neck and pulled him closer for a kiss. "But seriously, Jamie, you've been putting that ointment on for four days. It still hurts and I'm still a little gun-shy but pulling my pants down so you can play with my backdoor then pulling them up without getting off is really starting to suck."

"Okay, I can see your point there." James said grinning broadly. "So what do you want me to do about it?

"I don't know, we'll make it up as we go along." Kendall said grinning as he pulled James shirt off over his head.

Kendall wasn't the only one missing that loving feeling. Logan had been waiting for Carlos to call in his end of the bargain for the past couple of days. He had actually expected sex the day that Kendall went into the hospital but the whole ordeal kind of put a damper on anything sexual. Still it had been four days and Carlos hadn't offered to flip him over and make him scream and he was getting fidgety. As much as he trusted Carlos some twisted little part of him was always whispering that the dark skinned boy would decided that it was easier to be with girls and he would walk off leaving Logan all alone. And Carlos may not have been sure about his feeling for Logan but Logan knew that he would be absolutely broken if Carlos ever left him. Logan was curled up in bed reading Breaking Dawn for the third time and Carlos was sitting at his feet playing with his toes. It was kind of distracting but Carlos still seemed to be entranced by the sparse sprinkling of long black hairs he had found there and they kept him distracted while Logan read. . Once Logan had made a comment about plucking them and Carlos had whimpered.

"Carlos, is something wrong?" Logan asked finally putting his book to the side.

"Not that I know of, what makes you think something is going on?" Carlos asked glancing up at him.

"Because it's been four days since we had sex and I'm wearing these god awful underwear." Logan said reaching down to snap the waistband of his grey briefs. "And you still haven't offered to make your move." Carlos stretching his arm out across the bed and lay his head on it staring up at Logan.

"I guess I'm kind of nervous." He said after a moment of thinking.

"What do you have to be nervous about? You've already had your turn on your back." Logan crossed his legs and leaned forward.

"Well, I'm a lot thicker than you are and after what happened to Kendall I didn't want to chances on you getting hurt too." Carlos said finally. Logan leaned forwards and kissed him lightly on the nose.

"Honestly, I spent most of my time in the locker room completely ignoring the three of you existed so something bad wouldn't happen so I don't know exactly how well endowed James is compared to you…"

"Dude's hung like a moose." Carlos muttered grinning.

"It's nice to know that you've been staring at James." Logan said grimacing down at Carlos.

"I wasn't staring I was comparing. Your stuff is prettier anyway." Carlos said shrugging.

"Wait, were you trying to figure out which one of us you wanted?" Logan asked squinting.

"No, I was trying to figure out why I wanted you when I didn't want anyone else." Logan slid onto his side so his body was stretched against Carlos their legs tangled together.

"You know, you can be really sweet when you're not being obsequious." Logan said running his fingers over Carlos chest. "Anyway back to the point. James is hung like a moose, apparently, and Kendall and James had no idea what they were doing. I've done the research and we have proper lube. I think you can do it without hurting me….well edit that, it's going to hurt at first no matter how careful you are but you can do it without damaging me."

"I take it you really want sex." Carlos said smirking as he stroked the curve of Logan's face.

"I've been waiting for this a lot longer than four days, Carlos Garcia." Logan murmured sliding his thumb over the darkness of Carlos' nipple. Carlos shivered as Logan's remarkable deft fingers caused lighting to shoot straight to his groin.

"Well patience should be rewarded." Carlos said pushing Logan onto his back he climbed on top of him and kissed him. He loved the way Logan's eyes still went vague the moment their skin touched and how he took on a look of complete confusing and concentration when they were together like he was trying to figure out how he felt and why. More importantly Carlos was pretty sure he loved Logan Mitchell. He pressed his lips into the long line of Logan's neck chuckling as his fingers found the hem of his t-shirt he pulled it off and leaned back running his fingers down the thin trickle of hair that flowed down the center of Logan's chest.

"I can't believe you're the only one that has chest hair, Princess." Carlos said shaking his head and as he scooted back and pulled at Logan's briefs.

Logan shrugged and lifted his hips and feet so Carlos could remove the underwear and throw them across the room. At first the fact that Carlos made a point to throw his clothes on the clean floor had driven Logan crazy. But there was something satisfying about flying out of the bed to pick up the room after they were finished while Carlos lay in the bed and watched him smirking. When the underwear went flying Carlos returned to the task at hand digging his blunt fingers into Logan's hips until he could run his tongue over the soft skin between his thighs. Logan shivered under the delicate caress of Carlos tongue, when he reached up and fisted his fingers into his short hair Carlos grinned and reached for the tube of lube on the bedside table. He spread some of the jell on his fingers with his thumb and worked them into Logan's entrance. Logan winced at the first breach but soon the tight ring of muscles loosened around Carlos' fingers and he lay back against the bed to enjoy the spasm that exploded through his lower body.

"Are you ready?" Carlos asked after a moment, he sat up on his knees and positioned himself Logan's legs resting on his elbows.

"Yes." Logan sighed bracing himself for the initial sting. Carlos' girth made it worse than he had ever imagined but it also made sure that Carlos hit his prostate on the first thrust causing Logan to curl off the bed with a soft moan. Carlos had an idea and slide his arms out from under Logan's leg to grip his back. It meant that he had to support the taller boy's weight but Logan was so insubstantial that it amazed him sometimes, the new position also meant they were face to face and Carlos could watch the display of expressions was across Logan's face. Logan wrapped his arms around Carlos shoulders and Carlos let his hand slide down his slender sides to grip his hips and lifted the smaller boy shivering as he felt him grip around his cock as it slid out. In was difficult to concentrate on lifting Logan and letting him down gently with each new wave of sensation bursting from his groin but watching Logan's face take on that look of confounded concentration was totally worth it. As Carlos neared his own climax he watched Logan's face. Suddenly the expression shifted his eyes went wide and his jaw dropped. It was as if he suddenly understood whatever it was he had been pondering. The expression was so cute that Carlos could help but laugh even as he felt Logan tighten around him bringing the inevitable. He was still laughing as he lowered Logan onto the bed and flopped beside him.

"What's so funny?" Logan asked smiling as he rolled onto his side to snuggle up against Carlos.

"Your face." Carlos sighed turning to look over at his friend. "When you go the look you get is so cute." Logan's smile suddenly faded replaced by a look of abject disgust. "What's wrong?" Carlos asked sitting up.

"Oh god, it's starting to leak back out." Logan shouted jumping to his feet. He ran to the bathroom and slammed the door behind him.

"Logan, it's okay." Carlos said sighing as he climbed to his feet. He should have expected as much but Logan's obsessive cleanliness had seemed to have gotten less extreme since they'd been together. He walked over to the bathroom door and tried the knob. "Unlock the door." Carlos leaned his forehead against the door.

"No, I'm messy." Logan whimpered from the other side of the door.

"Did you forget something? I like it when you're messy." Carlos said smiling. The door unlocked and he stepped into the bathroom. He took Logan's shoulders and led him into the shower and turned on the water. Logan's face relaxed as the warm water rushed down and washed his thighs clean.

"I had no idea you were going to freak out like that." Carlos sighed as he knelt down to make sure it was all gone. "I mean, you swallow."

"I know but it was coming out of my butt, it was cold, and there was more of it than I thought there would be." Logan said looking at his feet abashedly.

"I can wear a condom next time if it bothers you so much." Carlos said tilting Logan's face up.

"Really, you'd do that for me?" Logan asked smiling brightly.

"It's no problem." Carlos said returning his smile before kissing him on the tip of the nose.

James was unbuckling Kendall's belt when they heard the shout of horror from the next room. He looked up at Kendall's bewildered face before bursting into laughter.

"I wonder what that was about." He mused as he pulled the belt from Kendall's jeans and began unbuttoning the fly.

"I honestly don't think I want to know." Kendall said smirking as James slid his zipper down. He rolled over on his back and grinned at the taller boy as he slid his jeans off.

"Yeah as long as it doesn't involve another hospital visit I don't care." James said pulling Kendall's boxers down as he took off his shirt. Kendall lay naked against the bed. James stood at the foot and stared down at him. Kendall stared up at him his green eyes just a little wide, his blonde hair hanging down on his forehead, and a gradual blush creeping south from his cheeks until his chest was red too.

"I love how you do that." James murmured as Kendall squirmed.

"What?" Kendall asked after swallowing hard. He had never taken note of the look in James eyes when he was naked. It was kind of scary and way too hot.

"The ever unflappable Kendall Knight blushing like a little girl and squirming." James growled as he slowly pulled his shirt off over his head. Kendall sat up on his elbows to watch the show. James took note of his sudden attention and slowly undid the buttons on his jeans one at a time never taking his eyes from Kendall until finally the last button popped loose and he shimmied out of the tight jeans slowly leaving only a bare of barely there bikini briefs that did little to hide him. Kendall gave a shuddering sigh that caused James to smirk cockily. He was far from bashful when it came to his body he enjoyed watching Kendall's eyes go vague and burning as his clothes slid away to the floor.

"I've never had anyone look at me like that before." Kendall said when he was finally able to draw his attention away from James body.

"What way?" James asked as he hooked his fingers into the waistband of his bikini.

"Like I'm good enough to eat." Kendall said after a moment's thought. James chuckled and slid the underwear down his legs.

"You've just never seen anyone look at you like that." He said as he climbed over the foot of the bed. "People look at you like that all the time: boys, me, girls, me. But you're always so damned centered that you never notice what's going on around you." James said as he crawled up the length of Kendall's body, the movement really should have been awkward sense his knees were spread wide on either side of Kendall's legs as he moved but Kendall suddenly found his breath coming in short panting gasps. "Until one day it's right in front of your face and you don't have any choice but take notice." James said rearing up on his knees. He was now straddling Kendall's narrow chest and a rather obvious bit of his anatomy was indeed right in front of Kendall's face. Kendall blinked and licked his lips.

"I don't think I'm that oblivious." Kendall said grinning weakly.

"Oh really?" James said shaking his head with a grin. "Do you like cock Kendall?" He asked sliding backwards until they were face to face and his dick was level with Kendall's. Never taking his eyes off Kendall's he slowly thrust his hips dragging himself against Kendall's erection.

"Yes," Kendall groaned as nerves all over his body caught fire.

"We've been playing hockey together since we were fourteen." James said thrusting his hips again. "And it took me crawling into bed with you to notice me. ME!" James said pouting as he thrust his hips again. Kendall moaned and arched his back trying to gain a little more friction.

"Okay, maybe I'm a little oblivious, but at least I'm not conceited." Kendall grunted as James continued slowly moving against him.

"I'm not conceited, I don't know what people see in me, but I know what they want from me." James said as he watched Kendall's eyes scrunch at if he were fighting the coming explosion. "And I've denied them all waiting for you to open your eyes and see me." Kendall's eyes flickered open and blinked confusedly at James. He could feel the muscles low in his stomach start to tighten.

"You really don't understand what people see in you?" Kendall asked pressing a hand against James face.

"I didn't mean to get into the serious stuff, let's just enjoy ourselves, okay?" James sais brushing him off.

"You enjoy yourself and listen to me." Kendall said shivering as he clamped down on another wave of sensation coursing through him. "I see the most beautiful eyes in the entire world. A face so perfect it's ridiculous, lips that I could kiss forever and never need air. I see love that makes me feel like such a loser because there is no way in hell I could ever deserve it. I see a person I could spend the rest of my life with and never get bored. I see you James and there is nothing I see that I'm not completely in love with. Oh fuck." Kendall arched into James again and felt twin heats splash between their skins. James wormed his arms underneath Kendall and squeezed the shorter boy against him nestling his head in the nitch between his head and shoulder.

"You're the only guy I know that would fight off an orgasm to tell me that." He said sighing. "The only guy stubborn enough too."

"You needed to hear it." Kendall said laughing. "I'm just glad you were dense enough to fall for me."

A/N: I don't care if it's overdramatic or not I like the way Logan reacted. Besides some OCD people never do manage to have sex because sex is definitely messy. Anyway that's that chapter. Now on to some plot…lots and lots of plot because I'm getting bored.


	12. Broken Glass

Carlos was sitting on the couch watching Ghost Facers on the Paranormal Channel. His helmet was fastened soundly under his chin as he huddled under a blanket. Each time the high strung investigator would shout Carlos jumped and tugged the blanket down over his face. Logan would have found the whole display adorable if he weren't freezing his ass off. Carlos turned the thermostat so he could hide under the blanket comfortably. That wouldn't have been so bad in and of itself except that Logan couldn't get under the blanket too. He had tried and had ended up with a startled Carlos' elbow in his ribs. He had quickly moved to away to a minimum safe distance and watched Carlos jump and yelp as goose flesh rose on his arms. When the show went off he grabbed the remote and switched it off. Ghost Facers was the only show on PC that Carlos absolutely had to watch religiously but if left to his own devices he would veg in front on the television with the blanket over his head for the rest of the day.

"I'm cold." Logan said standing and chafing his arms.

"I can turn the thermostat back up now." Carlos said jumping to his feet and heading towards the wall beside the door.

"I'd rather go to the pool." Logan said as Carlos dialed the temperature back up.

"There are a lot of better ways to warm up but we can go to the pool if you want too." Carlos said smirking over his shoulder.

"If it were up to you we'd never leave the bedroom." Logan said smiling warmly. Carlos took it as a sign of victory and moved towards him. Logan caught his outstretched hand before it could reach his fly and kissed Carlos quickly on the lips. "But I'd still rather go to the pool. I haven't been outside in days." Carlos pouted for a moment but finally shrugged and headed towards the door. They stopped in front of the closed door and kissed one last time before dropping hands and leaving the apartment. It was a sort of ritual all four of them had started. They got one last moment of contact before they went outside because they knew they couldn't touch each other like that until they got back. Carlos tried to steal another kiss on the elevator but Logan dodged and pressed his fingers to the shorter boy's lips. You never knew when the door was going to open on a floor and Carlos was too much of a distraction. When the door opened in the lobby Carlos let out a mad war whoop and ran towards the pool. Logan followed him chuckling and shaking his head. Carlos found two empty lounges by the pool as straddled one staring into the water. The temptation to sit down in front of him and lean back against Carlos' broad chest was great but Logan shook his head clear of the concept and leaned back on the other lounge. Knowing Carlos he would have wrapped his arms around him like it was the most normal thing in the world but Carlos wasn't great at pretentions. Logan knew how quickly things could go wrong if the whole world knew that Big Time Rush was a bunch of homos…and Carlos. He also knew how quickly the other people at the pool would label Carlos gay.

Logan was deep in thought when Stephanie walked over and sat down on the chaise in front of Carlos her hand instantly going to his knee. He didn't even notice until he heard Carlos's voice followed by girly laughter. He glanced over and gritted his teeth as he found her hand on Carlos knee. He wasn't sure what was worse: the fact that she was touching his…Carlos or that Carlos was letting her. He kept watching, waiting for Carlos to mover her hand away from his knee but he didn't. When he reached down and patted her hand Logan got up and stalked towards the Palmwoods Park. He tried to wrap his anger close around him but by the time he got to the tree by the wishing well his eyes were burning with unshed tears. He flopped on the ground beneath the tree and pressed the heels of his hands against his eyes willing the tears to fade but instead they spilled over onto his palms.

He told Carlos that being able to label them and their relationship would make him feel safe and secure but he was wrong. The fact that Carlos was still considering himself completely straight and the fact that he wouldn't give in and call Logan his boyfriend made him feel like it was all temporary. And as he sat under the tree with his knees drawn up to his chest whatever anger he had felt quickly drowned in the ever rising fear that Carlos would decide that his life would be easier dating girls and he would leave Logan alone. They had only been together for a few weeks and Logan was hesitant to say that he was in love with Carlos Garcia but he felt deeply for the high-strung boy and he really didn't think he could go from sharing a bed to watching him go out with girls.

"Are you okay, Logan?" Logan jumped and started scrubbing at his eyes. He looked up to find the last person he thought would show up, James.

"It's nothing." He said still trying to dry his face on the back of his sleeve.

"You looked pretty upset." James said dropping into a sitting position a few feet in front of Logan. Logan looked up at him like he'd grown a second head. James Diamond wasn't the kind of guy that sat in grass, it might stain his jeans. James was also not the kind of guy that Logan went to for comfort. Usually he ran to Kendall when things got bad, he'd known Kendall the longest and he considered him his best friend. The only secret he'd ever kept from the blond haired boy was his sexuality. But he and Kendall hadn't been hanging out as much lately because Kendall was busy with James and Logan was kind of wrapped up in Carlos. He wasn't really close with James at all, they were friends, he like the tall boy but they just didn't have a lot in common.

"You promise you won't laugh at me?" Logan asked finally. James was offering to help him and he didn't want to brush him off and hurt his feelings.

"Why would I laugh at you when you just got finished crying?" James asked grinning at the absurdity.

"I'm scared that Carlos will decide he wants to date girls instead of me." Logan said burying his face in his hands again.

"You don't see it then, do you?" James asked after a moment. Logan looked up to find a look of dubious wonderment on James face.

"See what?" Logan asked shaking his head bemusedly.

"The way Carlos looks at you when you're wrapped up in a book or any other time he thinks you're not paying attention." James said smirking. "Carlos is head over heels for you, Logan."

"No he's not," Logan said scoffing.

"Don't be too sure about that, here he comes now." James said levering himself to his feet quickly. "Give him a chance before you give him up to the next set of tits that walks along." James said patting Logan on the shoulder before he walked off.

"Logan, are you okay, did you hurt yourself?" Carlos asked as he came running over to the tree. He slid to his knees beside Logan and started prodding him as if looking for gashes and broken bones.

"I'm fine, Carlos, quit poking me." Logan sighed catching his searching hands and forcing them into his lap.

"Why were you crying? Did James say something mean?" Carlos asked glaring over his shoulder at the retreating lanky form.

"Stop, nobody did anything to me. I just freaked out a little bit okay?"

"What made you freak out?" Carlos asked finally sitting dropping to his but beside Logan.

"I saw you with Stephanie and she was flirting and I just started worrying." Logan said staring at the ground. He was beginning to feel awful. He still didn't really trust Carlos and the other boy had never done anything to earn his doubt. "I know I should trust you, Carlos. And I'm really trying to, but I'm still afraid you'll decide you want to be with some random girl and walk off and leave me." Logan said he was still unable to meet Carlos warm brown eyes and he felt more tears pricking at his own. Carlos still hadn't said anything. Logan was afraid that he'd upset him. He turned to apologize when something solid thunked down on top his head. He instantly brought his hands up to feel the smooth plastic of Carlos's helmet as the other boy's fingers drew the snaps together underneath his chin.

"You're giving me your helmet?" Logan asked with an incredulous look on his face.

"No, I'm loaning you my helmet, if you want your own helmet I'll buy you one…a pink one." Carlos said, grinning as his fingers lingering over the curve of Logan's chin before falling away. "But it always makes me feel better when I'm scared."

"I don't think a helmet's going to help me if you decide to leave." Logan said shaking his head, the weight of the heavy plastic felt strange on his hair but he didn't want to take it off.

"Princess, for someone so smart you're so stupid sometimes." Carlos said sighing.

"What?"

"I love you." Carlos glanced quickly glancing around the park for any prying eyes before quickly kissing Logan on the lips. He knew Logan didn't like for him to be affectionate in public but damned if he was going to say the words without kissing him.

"I know you love me, Carlos." Logan said his voice sounding small and pained. Carlos could kick himself for making such a big deal about the distinction between loving someone and being in love with them. It was coming back to bite him in the ass in a big way. "No, I LOVE you, freak show." Carlos said wrapping his arm around Logan's shoulder and drawing him close. Logan's eyes rose to scan the park instantly before he snuggled into the curve of Carlos' body.

"Really?"

"Oh my god, yes!" Carlos said squeezing Logan's slender shoulder. "I would tell you everything that made me love you but that'd be too mushy and I have a feeling it's all been done before."

"You could tell me a few things." Logan said sheepishly. Carlos chuckled and leaned his cheek against the smooth black plastic encasing Logan's head.

"Okay, I like the fact that you're taller than me but I can still throw you over my shoulder and pack you like a satchel if I want to. I love it that every time we get done fooling around you jump up and pick up our clothes off the floor. And I love the way your eyebrows crinkle together when you're thinking and the way you're thinking all the time. Most of all I love the little bitty hairs on your toes the fact that you let me play with them without kicking me in the face."

"So our relationship is built on the fact that I have fuzzy toes?" Logan asked after a moment.

"That had better have been a joke because I can't handle this whole romantic pooky-face stuff if I can't undress you afterwards." Carlos grunted.

"Then let's go back to the room." Logan said standing to his feet. He headed towards the Palmwoods. Carlos shook his head with a grin and followed him.

When James got back to the apartment Kendall was stretched out on the couch watching television. He turned the volume down and sat up stretching as James walked through the door .

"How long does it take to buy cheese doodles and hairspray?" He asked as James sat the bag down on the coffee table.

"On my way back I saw Logan in the park by the wishing well." James said extracting the cheese doodles from the bag to throw to Kendall. "He looked like he was crying so I stopped to see what was wrong." Kendall was on his feet and headed towards the door before James could get the magazine he had bought out of the bag.

"I better go talk to him." Kendall said with his hand on the door knob.

"I already did, he's fine…or at least I think he'll be fine. He and Carlos just need to work some things out." James said dropping onto the couch with his issue of Them Weekly.

"Oh god, I'm going to kill him." Kendall groaned as he opened the door.

"Kendall, Logan's just freaking out over nothing right now. He and Carlos need to talk it out he'll feel better. Come sit down." James said patting the seat beside him.

"I know how to deal with my brother okay?" Kendall grunted before stopping dead in his tracks. James looked up over his magazine his eyes going wide. "I meant bro."

"No you didn't, you were about to take Carlos' head off because you thought he hurt Logan and you just called him your brother. What's going on, Kendall?" James closed the magazine and tossed it on the coffee table. Kendall sighed and closed the door turning to James.

"In the bedroom, I don't want anyone to hear this." James got up of the couch and followed him to the bedroom quickly. "Did I ever tell you why my parents split up?" Kendall asked as he closed the door behind him.

"No, the last time I asked was in ninth grade and you said you'd kick my ass if I didn't let it go." James said as he sat down on the bed. Kendall turned and started pacing the floor. It belied his normal tranquility and made James nervous.

"My dad was a real asshole, he never hit us and he was always great with me and Katie but he was a whore." Kendall said his voice low and angry. "Mom gave him the benefit of the doubt for a really long time and kept him around for us kids. When Katie was about four he came home after a big game and he was drunk as hell. He told Mom that he had gotten another woman pregnant. Mom wanted to know who it was but he wouldn't tell her."

"Oh wow." James said, he climbed off the bed and went over to wrap his arms around Kendall's waist if only to stop the pacing. "Are you sure it was Logan?"

"Yeah, he's only a few months younger than me and he has no idea who his dad is." Kendall said resting his head against James' chest. "The first day I brought Logan home from school with me Dad stared at him for a long time and Mom got really mad. I didn't understand what was going on until I heard her on the phone screaming at Logan's mom for sleeping with him. They eventually got over it but she threw Dad out. I guess by then it hurt her more that he had slept with her friend than it hurt her that her friend had slept with her husband."

"So Logan is your little brother and Momma Knight knows, and you know, but Logan doesn't know." James summarized.

"Pretty much." Kendall said his voice muffled against James shirt.

"You know most people would be pissed." James mused running his fingers through the back of Kendall's hair.

"It's not his fault his dad's a bastard anymore than it is mine." Kendall said sighing. "And I've always thought it sucked that he didn't get to have a dad even if our dad was crappy."

"What about Momma Knight?"

"Mom feels the same way; she loves Logan because he's Logan and her best friend's son she's not going to hate him because Dad screwed up." Kendall pulled away from James and went to flop on the bed. He had been carrying the secret for so long it felt weird to have it out in the open.

"Why hasn't anyone told Logan?" James asked going to sit down on the bed beside Kendall.

"I don't know why his mom never told him, Mom didn't tell him because she didn't, and I haven't told him because I'm not supposed to know. I guess Mom would have eventually told us if we had started liking each other or something." Kendall said rolling his eyes.

"But she said if we all ended up in bed together she didn't want to know." James said shaking his head bewilderedly.

"You have a good point, that's kind of creepy." Kendall said shivering.

"Logan really needs to know, Kendall" James said after smirking.

"I know, but I'm scared he'll freak out or something." Kendall said flopping back onto the bed.

"Why would he freak out?" James asked lying back with him his arm thrown across Kendall's chest. "He loves you, I mean he looks up to you like he already knows you're his big brother, and you guys have been tight since way back."

"I guess you're right, I really should talk to him." Kendall said sighing.

"Well now's your big chance." James said as the sound of the apartment door closing reached his ears.

"Will you distract Carlos for a little while?" Kendall asked as he sat up.

"No problem." James said kissing him on the cheek as he walked over to open the door. Just about the time he opened the door Carlos walked by. James gave a loud whoop and dove on top of the smaller boy tackling him halfway across the living room.

"What the hell!" Logan shouted as Carlos hand was ripped from his own.

"Could I talk to you for a minute?" Kendall asked poking his head through the door He glanced at Carlos' helmet on Logan's head but decided to ignore it. Logan stared down at the rolling boys for a moment more before he walked over to Kendall.

"What's going on?" He asked wearily as he turned to watch his boyfriend wrestle around the living room with Kendall's.

"Just James being James." Kendall said shrugging nervously.

"And Carlos being Carlos." Logan said sighing. "We were coming up here so he could be romantic and mushy and he gets sidetracked with James. Do you ever wonder if it'd been easier if we started going out?" He asked glancing up at Kendall. The blond boy's face went blank and pale as he eyes bugged out of his head. Logan arched his eyebrow quizzically.

"No, it never crossed my mind, we really need to talk." Kendall said grabbing Logan's arm to pull him into the bedroom.

"Seriously, what's going on, you're starting to freak me out." Logan said as Kendall slammed the door behind them and started pacing across the room. "If this is some lame attempt to ask me and Carlos for a foursome forget it."

"Logie, for one minute could you not make jokes, please?" Kendall asked rubbing his forehead as if he had a headache. Logan stopped and stared at him. Kendall hadn't called him Logie since they got to high school.

"Is there something wrong with my mom?" Logan asked his voice going high and tight.

"No, your mom is fine." Kendall said stopping to look at Logan. "Could you sit down or something?" Logan shrugged and sat down on the bed, he unstrapped Carlos' helmet from his head and sat it down beside him, he wanted whatever this was over with before it got any weirder.

"It's about your dad." Kendall said finally after a few minutes of silent pacing.

"I don't have a dad." Logan said slowly staring at Kendall like he'd lost his mind.

"Everyone has a dad, Logan." Kendall said frustrated.

"I have a father, a father who left my Mom after a one night stand." Logan said feeling the old familiar anger well back up. He loved his mom, she was a great mom and even more so for raising him all by herself…well she wasn't all by herself she had Momma Knight but that was different. He had always hated the anonymous man that had collaborated in his birth then left them alone. He didn't need a father but it would have been nice to have had one. Come to think of it the only men in his life had been his father and Kendall's both had walked out on their sons and their women. No wonder Logan was having problems trusting Carlos.

"That's the thing, Logie. He left my Mom too." Kendall said stopping to stare at Logan. Logan blinked at him owlishly.

"My father and Momma Knight used to date?" He asked after a moment.

"Oh fuck." Kendall swore sweeping back into his pacing. "I should have known you would make this as hard as possible. No, Logan, your father and my mom were married."

"But I though Momma K was only married once to your dad." Logan said.

"Are you serious?" Kendall crossed the room and put a hand on either side of Logan's face staring into his eyes. "My dad was your dad; you are my little brother you irritating little egg head." Logan eyes blinked rapidly a few times before he reached up and took Kendall's hands off his face.

"How long have you known?" He asked getting up from the bed.

"Since we were nine." Kendall said watching Logan closely.

"You knew since we were kids and you didn't tell me." Logan rounded on him screaming. Outside Carlos finally broke free of James and scrambled towards the door. He managed to open it and dash in before James could entangle him in another wrestling match. The sight that greeted him wasn't good. Logan's face was flushed bright red and he was crying again. "You fucking asshole, why didn't you ever tell me!" She shouted jabbing his finger at Kendall.

"I'm sorry, your mom never told you and I thought maybe she knew what was best for you." Kendall said pleadingly. Carlos walked over and tried to wrap his arms around Logan but the smaller boy brushed him off advancing on Kendall.

"You thought she knew what was best?" Logan asked jabbing him in the chest. "You know me better than anyone else in the world. How many nights did we stay up late talking about what it was like to not have a Dad around? How many times did you tell me it was better to not have one at all then to have one like James? Every one of those nights you could have told me, you should have told me." Logan said walking towards the door. "I deserved to know."

"Logie, wait." Kendall said moving after him.

"Don't, just don't, you knew for nine years that you were my brother and didn't say a damn word to me about it, don't 'Logie' me, Kendall Knight. I don't to talk to you right now." Logan said before walking out the door. Carlos gave Kendall one quick dirty look as he grabbed his helmet from the bed before he went after Logan. Kendall heard the apartment door slam and James come back in the room.

Kendall was standing in the middle of the room staring at the floor with his shoulders slumped. James walked over and wrapped his arms around Kendall's and squeezed tighter as he felt sobs wrack his frame.

"He hates me." Kendall said after he was finally able to speak.

"Shhh, no he doesn't, he's just pissed at you right now. He'll be back." James murmured as he stroked Kendall's back.

A/N: Bet you all didn't see that coming did you? The truth is neither did I. I tried to temper the melodrama with some realism this time I hope it turned out all right. I wanted some good drama to play with that I didn't have to fight to contrive and I think I got it this time. I've already got the next chapter written and if you dawg monkeys wanna read it I want ten reviews at least….I'll settle for five or six cause chapters burn a hole in my harddrive but I'd really like ten.


	13. Mending Fences

The subject of his anger changed rabidly as he got further away from Kendall. He could hear Carlos running behind him to keep up with his long strides but he didn't stop until he got to the elevator. He stepped on and leaned against the wall. Carlos gingerly tried to but his arm around his shoulder but this time Logan didn't shake him off, he leaned into the embrace but found little comfort. Two of the three most important people in his life up until Carlos had been lying to him since he was a child. He could probably go ahead and make that three since if Kendall knew then Momma Knight had to know.

"You didn't know did you?" He asked.

"That Kendall was your brother? No, I didn't know anything until I heard you screaming." Carlos said softly. Logan took a little comfort that he wouldn't have to try and kick Carlos' ass. When the elevator opened Logan walked off and Carlos reluctantly allowed his arm to drop from his shoulders but followed his as he walked out of the hotel and towards the park. Once in the relative seclusion of the wide grassy lawn Logan pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and dialed his mother's number.

"Hey, Logan, what's up?" She answered the phone. Carlos was nearby leaning against a tree watching him.

"Tell me who my father is." Logan snapped ignoring the cheerful greeting. Silence stretched over the line before she finally sighed.

"It sounds like you already know." She said quietly her voice suddenly tired.

"Why did my best friend have to tell me he's my brother?" Logan asked taking deep breaths to avoid squeezing the phone until it shattered.

"Kendall told you?" She asked her voice confused. "I thought it was Miranda."

"No, Kendall has known about it for nine years, you've known about it all my life. Why didn't you tell me?" Logan hissed into the phone.

"I thought it would make things harder on you and Kendall, I had no idea he knew all these years. I thought that if you knew it might hurt your friendship that he might resent you because his dad sleeping with me broke up his parents' marriage." His mother's voice was pleading and Logan sighed, he was angry but she had good enough reasons, he could understand why she didn't tell him but that didn't mean he had to like it.

"I can't imagine what this had been like for Momma Knight." Logan said finally, he hadn't really had time to get mad at her yet and now he didn't think he could. She had looked at him for nine years knowing that he had broken up her marriage and loved him anyway.

"You'll have to ask her about that, but please don't be angry with me, Logan. I did what I thought was best for you boys." It was the second time that day that Logan had heard someone say they did what they thought was best for him. He really wished people would ask him first before they decided what was best for him. He really wished there wasn't something about him that people found so fragile that the felt the need to protect him from the truth.

"I'm not mad at you, Mom." He said after a moment. "Actually I am, but I'll get over it."

"And don't be pissed at your brother either, baby, he was just a kid with a big secret. Imagine what it must have been like knowing all those years that his best friend was really his little brother and keeping his mouth shut about it." It was odd hearing his mother call Kendall his brother. Logan sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. She was right again; if it had been him in the same situation he wouldn't have known what to do about it either.

"Alright, I'm going to go talk to him." Logan said after a moment's thought.

"Are you going to try and find him?" She asked before he could hit the end button.

"Kendall's…our dad?"

"Yes."

"No, he abandoned two sons and rode off into the sunset or whatever; I don't ever want to see him again." Logan said anger rising back into his voice.

"There you go sweetie, he's the one you should be angry at everyone else did what they did because they loved you." She said her voice finally regaining some strength.

"Love you, Mom." Logan said.

"Love you too, Logan." She said before the call ended. Logan stared at the phone for a moment before looking back at the Palmwoods. He really didn't feel like going back to the apartment. He had blown up in Kendall's face and now he was feeling bad about it. He stood by the fact that Kendall could have told him a thousand times and should have told him but he knew why he didn't and he couldn't hate him for that. Either way it meant he should at least apologize for screaming at him when all Kendall was doing was trying to protect him, he just hated admitting he was wrong. Carlos came up behind him and wrapped his arms around his waist squeezing him gently.

"We could always take a walk." He whispered in Logan's ear.

"No, if I know Kendall he feels like shit right now." Logan said shaking his head. "I need to go fix things."

When Miranda and Katy got back to the apartment James was sitting on the couch rubbing Kendall's back. Kendall was lying half in his lap and Miranda instantly caught the sounds of sniffling. She handed the bags in her arms to Katie and nudged her towards the kitchen before going to the couch to sit down beside her son.

"What's wrong, Kendall baby?" She asked rubbing small circles in the small of Kendall's back. After a moment he sat up out of James' lap and wiped the tears from his face before turning to her.

"I told Logan that Dad was his father and he was so mad because I didn't tell him before now." Kendall said, his voice was raw but his tears were drying on his face. "He stormed out of the apartment and I don't know where he went."

"You knew Logan was your brother." Miranda asked staring up at her son her mouth hanging open slightly.

"Yeah, I heard you screaming at Angela on the phone the night Dad came home and saw Logan." Kendall admitted sniffing roughly.

"Kendall honey, you should have told me that you knew. I could have talked it over with Angie. The only reason she didn't want to tell you boys was because she was afraid you would resent Logan." Miranda said reaching up to brush his hair out of his eyes.

"What if he doesn't forgive me?" Kendall asked his bloodshot eyes miserable.

"He'll forgive you, baby, he's just a little upset right now." She said leaning forward to kiss Kendall on the forehead. It had been a long time since she had been allowed to kiss Kendall in front of one of the other guys he must have been really feeling low. He had gone years without really needing her for anything but to clean up his messes. Now she had come in to find him crying twice in a month. People were wrong when they thought a mother's job was done when their children were adults. "Why don't you and James go out and get us some pizza." She said digging around in her purse until she found a fifty.

"What if he comes back while I'm gone?" Kendall asked accepting the bill. "I need to apologize."

"I want to talk to him anyway." She said standing from the couch. "Go wash off your face I want you to take your sister. We can explain everything to her later." Kendall nodded and got off the couch. James watched him as he walked to their bedroom.

"I didn't know Logan was going to scream at him." He said after a moment. "I wouldn't have convinced him to tell him I did." He said guiltily.

"James, it wasn't your fault, you knew to do the right thing, even when the adults around this didn't." She said smiling as she reached over to pat his hand. "Sometimes the right thing blows up in your face anyway." It was the first time that she had really sat and talked to him since he and Kendall started dating. He kind of understood why, if he and Kendall broke up then she'd have to comfort Kendall and it would be a lot easier if she weren't so attached to him too. He understood why but he had still kind of missed her even though he saw her every day.

"Momma K?" He said as she went to stand up from the couch.

"Yes, James?" She asked turning to look at him.

"I do really love him; I don't ever want to hurt him." James said looking up at her earnestly. She smiled, laughed a little, and pressed her hand to her face.

"I know, baby." She said as she walked towards the kitchen. "But sometimes even the right things done with absolute love will still blow up."

When Carlos and Logan got back to the apartment James, Kendall, and Katie had already left. Miranda was sitting alone on the couch. James' Them Weekly was lying open on her lap but she just stared down at it without turning the pages. When Carlos opened the door he stopped in his tracks and looked back at Logan. Logan drew his hand up and kissed his knuckles.

"Go on to the bedroom, I should probably talk to her alone." He whispered quietly.

"I can stay if you need me." Carlos offered squeezing Logan's hand.

"I'll be okay." Carlos nodded and headed down the hall to the bedroom and closed the door behind him. He turned on the radio to give the two in the living room and little extra privacy. He picked up a comic book and tried to read but eventually lay it down. His mind was the same place as his heart.

"Hey, Logan." Miranda said smiling as he walked towards the couch. He didn't say anything for a long time, just sat with his hands cross in front of him staring at the floor.

"How could you do it?" He asked finally looking up at her.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you, I didn't want to go against your mothers wishes. I knew Kendall could never hate you and I was right, but Angie is your mother." Miranda explained levelly as she watched the boy who was almost her son.

"No, I mean how could you look at me all these years knowing I broke up your marriage and still take care of me?" He asked looking up at her. The pained and insecure look in his face made her stomach clench and her heart drop a few inches. She scooted down the couch and put her arm around his shoulders.

"You didn't break up my marriage, Logan, your father did and it was probably about time anyway. I love your mother a lot and it hurt me when I found out that she had betrayed me. When I realized that it hurt worse that she had betrayed me than when he betrayed me I realized who mattered more anyway. I could never feel anything but complete and total love for you because you're Angie's son and Kendall's brother, it doesn't matter who your father is." She said pulling him against her side.

"I really screwed things up today." Logan said sighing. "I'm not surprised Kendall's not here, I bet he doesn't want to see me right now."

"You didn't screw things up either, you were shocked and hurt and you lashed out. Kendall's gone because I sent him for pizza because I wanted to talk to you alone; he's worried you won't forgive him." She said laughing at the irony.

"What is it about me?" Logan asked finally.

"What?" Miranda asked turning to examine his face.

"What is it about me that makes people want to protect me from the truth, am I really that fragile?" Logan asked shaking his head as if the clear away the notion.

"No, it's not because you're fragile, it's because people are fragile. We're like thick glass, we can take a couple of hits but eventually everyone breaks. People haven't kept things from you because they think you aren't strong enough to handle them. They did it because they loved you enough to be afraid you couldn't."

"Thanks, Momma Knight." Logan said after a moment turning to favor her with a weak. Just then the door opened and Logan's head jerked up. Kendall was the first through and he stopped nearly dropping his pizza. Miranda rushed over and took it from his hands.

"James, Katie, come help me sit the table." She said heading towards the kitchen.

"We can't just eat in the living room?" Katie grumbled. She knew something was going on. She wasn't stupid, it didn't matter how much you washed your face she could still tell if people had been crying and she wanted to know what had made Kendall hurt enough to cry if it wasn't James. "It'd save dishes."

"We have a dishwasher, in the kitchen now." James gave Kendall a reassuring look before he disappeared into the kitchen behind Mamma K. Kendall stood in the doorway he was looking at his shoes but Logan knew where his eyes were focused and suddenly all irritation that remained flooded out of him. Kendall Knight, everyone's knight in shining armor, was standing there like a kicked puppy. Logan got up off the couch and walked over towards him. Kendall flinched as if he half expected to get slugged but sighed when Logan wrapped his arms around him.

"You're still not off the hook completely." Logan said after a moment as he pulled away. "You still should have told me."

"I know, I'm sorry, you don't hate me?" Kendall asked staring down at him.

"Don't be stupid, I couldn't hate you when you were just the gangly boy across the street how could I hate you now that you're my brother?" Logan asked rolling his eyes with a smirk.

"Big brother." Kendall amended grinning.

"By like three months." Logan scoffed. "It _so_ doesn't count."

"Three months is still three months, little brother." Kendall said grabbing Logan before he could react to sweep him off the floor in a bone breaking hug.

"You suck so hard." Logan groaned before he burst out laughing.

"Looks like you have some competition, big foot." Katie said glancing up at James as they walked into the living room. James threw his head back laughing hilariously as he walked down the hall to get Carlos for dinner.

"What's so funny?" Katie demanded glaring at the two boys. "What's been going on today!"

James, Carlos, and Miranda all walked into the living room at the same time. James and Carlos stopped at the end of the hallway. Carlos was staring nervously at the short, angry but still dangerous teenage girl. James had his arms crossed on his chest and a smirk on his face waiting for the fireworks. Kendall's expression was frozen on his face but his eyes flicked up to his mother. She shrugged and leaned against the wall by the kitchen ready to take over if Katie decided to go ballistic.

"Logan belongs to Dad, he's your big brother too." Kendall said simply watching his little sisters face. He was torn between diving behind Logan and scooping the smaller boy up to run for cover.

"No." Katie said her face going blank. Kendall wrapped his arm around Logan's waist and hoisted him off the ground making a mad dash for the relative safety of the hallway. At least there Katie would have to get past Carlos and James. "It's not fair there can't be two of them!" She said pointing at the retreating boys. "You have to have another girl." Katie said turning to her mother.

"It's Angie's turn." Miranda said throwing up her hands as she spun around and went back into the kitchen. "Come eat the pizza before the cheese gets cold."

A/N: Well you guys managed six reviews…although I did have to bribe Ginger to get your numbers up tsk tsk tsk. lol. Okay I had to end this chapter on a light note sense the past five thousand or so words have been serious as hell. I hoped I managed to balance the drama with the realism this time, because I really wanted to make this story arc…as short as it is…mind blowing. Review please! My sanity depends on it. The next chapter is already half done and full of surprises, show me the love and I'll show you the chapter.


	14. Suprises

Angela Mitchell stepped into the terminal at LAX and stretched, groaning as her back popped in several places. It had been a long flight and she was tired but happy to be on the ground. She snagged a porter with a buggy as he wondered past. She had lots of luggage, the last time she had been to California had been at Christmas and a lot had happened sense then. So she had shopped for presents for four nearly grown up hockey heads, a precocious tweenaged girl, and her best friend in the world. The end result had been four duffels on top of what she had already packed but it didn't matter, she was going to get to see her baby boy.

She wondered what Logan had been up to since she visited him last. She knew that he was getting used to living in the same house with his best friend turned brother, but she didn't know much else about his life. He called her at least once a week but she could sense that he was hiding something. She had no idea how much until she stopped by a magazine stand. She wasn't sure what caught her eye about the tabloid but she quickly pulled her sun glasses down on her upturned nose as her dark brown eyes flew across the paper page before she pushed her sunglasses up into her curly black hair.

"Well, Logie, you certainly have been a busy boy." She said smirking as she pushed a five across the counter and grabbed the tabloid opening it as she walked away. A picture of her son and a young man that she had thought was just a friend kissing under a large maple tree. The headline read "Big Time Rush's, Big Time Crush." It looked like her visit wasn't the only surprise in store for her son.

Carlos and Logan were sitting at a Chinese restaurant a few blocks from the Palmwoods when Carlos suddenly shivered, shaking his head to clear it of the tingly sensation that had settled between his ears. He reached up and thunked his knuckles on the shiny, black plastic of his helmet to reassure himself it was there.

"That was wicked weird." He murmured before popping another bite of coconut chicken into his mouth.

"What?" Logan asked as he plucked a shrimp from his pile of rice with his chopsticks before depositing it in his mouth precisely.

"I just got this feeling…it's like how a mouse would feel when it suddenly realized the cat was in the kitchen" Carlos said shaking his head as he picked up another piece of gooey chicken with his fingers and dropped it into his mouth.

"I believe the normal person's expression for that is 'someone crossed your grave'." Logan said rolling his eyes with a grin before taking a sip from his steaming cup of tea.

"Whatever it was it was freaky as hell." Carlos said shrugging. "Maybe it was a ghost."

"Carlos how many times do I have to tell you there are no such things as ghosts? I thought Stephanie would have proven that to you." Logan's nose snarled up as he mentioned the girl's name. He didn't even realize he had done it. Carlos took note and decided to try and circumvent any further mention of her. He and Logan had just gone through a really bad rough patch because he thought Stephanie was flirting with Carlos and it had upset him. The whole thing had been quickly overshadowed by the discovery that Logan was actually a Knight but apparently it has still left its mark. Carlos had explained to Stephanie a few days later that he was interested in someone and he didn't want them to think he was going out with her. Stephanie had nodded quickly and apologized for it but he didn't think Logan would be so easy to forget her completely.

"I know, but just because the Palmwoods' ghost turned out to be a hoax doesn't mean they all aren't real." Carlos said shrugging. "I mean they were saying on Ghost Facers the other day that all human thought was made up of eclectical impulses…"

"Electrical impulses." Logan corrected without looking up from his plate.

"Right, so all human thought is made up of electrical impulses and since matter can't be created or destroyed then maybe those electrical impulses live on as ghosts." Carlos had paid careful attention to every word the Facers had said, he usually did anyway, but he thought that the whole thing about electricity would be scientific enough to impress Logan. He was wrong.

"All electrical activity in the human brain ceases within moments of death." He said pushing his plate away the pile of shrimp, rice, and vegetables barely touched. Carlos frowned at him, he had gone through all that trouble and Logan hadn't even noticed.

"Yeah but where do they go when they stop, I mean matter and energy are the same thing right? And since matter can't be destroyed then…."

"Are you done eating?" Logan asked interrupting Carlos' thought process. The other boy tried to regain it but couldn't.

"Yeah, you barely touched your plate, you aren't full are you?" Carlos asked instead.

"I'm not really that hungry, my stomach's off for some reason." Logan said shrugging. He pushed away from the table and threw down and twenty for the meal before heading towards the door. Carlos took a five out of his pocket and dropped it on the table before heading after him.

"There's a Ghost Talker marathon on today. You want to watch it with me?" He asked as he caught up with Logan.

"There's a Guts marathon on too, why don't we watch half and half?" It seemed like a good deal for Carlos. Logan hated watching Ghost Talker with him; he always ended up crying while Logan rolled his eyes and scoffed at the storyline. Carlos wasn't too fond of Guts either, he enjoyed the reluctant romance between the FBI agent and the forensics woman but they spent way too much time talking about nasty stuff for him to enjoy the show. They walked the rest of the way to the Palmwoods in comparative silence. Logan only said enough to show Carlos he was paying attention while Carlos rattled on about several things at once changing directions in the conversation quickly and without pattern. A short distance from the Palmwoods Logan stopped and stared. A short, slender woman with a mane of curly black hair and a pixy nose was climbing out of a cab in front of the hotel.

"Mom?" He called still staring at the woman. She turned and waved smiling brightly.

"Hey, baby boy, I'm glad I caught you two. Help me with my bags." She said gesturing to the pile of luggage in the car's trunk. Logan walked briskly the rest of the way leaving Carlos barely able to keep up, he had stuffed himself with coconut chicken and his stomach protested violently at the sudden increase in speed.

"What did you pack: bricks?" Logan asked as he hefted one of the duffle bags out of the trunk handing it too Carlos.

"No, I brought presents for everyone." She said turning to beep him on the nose with the tip of her red polished nail. "What's up, Carlos?" She asked turning to the other boy her voice loosing its cheerful playfulness. He flinched; if he didn't know better he'd think she knew what he'd been doing to her son.

"Not a lot, Ms. Mitchell." He said uncomfortably as Logan hand him another loaded duffle. Logan lifted the other two out by himself they were slightly lighter. The cabby was loaded down with the luggage actually containing Angela's personal affects. As she walked by she slipped a twenty in his shirt pocket and crooked her finger at him to come along. Logan shook his head and followed along behind them. He was used this his mother being a bit of a flirt, but he still had a hard time reconciling it with the fact that she was the leading surgeon in her field. When they made it to upstairs to the apartment Angela knocked lightly on the door before throwing it open. Miranda was sitting on the couch watching some talk show. She glanced up before bouncing on her feet screaming.

"Oh my god, I can't believe you're back so soon." She said sweeping her friend into a giant hug.

"Well a lot of stuff has happened in a short time. I decided to come check in on things." She said laughing as she squeezed Miranda's shoulder. "I brought presents." Katie came out of her room with a look of vague disinterest easily belied by the fact that her eyes were flickering around for the aforementioned gifts. "Where are the other two?" She asked pouting slightly. "James usually comes bouncing out like a puppy."

"They're in their room; it may take them a while." Miranda said shaking her head. The bedroom door opened and Kendall and James stepped out. Kendall's shirt was half tucked into his jeans and James was swiping at his normally immaculate hair with his lucky comb. Angela smiled indulgently before wrapping them both in a giant hug.

"How's California treating you, rock star?" She asked kissing Kendall on the cheek.

"It's hot and wild, Aunty A." He said kissing her on the cheek.

"What about you, beauty queen?" She asked pinching James cheek.

"Pretty much the same." He said grinning.

"I'll bet." She said smirking. "Alright everyone take a seat and I'll hand out presents." She said clapping her hands. "You can put those down right there." She said barely glancing at the cabby. When the luggage was stacked and the door closed she started handing out the duffle bags. She had done some last minute rearranging in the car but she still knew which ones went where.

"This one is for the tall boys." She said placing bag in front of Kendall and James.

"This one if for the shorties in the house." She said sitting another one down in front of Carlos and Logan.

"And these two are for my girls. Dig in." She said as she sat the last two duffels in front of Miranda and Katie. They each unzipped their bags pulling out brightly wrapped boxes with squashed bows. Among the presents were a new scarf for Miranda, a book on real estate for Katie, a professional stylist kit for James, a new set of hockey pucks for Kendall, an encyclopedia of strange diseases for Logan, and a extra large bottle of helmet wax for Carlos. As Logan and Carlos reached the end of their bag Carlos found a tabloid magazine. He took it out and looked at it before going pale his eyes locked on Logan's mother. The smile she gave him was one few people have ever seen and lived, it was like a great white stumbling on a group of oblivious seals. Logan noticed Carlos rigid body against his about the same time the rest of the group noticed his expression. Logan glanced up at his mother and flinched at the smile before turning to find Carlos pale as a ghost. When he looked down at the magazine clutched in Carlos hand he went white as well. He eased it out of Carlos' stony fingers and flipped it open. There were pictures of Carlos and him sitting under the tree kissing, pictures Carlos arms around him later after he got off the phone with his mother whoever had taken them must have spent the entire day in the park. He handed the magazine to Kendall before he got up from the couch and walked towards his mother.

"Mom, I know you're probably mad, but I didn't want you scaring Carlos….like you are now…with that look. Stop smiling." He said looking down at her. She blinked and looked up at him her smile softening to something much warmer.

"I'm not mad, Logan, I'm just having a little bit of fun with your boyfriend."

"He's not my boyfriend; he's my….he's Carlos." Logan said shaking his head, eventually they were going to have to come up with better names.

"Well if all Carloses kiss like that I may have to find myself one." She said nodding towards the magazine.

"Gustavo is going to go ballistic." Kendall murmured finally. That finally managed to shock Carlos out of his fear induced paralysis, he was moving but he looked no less scared. He was trapped between a large angry man and small frightening woman. His hands went up to clasp his helmet tightly. There was a knock on the door. Miranda got up to answer it while Carlos dove between Kendall and James' back and the couch.

"Hide me." He squeaked and he tried to pull as much of himself from view as possible.

"Thanks, Mom, you broke Carlos." Logan sighed nervously as he turned to wait for the door to open. Gustavo wasn't there but Kelly was. She dashed into the room.

"Alright, I disconnected the internet at the mansion and hid all Gustavo's phones we've got a little while until he finds out about this." She said shaking the tabloid paper in her hand. "We have to figure up a good lie or figure out how to spin this. Who are you?" She asked finally taking notice of Angela.

"I'm Logan's mother, pleased to meet you, Angela Mitchell." Angie said offering her hand. Kelly grasped it shaking quickly without offering her own name.

"We could tell the truth about some of these pictures. Carlos was just giving Logan a hug because he was upset. And the rest we could say Logan had something in his eye." Katie said as she flipped through the magazine. "Wait, the photographer actually managed to get one from the side with your lips touching." She said dropping the magazine on the coffee table. "Well, I'm out of ideas."

"What the point of lying?" Angela asked shrugging her shoulders. "Prop 8 just got overturned in California."

"Mom, I'm not making Carlos marry me just because the tabloid got a hold of pictures of us." Logan snapped pinching the bridge of his nose. Carlos poked his head between Kendall and James arms.

"Yeah, I was kind of hoping to tell my parents I was dating a guy before I got married and they started asking me why I didn't get married in a catholic church." He said grimacing.

"Now you say we're dating." Logan said turning towards the couch. Carlos' head quickly disappeared back behind his friends.

"That's not what I meant, I mean gay will be the big button issue right now, you two could come out as Hollywood's next 'it' couple." Angela said before walking over to fish Carlos out of the couch. "Come on out, Carlitos, I promise not to eat you. I mean come on you're kind of already out you might as well make the most of it." She said as she drug Carlos over to stand beside Logan. "Don't they make an adorable couple?"

"We think so, but some people don't think adorable couples should have two men." Miranda said rubbing her temples. She had been afraid something like this would happen and she had tried to instill the utmost discretion in the boys but she understood everything that had happened that day and didn't blame Carlos for comforting Logan in public.

"Screw them and the right wing nutjob they crawled out of." Angela said flippantly. Miranda worried sometimes that being elbow deep in people's body cavities most days hadn't affected Angie's grasp of reality.

"Are these pictures too good to be photoshopped?" Kelly asked examining the magazine. "They could be photoshopped, right?"

"Do we get an opinion in all this?" Logan asked tapping his foot against the floor slightly. "I mean it is our lives and for once I'd like to get a say in my own life." Angela, Miranda, and Kendall suddenly found very interesting spots in the apartment floor as his eyes flickered over them. "Because personally I would like to be able to hold hands with and kiss my boyfriend in public without having to keep a look out for cameras."

"That does sound pretty cool." Carlos said wrapping his arms around Logan. "It would keep girls from flirting with me too." Logan nodded emphatically.

"But it's your band too, Kendall, you and James have an opinion too." Logan said glancing at his brother.

"I agree with you, it'd be nice to be able to be together in public." James said shrugging his shoulders.

"I'm the reason we're all out here," Kendall said gripping James hand. "I don't know if we would have all ended up together in Minnesota or not, but we're together now and I don't want Hollywood tearing us apart. If you guys come out we come out. The first album did pretty good, we can get by for a while…then we can all live off James." James looked confused for a moment before grinning at him.

"I'm going to lose my job." Kelly whimpered.

"You can always come back to Minnesota with us." Carlos offered helpfully.

"Gustavo would miss me too much if I moved away." Kelly said sighing. "But that doesn't mean he won't fire me for hiding this from him."

"Do they sell this magazine back home?" Carlos asked, suddenly picking up the magazine.

"I think so." Angela said taking it from him and looking over it, they all looked alike to her but she was pretty sure she'd seen the name at the hospital gift shop. "Why?" Carlos jumped as his cell phone vibrated before blaring a snippet of music.

"It's my dad." He said pulling his cell phone from his pocket. It was Logan's turn to blanch. Carlos opened the phone and held it up to his ear bracing for his father to start shouting.

"Hola, Papi." Carlos said when his father didn't say anything.

"Mijo, if you were going to date a boy why couldn't it have been the pretty one?" Manuel Garcia demanded.

"Papi, Logan _is_ pretty." Carlos whispered into the phone.

"What about grandchildren, Carlitos?" Manuel said exasperatedly. "I wanted grandchildren."

"We can adopt, we can even adopt poor babies from Mexico. Logan's going to be a doctor, he'll make good money" Carlos said reasonably.

"What kind of life is that for a man, Carlos? Your mother would have wanted more for you than to be a doctor's wife." Carlos clenched his teeth; it was a low blow bringing his mother into the conversation.

"Mama thought I was going to be a girl, the only name she had picked out for me was Carlotta, she would have been proud for me to be a doctor's wife." Carlos grinned as he heard his father sigh.

"I wanted you to grow up to be a good man."

"I am a good man, Papi, and so is Logan. He's a really good man, Papi, and he loves me. Can't you be happy for me?" Carlos said pleading. He loved his father but things were going to get sticky enough without him adding to the problems.

"Is he good in bed?" Manuel asked after a moment.

"Papi!" Carlos moaned clamping his hand over his face.

"A good wife is also good in the bedroom."

"Yes, Papi, he does things you wouldn't believe because he knows all that medical stuff, now can we drop the subject?" Carlos whispered as he noticed Logan blushing.

"Yes, I've got to go tell the guys on the force that my son, the big singing star, is going to be a doctor's wife." Manuel said sighing. "Love you, mijo."

"I love you too, Papi." His father hung up the phone and Carlos closed his sliding it back into his pocket. "James you should really call your grandmother before you come out. At least one of our parents should get to hear it from us." Carlos said as he walked over and hugged Logan burying his head in the taller boy's shoulder.

"Was he mad?" Logan asked rubbing Carlos' back.

"No, he wasn't screaming anyway, he just doesn't think his son should be a doctor's wife." Carlos said grinning as Logan threw his head back laughing.

"I wanted to tell Mamaw in person." James said staring down at his cell phone.

"You could always wait to come out until you had a chance to fly back to Minnesota." Logan suggested helpfully. He knew that James was really close with his grandmother, he also knew she was a deacon at the Methodist Church back home. He just hoped she was opened minded.

"No, if Kendall and I wait too long it'll look like a publicity stunt." James said shaking his head, I'll have to call her and hope for the best. He said standing to walk towards his bedroom.

"Do you want me to come with you?" Kendall asked rising from the couch.

"No, I'll be okay." James said walking slowly towards the bedroom. Kendall watched him go helplessly.

"Well this has snowballed into a shitstorm." Kendall said flopping back on the couch hiding his face in his hands. "I mean what the hell is so bad about two guys loving each other?" He demanded tossing his hands into his lap with an exasperated sigh.

"I think it's the two guys rolling around together in bed that bothers most people." Katie said shrugging without looking up from her book. She wasn't really reading but the tension in the room was thick and she couldn't stand to see the strained looks on everyone's face. A heavy knock that shook the door interrupted Kendall's reply. The gathering in the living room all stopped their eyes sliding towards the door. No one offered to get up and get the door.

"I know you're in there, there's an ax behind glass down the hall, it will open the door if you don't." Gustavo shouted pounding on the door again. Carlos stepped between Logan and the door and stood defiant…well he would have been defiant if he weren't shaking so hard. He was pretty sure the large, angry man could squash him like a bug. Angela shook her head and went over to open the door. Gustavo tried to March into the apartment but found his way barred by a small woman with her red lacquered lips twisted into a snarl.

"Who are you?" He asked stopping to look down at her.

"Logan's mother, if you start screaming and upset my babies I will climb your ass like a tree and dig your eyes out with these." She said holding up one hand of inch long nails.

"Duly noted." Gustavo said nodding his head quickly. She stepped away and let him come into the apartment before closing the door behind him.

"Dawgs, I found a couple of very interesting pictures in my Coastal Inquirer today." Gustavo said keeping his voice dead level. "After I found my Coastal Inquirer in the fireplace half burnt." He said glancing over at Kelly. She looked away quickly smoothing the line of her lipstick. "Would someone like to tell me why I had to find out that Logan and Carlos are gay from a tabloid magazine?"

"I'm actually not gay." Carlos said raising his finger.

"You, kissing him, magazine, everyone knows AHHHHHHH." Gustavo shouted rounding on Carlos. Angela was instantly between them, one hand on the side of Gustavo's face, her thumbnail within striking distance of his eye, her great white smile stretching her face. Gustavo blinked down at the small, frightening woman before taking a step back.

"Because we knew you would go ballistic and start screaming at everyone." Kendall said rising from the couch to stand beside Angela. "And we were right."

"Okay, is there anything else I should know?" Gustavo asked crossing his arms over his chest. Kendall mimicked his posture and gave him a thoughtful look.

"Well let's see, Logan's mom here slept with my Dad and got pregnant, so Logan's actually my little brother…oh and me and James have been going out since a few weeks before Logan and Carlos." He said grinning as Gustavo's face lost all expression.

"All four of you hockey heads are gay." He said after a moment of stunned silence. "I didn't even know they made gay people in Minnesota." Gustavo groaned walking away to pace. "I have the first all gay boy band in history."

"Not gay." Carlos piped up over Angela's shoulder.

"Got caught kissing a boy in the middle of a park." Gustavo turned jabbing his finger at the short, dark boy. "I'm not even sure I know the difference so you better believe your fans won't."

"So what, the boys are dating it doesn't change the way they sing." Kelly said attempting to regain points with her boss…boyfriend…person…thing.

"No, it doesn't change the way they sing, but it takes them from the next big thing to a novelty act. 'Who wants to come watch the faggot band perform?'." Gustavo said rolling his eyes.

"Hey!" Kendall, Carlos, and Logan shouted at the same time. Miranda didn't say a word; she hadn't said a word in a long time. She simply stood up crossed the floor and smacked Gustavo across the face. The blow gave a resounding noise. Kendall blinked in surprise, he'd seen his mother go badass a few times before but he's never seen her hit anyone. Everyone else just stared at her in awe.

"You listen to me." She said leveling her finger at his nose. "If I ever hear you call any of my boys that filthy, disgusting name again and I'll do worse than claw out your eyes." Gustavo stared down at her silently as blood filled his face in the shape of a handprint. "We packed up and left our home to come out here, these boys saved your career and put you back on the top, you will treat them with respect and courtesy or we will back our bags and go back to Minnesota and you can stay here and wallow in your own filth."

"Agreed." Gustavo said nodding his head slowly. Miranda dropped her hand and returned to her chair where Katie dove on top of her with a hug. "Have you discussed what we're going to do about this?" He asked turning back towards the guys.

"We're coming out, we're not going to try and hide anything. If the fans don't like it they don't have to buy our music." Kendall said crossing his arms across his chest.

"If that's the way you want to play it we're going to have to do more than not hide anything." Gustavo said shaking his head. "If you want it to be out in the open then we'll have to cram it down their throats."

"What will that do?" Carlos asked.

"It proves that you have nothing to hide and you're not ashamed, because this is going to put you dawgs in the hot seat for a while. The tabloids will be digging up as much crap on you as they can. So I'm going to ask again, does anyone of you have anything to hide?" Kendall opened his mouth to say no but suddenly the colour drained out of his face. If the tabloids started digging into James past they might find out about his father or even worse they might find out about the rape and he hadn't told anyone about it but Kendall.

"What, what's wrong?" Gustavo asked quickly zeroing in on Kendall.

A/N: Yar I'm just evil enough to leave a cliff hanger because this chapter is hella long and I've had a long day. We're gearing up for the end game boys and girls there isn't much of this story left to tell but don't worry I feel another one coming on who likes Kendall/Carlos? As always read and review it makes my day brighter and my coat shinier.


	15. Secrets

Strict Advisory: This chapter contains no graphic depictions of child abuse or rape. But it does involve a frank discussion of the aftermath. I stand by what I have written as disturbed as I am because I feel it's a realistic depiction of what some teens in America go through every day but if you believe you will be bothered by it please skip the second part of the chapter I don't want to upset anyone unduly, I just want to make those still small voices heard.

James sat on his and Kendall's bed staring down at his cell phone. He had already brought out his address book and had flipped down to his grandmother's number. A picture of her in her Sunday best came up on the screen. She was small and weathered her bright blue eyes and pale pink lips wreathed in wrinkles deepened by her broad smile. Her hair was glossy, cotton white and lay on her forehead in fluffy curls. The picture was taken the day James graduated, all the boys had gone home to graduate with the rest of their class having accumulated enough credits at the Palmwoods school. James had been in the picture too but he cropped himself out. Finally with a sight he hit the call button and held the phone to his ear. It rang a few times before he heard the click of his grandmother's old fashioned landline followed by her fragile voice.

"Hello?" He smiled at the sound; he had heard that same gentle voice threaten to skin his and Carlos' hide for breaking a vase during a dog pile.

"Hey, Mamaw." James said feeling his throat tighten around the words.

"Jamie, how are you, baby?" She asked and he could hear the smile in her voice.

"I'm really happy, Mamaw, happier than I have been in a long time." James said the words barely squeezing around the lump in his throat. He really loved the old woman on the other end of the line; she was the only person besides Carlos, Logan, Kendall and his family who had ever loved him. He was afraid that when he told her that love would suddenly try up like a puddle in the summer sun.

"You don't sound so happy, Jamie, are you sick?" She asked her voice warmed and concerned.

"No, I'm not sick; I have something to tell you."

"I saw it in the paper, you know I always go out and buy those rags to see if they're any pictures of you, I saw Logan and the little Mexican boy kissing." James had to keep himself from chuckling, Carlos had been to his house a hundred times but his grandmother still couldn't remember his name. She wasn't being racist; she actually liked Carlos despite his destructive nature.

"What do you think?" James asked hesitantly.

"What they're doing is between them and god, it's not my place to judge." James had hoped she would say something similar. It was really the best case scenario. He knew she wouldn't be one hundred percent supportive because she had read the bible, understood, and believed every word it said.

"That's actually not what I called to tell you about, Mamaw." James said and suddenly his voice disappeared. He could feel the tears welling up in his eyes and the fear welling up in his heart and he just couldn't make the words come out. All the woman heard was a soft sob in the phone.

"Whatever it is, Jamie, you can tell me, I love you." She whispered, she had known for a while that James might be gay. Once she had managed to get him away from his father and taken care of the boy had rebounded quickly going from a dirty little thing to a perfectly dapper little man. When Kendall Knight has shown up she was pretty sure, she had never seen any emotion in James as strong as the love in his eyes when he looked at that boy.

"Mamaw, Kendall and I have been going out for a couple of months. I really love him." James finally managed to speak his voice was raw and ragged.

"I know baby." She said sighing. "I saw it when you were back here at home, I never saw any kind of love burn like that."

"I'm sorry." James said scrubbing at his eyes.

"What're you sorry for?" She asked her voice gaining strength. "I know you aren't some brazen slut, Jamie, if you're with that boy it's because you love him with all your heart and it says in John 4:8 'Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love'. If you really love that green eyed scamp then the Lord will find some way around it."

"You're not mad?" James asked sniffling as he wiped tears from his face with the blanket.

"What right have I got to be mad? It's your heart boy; you can give it to whoever you want. Is he good to you?" She asked finally.

"Yeah, I really think he loves me, he's so sweet to me." James said smiling.

"Does he know…" James knew what she was talking about; his grandmother and Kendall were the only ones who knew what had happened to him. It was the beating after the rape that had finally sent him to the hospital. The state granted custody to his grandmother and the doctors told her what they had found. She had let him tell her in his own time and when he did she had patted him on the back of the hand and said "victims don't sin, Jamie, and rapists rot in hell."

"Yeah, I told him, he didn't care and he hasn't pushed me to do anything I'm not comfortable with." James said and heard her necklaces rattle as she nodded her head.

"So why did you decide to tell me?" She asked curiosity finally getting the better of her.

"Now that everyone knows about Logan and Carlos Kendall and I are going to come out too so that it's all in the open and we can be together without hiding. I wanted to tell you before you saw it on the TV or something."

"Well, I thank you for that; it'll give me a chance to threaten Minister Harkness. It'll all be okay, Jamie." She said.

"I love you, Mamaw."

"I love you too, Jamie, now dry your eyes and go tell that Knight boy that if he hurts you I'll wear his hide for boots."

"I will, bye." James said chuckling.

"Bye, baby."

**Author's Warning: Last chance to skip to the next chapter, things get really painful after this.**

When James came out of the bedroom everyone was staring at him including Gustavo. He had thought he heard the large man bellow but he couldn't be sure because he had expected more shouting than he heard. Something on Kendall's face told him that they weren't just waiting to see how things had gone with his grandmother. There was something deep and sorrowful in his gaze and it made James want to turn around and go back into the bedroom.

"What's going on?" He asked when the combined weight of their eyes grew too much for him. Kendall crossed the living room and wrapped his arms around him tilting his head up so he could whisper in his ear.

"Gustavo said that we need to do a media blitz to show we have nothing to hide when we all come out." Kendall whispered into his ear.

"That sounds like a good idea, why are we whispering." He asked tipping his head down.

"The tabloids are going to do all they can to dig up whatever dirt they can find on us." Kendall replied his green eyes worried. James nodded but he still didn't understand.

"They might find your medical records, Jamie, they might find out about your Dad and what happened." Kendall said squeezing James as the last words left his mouth. James felt the core of his being slowly freeze solid. He had spent six years hiding what that man had done to him and now he might have to tell the world. The guy had never gone to jail because James' didn't know his name and Budd wouldn't give it up. He was still out there and now everyone was going to know he raped him.

"Do they know?" James asked his voice shaking.

"No, baby, I wouldn't tell them your secret, but they know you have something to hide." Kendall said shaking his head. "I couldn't hide it, but if you don't want to tell them…"

"I didn't want anyone to know, but now everyone is." Kendall didn't like the fine tremor that was setting up in James body. It didn't feel like anger or pain it felt like fear. "What if he tries to come find me?" He whimpered his head dropping onto Kendall's shoulder. Kendall felt James go limp before his legs dropped out from under him and managed to sweep the taller boy off the floor. He stumbled over the couch and sat down cradling James' trembling body against him. Everyone in the room was watching their eyes filled with concern when Kendall glanced up at them they looked away quickly burnt by the fire blazing in his eyes.

"If he comes after you I will kill him." Kendall whispered in James' ear. "I will break his neck with my own hands. He's never going to touch you again." He promised. After a moment James made a small noise. "What?" He asked gently pressing his ear against James's lips to catch the barely audible whisper.

"Tell them, I can't do it, I can't see it on their faces, don't make me do it, please?" James voice was small and quiet, the words running together into one panicked chain.

"Are you sure, we don't have to tell them if you don't want to." Kendall asked rubbing James' back.

"They need to know." He said finally. Kendall nodded and looked up at the rest of the room. Their eyes were carefully averted.

"He was raped when he was fourteen." He said, he suddenly understood why James' couldn't stand to see the looks of horror and pity that crossed their face. Only Carlos' face expressed a different emotion, his face twisted into a scowl of the blackest rage it almost rivaled Kendall's own.

"Is he in jail?" He asked his fingers twisting into fists as he pressed his palms into his jeans.

"No." Kendall said shaking his head awed by the short boy's devotion.

"Is he dead?" Carlos asked.

"No."

"Who the fuck is he?" Carlos bounded up off the couch. "I'll call my dad, he can go get the bastard and put him under the jail."

"James didn't know his name; he was one of Budd's drinking buddies. I don't know if there's anything your Dad can do about it now." Kendall said shaking his head bitterly. It made him sick that someone could do something like that to a kid and get away with it. Angela came over and crouched by the couch running her fingers gently through James' sandy hair. She leaned close and whispered to him.

"Did they do a rape kit?" She asked her fingers still trickling comfortingly through his hair.

"I don't know." James whispered his eyes squeezing tight.

"Did they take your clothes and swab you?" She asked gently.

"Yes." James said shivering.

"Had you showered?" She asked, she hated torturing the boy, but she had to know. If the hospital did a rape kit and found DNA then it was still on file, all they had to do was find the bastard and he was as good as gone.

"No, Budd came in right after it happened and started hitting me. The neighbors called the cops and they took me away. I didn't have time to pull up my pants; Carlos' dad had to do it for me." Kendall had been listening and his head shot up as he heard. Angela met his eyes over James' head her brows creased. Manuel Garcia had been one of the policemen that responded to take James to the hospital; he had known the entire time that James had been raped.

"Did he…" Angela couldn't bring herself to ask the question.

"He went inside me." James said barely nodding as another tremble wracked his body. Angela rubbed the back of his neck and leaned forward to kiss him on the temple.

"We'll find out his name, James, and he'll go away for a long, long time." She whispered before kissing him again. "I promise." She rose from her crouch and walked over to her bags fishing around in her purse until she found her cell phone before disappearing into the kitchen.

"Kelly and I are going to go and do a press release on Carlos and Logan," Gustavo said moving towards the door. "Kendall, call Kelly when you two are ready and we'll start booking appearances." Gustavo said his voice the softest it had ever been since Kendall had known him. If he hadn't known better he would have thought he saw a tear in the corner of his eye. Kendall nodded as Kelly followed Gustavo and shut the door behind her. Miranda looked at James for a moment before she got up and walked over to the couch. She knelt down and leaned in close against his side.

"I love you, James, don't forget that." She said before dropping a quick kiss on the top of his head before walking towards the kitchen. Katie's face was white and drawn and tears flowed openly from her eyes as she stood up and followed her mother. It left only the boys on the couch. Carlos got up and helped Kendall stand taking James' weight for a moment. It was a considerable testament that the small boy could hold James up even for the moment it took Kendall to stand. Kendall carried James to his room and Carlos and Logan followed.

When James had first moved in with his grandmother the other boys had flocked to him. They had been going to school with him for years but he had always lived in a part of town their parents didn't want them going and Budd wouldn't let him spend the night at anyone's house, he probably knew James wouldn't come back. When he had moved in with his grandmother it put James in the same neighborhood and the old woman was willing to do whatever it took to help her daughter's boy through what had happened so she welcomed his friends to her house with open arms. The first night they had all slept over in sleeping bags up in attic James had woken screaming before withdrawing into a ball. The other boys didn't know what to do or what was going on so they dragged their sleeping bags close to him and wrapped around his like a blanket until finally he stopped shaking and went to sleep. When his grandmother went to wake them in the morning she had found Kendall Knight's lanky form wrapped around James, his blonde head burrowed into his back. The other two boys were cuddled up against James on the other side, she had turned and left a small smile on her face, for the life of her it looked like a pile of puppies asleep in a basket.

Carlos and Logan knew what to do. Logan opened the door as they reached Kendall and James's bedroom and followed Kendall as he walked through. Kendall walked over to the bed and crawled up on it on his knees and deposited James in the middle of the double bed before crawling in behind him and wrapping his arms around his boyfriend. Carlos lay down in front of James and stroked his hair, Logan crawled in behind Carlos and lay with his head on the other boy's side singing the songs they had grown up with until finally James fell asleep and uncurled from his ball. Kendall smiled his thanks over James gently rising side but Carlos had already fallen asleep two. He shrugged at Logan before lying down himself. Logan curled in against Carlos' back and soon enough all four were sleeping soundly.

When Miranda walked into the kitchen Angela was already on the phone her voice quiet. Katie wrapped her arms around her mother's waist and buried her face into her side finally allowing the sobs to come out. She hadn't wanted James to hear her crying for him, she was afraid it would make him feel worse so she had held it in. Miranda was startled for a moment, Katie hadn't cried in a very long time and she wasn't exactly the most affectionate child. Finally she dropped her arm over Katie's back and squeezed the girl against her side. Sometimes it was too easy to forget the Katie was still a child and even easier to remember that she loved her surrogate brothers as deeply as she loved Kendall and Logan.

"I don't care about manpower, Manuel, that boy is scared to death this monster will find out he told and come out to California after him and I can't leave right now too much stuff is going on and Miranda needs my help. You're the sergeant now, I want you to get out there with your boys and find this bastard so we can nail him to the wall." Angela hissed into the phone. "I can't believe your could have seen that boy lying there beaten and bloody with his pants around his ankles and not wanted to do something about it."

"You have no idea what I wanted to do, Angela." He barked back at her loudly enough that Miranda could hear him. "Do you know what that kid was wearing when I tugged his underwear back up to cover him? He was wearing fucking Spiderman skivvies because Budd was too damn cheap to buy him anything else. Do you know what it was liked to take those fucking underwear into evidence with blood all over the back? I wanted to beat Budd until he told me the guys name; instead I got one good punch in before my partner dragged me off of him. He got six months for child abuse and I got sensitivity training." He said sighing bitterly. "But we're short staffed right now and I don't know if the chief will give me the manpower to reopen a six year old rape case." Miranda didn't hear the rest of the conversation but she covered her mouth when I tear trickled down the Angela's cheek. She had never seen her best friend cry.

"You tell Chief Anders that if he doesn't give you the men I will come down to that precinct and take back the heart valve I gave him last fall." Angela snapped swiping at the tear with her hand. "I want to tell that boy in there that the man who did this to him is dead but I'm settle for telling him he's been locked away."

"I'll do what I can, if I tell Anders it's a direct order from Doctor Mitchell he might just do what you want." Manuel said sighing.

"You better, don't let me down, Manny, don't let James down." Angela said before snapping her phone shut. She lay the phone down on the counter and pressed her hands against her face. After a few minutes she looked up and her mascara was seeping down her face in black rivulets. Miranda was standing watching her, Katie pressed against her side. Angela crossed the kitchen and Miranda held out her free arm. Angela wrapped her arms around her best friend and her daughter and squeezed them both tight as more tears came out of her eyes. There was a regret there that all the adults around James felt keenly. None of them had known to save James and all they could do now was offer him some sense of justice for what he'd been through, but each of them still wished fervently that they had taken him into their homes before ha had been broken.

A/N: Okay, I'm just a little startled at all of this because I wasn't planning on details. I wasn't planning any of this, it just happens and I write it and I'm just a little freaked out right now. I'm going to put an advisory at the top of this page before I post it. Read and Review, stay along for the ride.


	16. Picking up the Pieces

James woke slowly the next day. For some reason he felt particularly warm and happy but something niggled at the back of his mind like he was forgetting something. He shook his head the chase away the nagging feeling and squeezed Kendall. His eyes popped open as he realized the body he was clutching was much smaller than he was accustomed to. He blinked several times before the warm brown skin and close cropped hair told him that for some strange reason he was sleeping next to Carlos. He carefully unwrapped from himself and sat up to find Logan asleep on the other side of Carlos. He had just managed to make it to the foot of the bed to crawl out when Kendall came out of the bathroom. He couldn't help but laugh at the confused look on James' face as he motioned towards the door. James followed him into the bathroom closing the door behind him.

"You had a bit of a rough night last night." Kendall said shaking his head. "They decided to stay in our room to make you feel better, like we used to when we were kids." Kendall said hopping up to sit on the bathroom sink. The day before had been slowly trickling back to James the entire time he was awake until finally he sat down on the edge of the bathroom and covered his face with his hands.

"Well there goes six years of hard work." He said sighing as he swept his bangs back from his forehead.

"What do you mean?" Kendall asked staring down at him ponderously.

"I'm not going to be James Diamond the Face anymore. I'm going to be James Diamond that poor little thing." James said chuckling bitterly.

"No one's going to think of you any different just because they know the truth." Kendall said shaking his head reassuringly. "You can still be the Face."

"Oh yeah?" James asked rolling his eyes. "When did Logan and Carlos ever climb into bed with the Face?"

"They would have if they ever thought he needed them." Kendall said sliding off the counter to open the door. James stood and followed him through the bedroom and into the living room. Angela was passed out on the couch so they headed to the kitchen. A single coffee cup in the sink showed that only Katie had been awake so far. Kendall opened the fridge and poured himself a glass of orange juice before hopping up into one of the stools. James pulled a cola out of the fridge and climbed up beside him.

"I'm just glad to see you're okay." Kendall said nudging his boyfriend with his shoulder.

"I'm not going to break down and turn into some shattered little boy just because the secret's out." James said shrugging.

"It would be okay if you did for a little while." Kendall said arching his eyebrows. "No one would think any less of you."

"I would, I'm not some powder-puff damn it." James said straightening his spine.

"Just because you go to pieces a little bit doesn't mean you're a powder-puff." Kendall sighed as he finished his orange juice.

"Do you want me to have a break down just so you and the guys can fix me?" James asked narrowing his eyes at the blond boy.

"No, I'm glad you're handling it, but I don't understand how you're handling it. I don't think the rest of us are taking it as well as you are."

"If I can survive it you guys can cope." James said his lips twisting into a facsimile of a smile.

"I know, just have patience with us." Kendall said glancing over his shoulder. A pair of arms wrapped around James' waist from behind before he could turn to look. He twisted to find a head of long brown hair pressed against his back.

"Good morning, Katie." He said with a surprised as she released him to go around the counter and refill her coffee cup.

"Morning." She said instantly withdrawing behind her familiar shell of amused arrogance. Katie left with her coffee and James looked at Kendall incredulously. Kendall barely shrugged in response. A little while later Miranda came in to start breakfast. She pulled the eggs and sausage from the fridge and put a frying pan on the burner before turning to examine James face. He smiled at her brightly. Instead of returning his smile her face creased in concern.

"I'm going to go take a shower." Kendall said standing from his stool he kissed James on the cheek before padding out of the kitchen. James sat at the counter, he didn't want to go back to the room where Carlos and Logan were still asleep, he didn't want to go in the living room where Angela was asleep, and since Carlos and Logan were in their room he couldn't go climb in the shower with Kendall even if he had wanted to. Miranda still hadn't spoken but here eyes brushed over James face fairly often.

"I'm okay, Mamma Knight, I promise." He said finally. She stopped stirring the eggs and turned to examine him.

"I noticed." She said quietly.

"I know you all expected me to be out of it for a few days but I just don't go in for the whole nervous breakdown thing." He said tapping his fingers against the tile of the countertop. "I don't know if it's healthy to pick myself up and keep going but it's what I've always done. We don't have time for me to go to pieces." Miranda opened her mouth to comment when she was interrupted by a scream.

"Oh god, my eyes!" James turned and hopped down from the stool to run into the living room Miranda close behind him. Angela was sitting on the couch blinking rapidly the blankets clutched to her chest. A few seconds later Carlos came out of James and Kendall's room grinning.

"What the hell just happened?" James asked rubbing his forehead.

"Logan forgot where he went to sleep." Carlos said grinning even more widely as he spoke. "He got up to go pee and caught Kendall in the shower."

"You didn't see the need to remind him where he was?" James asked rolling his eyes.

"Nope." Carlos said grinning mischievously.

"They've seen each other naked before." Miranda said shaking her head. "What's the big deal now?"

"That was before he knew Kendall was his brother." Angela said flopping back onto the couch. "That boy is fine seeing perfect strangers naked, but if it's a family member he freaks out." Kendall stumbled up behind Carlos clutching a towel around his waist blinking the soap out of his eyes.

"Why did Logan just run screaming out of the bathroom, and what's burning?" He asked peering blearily at the trickle of smoke coming out of the kitchen.

"Shit! My eggs." Miranda hissed whirling to go back in the kitchen.

"Logan's just being Logan." James said crossing the floor. He grabbed the front of Carlos shirt and pulled him out of his bedroom. "You go take care of the squirrel. You get in the shower and rinse off." He said pushing at Kendall's chest. Carlos walked down the hall and went into his own bedroom as Kendall grinned and turned back towards the shower dropping his towel halfway across the room. James leaned against the door and smirked as he took in the sight of his boyfriend naked, dripping wet, and covered in suds. It was tempting to follow him into the bathroom but he didn't. Instead he turned back into the living room closing the door behind him.

"You don't have to behave on my account." Angela said grinning at him as he sat down on the other end of the couch.

"I know…I'm just not…."

"Ready." Angela said finishing his sentence for him.

"It's stupid, I keep telling myself that nothing's changed, but I had some dreams last night that I haven't had in a few years." He said shrugging.

"I think that's completely understandable." Angela said tapping his knee with her blanket covered toes.

"I just don't want everyone to treat me differently just because they know."

"Do what you have to do." Angela said shrugging.

"The eggs are cremated." Miranda said as she came out and flopped down in the chair. "Does anyone object to going out for breakfast?" She asked pushing her bangs back out of her face.

"That sounds like a good idea to me." James said nodding.

"It'll be my treat, what's open?" Angela asked pushing herself into a sitting position.

"Fung's serves breakfast." James said playing with a hole in his jeans.

"I've never heard of a Chinese place doing breakfast." Angela said one eyebrow arching into her sleep mussed hair.

"It's Carlos' doing." Miranda said laughing. "I think he's already put a couple of their kids through college since we've been here."

"I can imagine." Angela said combing her fingers through her hair with a smile on her face. "I don't know how you've been able to afford to feed all four of them for two years. Logan and Carlos alone could eat someone out of house and home."

"James and Kendall kind of make up the difference, they eat like birds." Miranda said grinning at James.

"I do not; I just stop eating when my belly starts to stick out." He said grimacing at her. "Kendall's the one that fills up on salad half the time."

"I like tomatoes." Kendall said as he came out of the bedroom. He was wearing a t-shirt and jeans his hair was still wet and his feet were bare. He sat down on the couch beside James dropping his arm around the taller boy's shoulders. Carlos came out of his room a few minutes later.

"Kendall, you better go talk to him." He said as he dropped to the floor between the couch and the chair his back leaning against Miranda's knee.

"What is he freaking out about now?" Kendall groaned as he stood from the couch and headed down the hall. Carlos didn't respond instead his smile broadened. They heard a door open down the hall and Kendall call out Logan's name before another door opened.

"What the hell!" Logan shouted. "Get out!"

"Carlos!" Carlos flew to his feet and ran towards the door closing it behind him just as Kendall tore down the hall. "Where'd that little monkey go?" He said skidding to a stop in the living room. James, Miranda, and Angela pointed towards the front door. He ran over and pulled it open before slamming it shut as he tore off down the hall. The trio in the living room burst into laughter. A while later Logan came out of the bedroom fully dressed with his hair dried and jelled. He flopped down on the couch next to James.

"I think I like Carlos." Angela said grinning as she got off the couch and headed towards Miranda and Katie's bedroom. "He's got a sense of humour."

"He's insane." Logan said pouting. "I mean really, what was the point in sending Kendall in the bathroom while I was in the shower?"

"Carlos has an amazing sense of balance." Miranda said shaking her head as the front door opened. Kendall stepped through dragging Carlos behind him in a headlock.

"I caught him, what do you think we should do with him." He asked Logan as he tightened his grip on the still struggling helmet.

"Naked tickle fight?" Carlos suggested yelping as Kendall knocked on his helmet with his free hand. Miranda sighed before heaved herself from her chair and headed towards the kitchen.

"When did you turn into such a deviant?" Kendall groaned as he dragged Carlos across the room to the couch. He released the smaller boy's neck and kicked him in the rear propelling him onto the cushion beside Logan. Carlos didn't offer any excuse as he wrapped his arms around Logan's shoulders a wicked smirk on his face.

"Probably about the same time his voice got deeper." James said standing from the couch. "He just didn't start expressing it indiscriminately until Logan made him notice guys." James walked towards the bedroom. "Blame your brother." He said as he closed the door behind him.

"Now that everyone has been reminded what each other looks naked will you stop pulling pranks?" Logan asked nudging Carlos in the ribs with his elbow.

"Hey I still haven't seen James." Carlos protested.

"I will pop your head off and use it as a puck." Kendall said darkly glaring at Carlos. Carlos grinned at him but made no motion to get off the couch.

"I wouldn't go peek at him right now anyway, it just doesn't seem right." Carlos said after a moment of thought his grin wilting away.

"He doesn't anyone to treat him any differently." Kendall said shaking his head.

"He's not acting any differently either." Logan said his brows arching low over his eyes. "I'm not entirely sure it's healthy."

"Probably not, but I don't want to force him to deal with anything he's not ready for, if he says he's okay then I'm not going to push him." Kendall sighed leaning back against the couch.

"What if there's a trial though?" Logan asked snagging Carlos hand as his fingers began to fidget nervously.

"I hadn't even thought about that." Kendall moaned rubbing his temples. "If there's a trial we'll all have to go home and everyone in town will know." Angela came down the hall dressed in a pair of tight jeans, a red blouse, and high heeled sandals. Her hair was perfectly coifed, her makeup applied with precision, and her toenails matched her finger nails.

"You're bleeding less than I expected." She said tweaking Carlos' nose as she squeezed by to sit on the other side of Logan. Carlos grinned up at her but instantly replaced the expression with a look of contrition as Logan and Kendall both glared at him. "You boys need to lighten up." She said smirking. "I used to know these sisters; they shared everything, including boyfriends." Kendall and Logan looked at each other for a moment before bursting into laughter.

"James is way too high maintenance for my taste." Logan said when he finally managed to catch his breath.

"And Carlos is short and insane." Kendall said chuckling.

"I am not short…" Carlos protested his bottom lip hanging out.

"He's fun sized." Logan said kissing Carlos before he realized what he had said. He blushed as Kendall and Angela both burst into a fresh gale of laughter. Carlos stomach gurgled loudly causing him to press a hand against the offending organ.

"I'm hungry."

"We'll go out to eat when James gets out of the shower." Kendall said affection replacing his pique at the small ravenous boy. There was no point staying angry with him, Carlos would never learn his lesson because he honestly didn't realize it was inappropriate to arrange little surprises like he had that morning. He just knew it was funny. Miranda came out of the kitchen wiping her hands on a dish rag.

"That pan is going to be soaking for a month." She sighed as she took her chair. "Katie, we're going out for breakfast." She called. Katie came out of the hall and sat down on the arm of Miranda's chair. Finally James came out of the bathroom. He had obviously used the styling kit Angela bought him and he strutted into the middle of the room. The amassed family applauded Kendall adding a wolf whistle to the mix as Carlos howled enthusiastically. James grinned and bowed gracefully. Carlos popped up off the couch and began prancing anxiously when the display had quieted down.

"Can we eat now?" He said his eyes going wide and pleading.

"Let's go feed famine gut before he starts chewing on the furniture." James said laughing as Carlos bounced and headed towards the door.

"How're we all going to fit in the car?" Angela asked standing to wrap her arm around Logan's waist.

"Fung's is just down the street." He replied as they headed towards the door. Kendall trotted to catch up with James and Carlos his fingers finding James'. Angela watched her son's face as he watched Carlos fidget by the elevator door and smiled. She remembered that first true love, it was deep you could hardly breath and so wonderful you didn't care. She squeezed Logan's shoulders and kissed him on the cheek before releasing him. He sidled over towards Carlos and took his hand and the change was automatic. It was as if a sense of peace suddenly came over the short, dark boy. He stopped fidgeting and the frantic hungry look disappeared from his face. He smiled up and Logan his thumb tracing small circles in the skin on the back of his hand. Angela's fingers went up to play with the ring that hung from the chain around her neck a soft, sad smile on her face.

The walk to the restaurant was pleasant. Kendall and James dropped hands as they stepped of the elevator in the lobby, they wanted to come out on their own terms, but they walked side by side their shoulders almost touching. Logan kept his grip on Carlos' hand. Carlos was too preoccupied with the thought of food to notice the curious stares that followed them through the lobby but Logan wasn't. He saw several heads turn their direction and eyes focus on their interwoven fingers. Some of them smiled, some of them didn't, but by far Stephanie King's expression was the most precious as far as Logan was concerned. Her eyes lit on them, found their hands together, and narrowed. Logan was pretty sure he saw her jaw clench. Logan couldn't help but draw Carlos' hand up to his lips to drop a tiny kiss on each knuckle his eyes never leaving the young director's. Angela watched the entire display with a small smirk, he was definitely her son.

When they got to the restaurant Logan dropped Carlos' hand. He was half afraid his shoulder would be ripped from its socket as Carlos lunged for the buffet leaving Logan to order his drink. The owner took their orders with a wide smile and didn't seem to mind pulling two tables together at all. By the time everyone else was back with their plates Carlos was sitting at the table waiting impatiently to dig into his pile of food. As soon as Logan sat down beside him he grabbed a piece of pearly white chicken from the top of the plate and popped it into his mouth groaning pleasantly. Logan smiled as he unwrapped his chopsticks. Everyone was eating quietly when Angela's cell phone rang. She excused herself from the table and walked to the back of the restaurant near the restrooms to answer the call.

"Hello?" She asked as she pushed the button.

"I think we found him, Angie." Manuel Garcia said skipping the pleasantries. He didn't sound terribly happy.

"Did you arrest him yet?" She asked impatiently.

"No need, the guy's been dead for two years." Manuel said with a sigh. "When I get off the phone I'm going to text you the guy's mug shot so James can ID him for sure but I think it's a pretty safe bet that he's our man."

"How did he die?" Angela asked, her tone spoke the words that she hadn't 'I hope it was painful.'

"He was in prison for assaulting three women over the course of a year and a half. Apparently he had been bragging to his cellmate that he preferred women but he'd take what he could get, made the other guy nervous so he shanked him." Manuel said grinning darkly. "I'm sure the prison doctors did what they could."

"I honestly don't care." Angela said shaking her head. "I'm going to hang up now so you can send me the mug shot, cross your fingers."

"And pray." Manuel said before he hit end. A few seconds after Angela ended the call the cell beeped again and a picture flashed across the screen. The face looked familiar and she stared at it for a while before she suddenly remembered where she had seen it before. She and Miranda had gone to high school with this man and she could remember patching up after a bar fight when she first started at the hospital. If she had had any idea what we would have spent the rest of his life doing she would have took a scalpel to his throat that day. She walked over to the table without closing the desk message and knelt between James and Kendall.

"Manuel thinks he may have found him." She said holding the phone in front of James. "He sent this mug shot so we could be sure." James eyes fell on the phone and he didn't need to answer, the colour drained out of his face as he looked at the screen on the phone. Kendall reached beneath the table took his hand squeezing it tightly.

"Did they arrest him?" Kendall asked staring at the face trying to memorize the features that had brought pain into their happy little family.

"No, sweetie, he's been dead for a while." Angela said shaking her head.

"He's dead?" James asked his voice strong and cold. Angela nodded before closing the phone. "I hope he rots." James said before he took a bite of his meal. Everyone stared at him their meals forgotten. James noticed no one else was eating after a while.

"He's dead, he can't hurt me or anyone else anymore, I want to move on with my life and forget he ever existed. Now eat your damn Chinese." He said quietly before taking a sharp bite out of his eggroll. Kendall leaned over and kissed him on the cheek before returning to his meal. His appetite was gone but he knew it was important to James that everything go back to normal so he did his best. From the looks of it the only person at the table besides James that was still eating with any exuberance was Carlos whose appetite was bullet proof. As James finished his plate he pushed it away and rubbed at the small bulge that had replaced his normally flat stomach.

"Are you ready for a blitz?" He asked glancing over at Kendall with a grin.

"You're ready to call Gustavo?" Kendall asked arching his eyebrows. "Are you sure about this?"

"What about you two?" James asked glancing down the table and Carlos and Logan.

"As read as I'll ever be." Logan said shrugging.

"Let's turn the world upside down." Carlos said grinning.

"Keep your fingers crossed." Kendall said as he pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and began dialing Kelly's number.

"And pray." Angela said as she handed the owner her credit card.


	17. Blitz

The blitz started on Ellen. The talk show host had jumped at the opportunity to host the announcement of the first all gay boy-band in history. Carlos had already ceded the point that Logan was his boyfriend and that they were dating but he still protested that people were calling him gay. Kelly had smoothed over the matter by promising him at least five minutes to explain his sexuality if he promised not to use the word junk. All four boys stood back stage anxiously. Logan was so nervous that he was bent double drawing air through his nose trying not to throw up. Carlos was less worried, the only person he had feared finding out was his father and with Manuel's grudging acceptance he was ready for anything. Kendall and James weren't freaking out as badly as Logan but they weren't as calm as Carlos either. They had decided not to mention anything about James' past unless someone else brought it up. Their orders from Gustavo was to appear hopelessly in love and adorable.

"I'm sure you've all heard their hits on the radio, help me welcome Carlos Garcia, Logan Mitchell, Kendall Knight, and James Diamond the boys of Big Time Rush!" Ellen called to the audience. The stage manager motioned for them to go out onstage. They were supposed to run out like enthusiastic teenage boys but Logan knew if he ran anywhere it would be to the bathroom to throw up. Carlos ended up grasping his hand to drag him out on stage. They took their seats beside the bubbly blonde host. "Well you guys got a bit of notoriety recently when some photos of Carlos and Logan surfaced in the tabloids." Ellen said as the picture of Carlos and Logan flashed on the screen behind her head. "Don't they make a cute little couple?" She said grinning as the audience erupted in a roar of awe's and squealing girls. "But I understand you have some more news for everyone, where would you like to start?"

"Well everyone's seen the pictures of Carlos and Logan in the park." Kendall began, focusing on Ellen, it wasn't the first time they'd been on television and it was the second time they'd been on her show but he was still nervous. It was so much easier to pretend he was talking to her and ignore the audience.

"And we wanted to make sure everyone know that we're dating." Carlos said chiming in he reached over and took Logan's hand smiling at the half queasy look on his face. "It's not just some phase or fling, we're exclusive and I really love him." He waited to for Logan to say something but the other boy simply turned greener. "Logie's a bit nervous about being on television again." Carlos explained his face going blank as the audience cooed again.

"What no one knows is that James and I have been dating longer than Carlos and Logan….we just didn't get caught." Kendall said quickly running half his words together. The audience had already had time to think about Logan and Carlos but the news about Kendall and James was fresh and they sat silenced. Kendall expected to hear a cricket chirp.

"So tell me how you two got together." Ellen said to break the silence. "We'll start with Kendall and James."

"I've been in love with Kendall forever," James said without hesitation. "But I never knew how he felt and I was afraid if I told him he wouldn't want to be around me anymore." Gustavo had coached them on their stories. He wanted them to come off as sympathetic as possible, which meant excluding all mention of anything sexual and playing up how difficult it was to grow up as a gay teenager. "Finally one night I had a really bad nightmare."

"He was whimpering in his sleep so I woke him up." Kendall took up the story.

"You guys shared a room?" Ellen asked.

"Well yeah, the apartment we live in has three bedrooms and there's six of us. So Kendall and I share a room, Logan and Carlos share a room, and Mamma Knight and Katie share a room." James explained as the camera panned to the audience to capture Miranda and Katie in the front row. "We were roommates long before we ever started dating."  
"That couldn't have been easy, sharing a room with someone you loved but weren't with." Ellen said her expression empathetic.

"No, but it was nice just being close to him and getting to see him first thing in the morning." James said smiling.

"James was having a nightmare." Ellen said prompting Kendall.

"Right, he was having a nightmare so I woke him up. It wasn't the first time he had had the nightmare so he finally came clean and told me how he felt." Kendall said still focusing on Ellen.

"How did you feel?" Ellen asked resting her chin on her fist.

"Well James has always been a good friend and I loved him, but I hadn't even really thought about being with him or any guy." Kendall said shrugging his shoulders with a smile. "But I was kind of surprised that I felt the same way and had never taken the time to stop and think about it."

"So you guys just started dating?" Ellen asked?

"No, it wasn't that easy." James said sighing. "Kendall was afraid if we started dating and broke up that it would mean the end of our friendship and the end of the band so I had to wait for him to make his decision."

"What changed your mind?"

"I had a long talk with my mom." Kendall said glancing away from Ellen to Miranda. "She told me that whatever I wanted to do she would support me. I decided that giving James a chance, giving myself a chance to be with him and be happy was more important than anything else."

"It must be really awesome to have a supportive family."

"It is," James nodded enthusiastically. "I mean we've been living out here together for two years so we're like one big family and everyone was okay with it when Kendall told them. Although Logan and Carlos did pick on us a little bit." He said grinning as he glanced over at Carlos and the still verdant Logan.

"Well that's ironic." Ellen said smiling. "What made you guys decide to get together?"

"Well we'd been sharing a room for two years." Carlos began. "And it was really funny because I'm kind of messy and Logan's such a neat freak. But when you spend all your time in a room with someone it's kind of hard not to start noticing the cute things they do." He said smirking at Logan. Logan was finally calm enough to take notice he looked up and grimaced at Carlos.

"Or all the things they do just to drive you crazy." Logan said still staring at him. "But despite the fact that he's a dirty little monkey Carlos has always been really sweet, even when he's being a pain, he cares more about the people he loves than anything else." He said finally smiling.

"So who made the first move here?" Ellen asked leaning forward in her chair.

"That would be Carlos." Logan said blushing.

"I had kind of noticed some things and I was pretty sure that Logan liked me and I had liked him for a while so I finally confronted him about it." Carlos said laughing.

"What happened?" Ellen asked her face was genuinely curious.

"Logan thought I was mad and wanted to beat him up. He ended up running around the room jumping over the beds before he finally locked himself in the bathroom." Carlos said still laughing. "When I finally managed to get him to let me in he went off on me because I knew the whole time and didn't say anything."

"I can imagine that would have been a little frustrating." Ellen said grinning. "So in some of these pictures you look a little upset, Logan, do you mind if I ask what was going on when they were taken?" Logan stared at her for a moment. He had been trying to figure out a descent segue into a conversation about him and Kendall and she had just handed him one on a silver platter. He honestly hadn't expected anyone to notice that he had been crying in the pictures.

"Um, in the ones where he was hugging me I had just found out that Kendall and my Mom were hiding something important from me." He said blushing again.

"Really, can you tell us what that was?" Ellen asked.

"Yeah… sure, Kendall and I are half brothers." Logan said nodding his head. "We have the same dad." There was a collective gasp from the audience and Logan was pretty sure he heard the beep of cell phones texting.

"How long did you know that Logan was your brother?" Ellen asked her gaze going to Kendall.

"Since we were eleven." He said throwing up his hands as a random voice in the audience booed him. "Logan's mother never told him because she was afraid I would get mad at him, and I never told him because I was afraid she would get mad at me." He explained quickly. "I wanted to tell him a lot but I didn't want to tell him before his mother did."

"So why did you finally decide to tell him?"

"James found out and told me that Logan needed to know and he was right." Kendall said with an apologetic smile.

"I was upset at first but I knew everyone only did it because they loved me." Logan said smiling at Kendall.

"Well it sounds like you boy's have been really busy lately." Ellen said laughing. "Romances and family secrets, I'm glad you guys came here to share your lives with us. Does anyone have any questions for the boys?" Logan blanched as half the hands in the audience went up. Ellen jumped out of her chair and grabbed a mic off the table and headed into the audience.

"Isn't it kind of odd for four friends to all be gay?" A woman with curly blond hair asked as Ellen hung the microphone out t her.

"I'm not gay." Carlos said quickly, he had completely forgotten to tell his side of the story. "I've always liked girls and I still like girls, but there was something about Logan that was special."

"And it was kind of odd for four hockey players to go from Minnesota to singing in a boy band." Kendall added answering the woman's question. "We've kind of gotten used to expecting the unexpected."

"It doesn't seem very realistic for a straight guy to suddenly fall in love with his gay roommate." A short woman with a cross around her neck said as the microphone passed to her.

"Doesn't the fact that it happened mean that it's more realistic than you think?" Logan asked frowning at the woman.

"I think more people would fall in love people they wouldn't expect if they opened up their mind to the possibility." Carlos said squeezing Logan's hand. "I think people are way too caught up on labels anyway. I mean what if you think all your life that you like guys and suddenly one day you find the perfect person for you and she makes you really happy. Are you going to not be with that person just because she's a girl and you think you're supposed to like guys?" Carlos asked his eyes focused on the woman. She sat down without replying. Ellen had uncomfortable expression on her face as she moved away from the woman. She went up and few rows and handed the microphone to a young black woman who was smiling brightly.

"James, what was the nightmare about, why did it make you finally decide to tell him?" She asked. James blinked at her for a few moments. The dream had been about Budd.

"I dreamt that someone broke into the apartment and hurt Kendall." He said after a moment, he could tell the truth without mentioning his father. "I had had the dream a couple of times and I was really freaked out, I kept thinking that I couldn't take chances on losing him just because I didn't tell him how I felt." The woman sat back down still smiling as Ellen walked over and handed the microphone to a young woman with spiked blond hair.

"Are you worried that people knowing you're gay will affect your band?" She asked.

"We kind of were at first but we're hoping that if people really enjoy our music then that won't change just because they know we're together." Kendall said his brows meeting in a serious expression.

"Besides we couldn't keep hiding the way we feel about each other just because we're afraid people will stop buying our music." Carlos said his face equally sober. "Since I couldn't tell anyone I was committed to Logan girls kept hitting on me and it was driving him crazy." Logan had been half listening nodding his head until he heard 'committed' then his head snapped up and his eyes flashed on Carlos. It was the first time he had ever heard him use that word.

"So Logan's the jealous type." The girl said before Ellen could take the mic back.

"I'm not jealous; I just didn't like girls flirting with Carlos right in front of me when I couldn't even flirt with him in public." Logan explained quickly. Gustavo would kill him if he ended up being portrayed as a possessive jerk in the press. The next audience member was a teenage girl she bounced happily as Ellen moved towards her.

"You said you noticed cute things about Logan, what were they?" She nearly shouted as she got the microphone. Carlos sat and thought for a moment.

"The way his eyebrows go together when he's studying so that he kind of looks like Bert. The way he bites his lip when there's a problem he can't figure out or he's really interested in what's on the TV. The way he always jumps up to pick up our clothes…." Logan's eyes bulged and he jumped to put his hand over Carlos mouth before turning to the audience with a wide eyed look.

"Pick up his clothes and put them in the hamper." He finished his hand still clasped tightly over Carlos mouth. The audience burst into laughter. Ellen held the microphone back up to her own mouth and smiled at the camera and then at the band.

"Well I'd like to thank you again for coming to talk to us but that's all the time we have today." Logan stood from his chair and nearly ran to get off the stage and into the quiet darkness behind the stage. Carlos, Kendall, and James walked more slowly and waved to the audience before disappearing behind the curtain.

"Oh my god that was close." Logan wheezed glaring up at Carlos. "Gustavo would have lost it."

"Well at least you managed to act cute after you stopped turning green." Carlos said ignoring the baleful look in Logan's eyes as he kissed him on the nose. Kelly came down the hallway with a broad smile on her face.

"You guys did great….but for a minute there I was afraid Logan was going to come off the stage and go after that one woman." She said crossing her eyes into a pantomime of rage. "Um, we should be good for a week on that one, the news shows will take sound bites and clips from the interview then people will be begging us for interviews." Kelly said looking down at her clipboard.

"Does that mean we get to go home now?" Logan asked mouthing please.

"Yes, it does." Kelly said looking up with a smile. They all filed out of the studio into the limo waving at the crowd of people that had managed to amass by the back door. Kendall was relieved to see that the sea of faces was all smiling. James had already joined Miranda, Katie, and Kendall in the limo when they heard the sound of shattering glass and Logan, Carlos, and Kelly all rushed into the limo the door slamming behind them before they could even sit down.

"What happened?" Kendall asked when he hit the window button to find it had been locked.

"That crazy bitch with the cross threw a bottle at us!" Logan said shakily, the hem of his pants leg was wet and sparkled with broken glass. Kelly was already on the phone with Gustavo. Kendall had gone into brooding silence his eyes staring out the window. Everyone was pretty quiet on the way back to the Palmwoods. When the limo stopped to let them out Freight Train was waiting on the sidewalk. He followed them through the lobby and into the elevator.

"This is a new door." Carlos said stopping in front of their apartment door. "Our door had a dent right here from when I forgot my keys." He said his fingers brushing the smooth paint of the door. "And the 'J' was crooked." Kendall would have let it go if he hadn't seen Kelly quickly glance down at her clipboard.

"Kelly, what happened to our door?" He asked his voice low and hard. "Don't lie."

"Someone carved something on it while you were gone." She said still looking down at the clipboard. "I had Buddha Bob replace it before you got back, I didn't think you would notice."

"What did they write?" Logan asked swallowing thickly.

"Faggot." Kelly whispered brushing her hair out of her face. Kendall stared at the new door as blood filled his face.

"I don't know what's worse." He said shaking his head. "That someone like this knows where we live or that someone we've lived with for all this time could hate us enough to do it." He said as he fumbled for his keys, finally he drew them from his pocket and unlocked the door. Everyone was a little shell shocked especially when Freight Train took up his post by the door before they closed it.

"Is this what our lives are going to be like from now on?" Miranda asked as she flopped into her chair. "People throwing bottles, carving hate into the door, and security guards?"

"It'll die down eventually." Kelly said reassuringly as she sat down on the couch nearest Miranda stretching to pat the red head's leg.

"What if someone gets hurt before it does?" She asked fire catching in her eyes. "That bottle could have just as easily hit Logan or Carlos as the concrete."  
"We're hiring more security; you will all be under 24 hour protection." Kelly said soothingly tapping her clipboard as if it held all the answers of the universe.

"I don't want more fucking security, I want our lives back!" Miranda shouted catapulting out of her chair.

"Mom, it's okay." Kendall said rushing to grab her. "We knew things would be bad when we came out, we can take it."

"We knew that people might stop buying your records, we knew that people in the crowd might say things, I have no idea that people would try to hurt you boys." She said shaking her head before burying her face in her hands.

"No one is trying to hurt us, one nutty Christian threw a bottle at Logan and some dumbass took a screwdriver to our door. We'll be fine." Kendall said wrapping his arms around her.

"Just promise me you won't do anything stupid like trying to ditch Freight Train do go to party." She said tapping on his chest.

"We're not kids anymore, Mom." He said scoffing.

"James and Carlos got into another chicken nugget fight last Thursday." She said shaking her head.

"Okay, Logan and I aren't children anymore." He said laughing.

A/N: I completely forgot to add a note to the last chapter I was so relieved to get it done that I went ahead and posted it. It sucks hardcore trying to write through a block. I know that this chapter is mostly recap but I had to do an interview with Ellen, I love her so much. Anyway don't worry I don't do character death. Keep reading and reviewing we're in the home stretch.

p.s. Almost forgot there's a new poll on my profile I really want you guys' opinion on, swing by and check it out please.


	18. Hate Mail

Logan was the first to get hate mail. He was sitting cross legged in the middle of the bed with his notebook balanced on his lap. Carlos was stretched out beside him humming the opening bars to a song they'd been rehearsing tapping the rhythm out on his stomach. Suddenly the laptop made a cheerful dinging noise. Logan minimized the window he was in and pulled up the email before dropping the laptop on Carlos stomach to roll back laughing helplessly. Carlos grunted at the sudden weight and warmth of the laptop on his stomach. He drug the laptop up to his chest so he could read whatever had tickled Logan.

"Carlos was a good Catholic boy until you corrupted him with your unnatural wiles. You should be ashamed of yourself Logan Mitchell, molesting a poor retarded boy with such a beautiful singing voice." Carlos read before glancing over at the still giggling Logan.

"How did my grandmother get your email address?" Carlos asked grinning. Logan began a fresh wave of laughter clutching at his stomach. Carlos closed the laptop and laid it on the floor a few feet from the bed. Logan's shirt had rode up his stomach and Carlos pressed his hand into the soft skin of his belly grinning as Logan stopped laughing and covered Carlos' hand with his own.

"Suppose we should tell her that you're the horny little monkey that stole my virginity?" Logan asked smiling as Carlos' hand stroked across his skin lighting fires all across his stomach and lower.

"I didn't take anything that you didn't offer." Carlos mumbled before leaning down to kiss Logan his hand smoothing up under his shirt.

"We really should tell General Kendall that the first hate mail arrived." Logan said smiling up at Carlos.

"Would he flip if it took us an hour or two?" Carlos asked flicking his thumb across Logan's nipple. Logan bit his lips and writhed under the caress.

"Probably." Logan sighed as Carlos hand skimmed back down his stomach and into the waistband of his briefs.

"Do you care?" Carlos asked grinning as Logan's eyebrows met and his eyes fluttered closed.

"No…not in the least." A knock on the door interrupted Logan's stammered reply.

"Ignore it, they'll go away." Carlos smirked as he slid his hand lower brushing the silken flesh of Logan's jewels.

"No, I won't. You can play with Logan's joystick later; you promised you'd play halo with me." James called through the door. Carlos sighed but didn't remove his hand from Logan's underwear.

"You have a boyfriend, go away and play with him." Carlos growled at the door. Logan bit back a moan, Carlos still hadn't stopped and there was no way in hell he was going to make any noise with James standing a couple yards away.

"My boyfriend's standing right here listening to you molest his kid brother." James replied grinning. Logan's eyes bugged out of his head but it was too late he couldn't fight down the rising tide. He grabbed a pillow and crammed it over his face as shivers spread though his body. There was a muffled yelp and Carlos grinned as warm, wet heat splashed onto his fingers.

"I'll be right out; I need to wash my hands." Carlos said as he slid off the bed. Logan merely groaned as he threw the pillow off his head.

"Logan?" Kendall's voice was hesitant and jagged with barely suppressed laughter.

"Yes?" Logan asked jumping as he shifted and his underwear slid over sensitive anatomy.

"Want to play chess by the pool?" Sophomore year the last member of Chess Club that wasn't Logan graduated so Kendall had made a deal with him. If Logan taught him to play chess Kendall would play chess with him once a week. They had both nearly lost their minds during the process but Kendall eventually turned out to be a fairly decent chess player and genuinely enjoyed the game. They had played whenever they found a quiet moment that wasn't taken up by studying until they came to California then the games had dropped away. Logan was surprised when he realized how much he missed the weekly games.

"Sure, I'll meet you down there." Logan said covering his eyes with his hand. He heard two sets of footsteps going away from the door. Carlos came out of the bathroom grinning.

"That was so not funny; you know most guys would stop when they found out their boyfriends brother was standing outside the door." He snapped lobbing the pillow at his head.

"What? You were almost done." Carlos said ducking the pillow. "If I had stopped you would have just got in the shower and turned the water on cold."

"At least I wouldn't have came with Kendall standing there listening." Logan groaned rolling onto his knees to crawl out of the bed. "Now I have to go play chess with him and I can't even look him in the eye."

"Princess, we heard James pop Kendall's cherry why are you suddenly so freaked out about noises?" Carlos asked his face genuinely perplexed.

"I had almost forgotten that thanks, monkey." Logan said as he headed towards the bedroom brushing past Carlos. Carlos reached back and caught Logan's hand pulling him back until they were face to face. Logan was becoming more aware of the cooling liquid in his underwear but he stopped and looked down at Carlos.

"I don't get your hang ups with your brother." Carlos said stretching up to kiss Logan on the nose. "I don't get a lot of people's hang ups over anything."

"You could go down on me in front of Kendall and not feel the least bit ashamed couldn't you?" Logan asked rolling his eyes.

"I could do more than that." Carlos said grinning as he stretched up to kiss Logan on the lips quickly.

"You are one kinky little freak." Logan said blushing.

"You have no idea," Carlos said heading towards the bedroom door. Logan had his hand on the bathroom door when he stopped.

"You think about me and Kendall doing things together don't you?" He said a shudder snaking down his spine.

"Do you really want me to answer that question?" Carlos asked grinning at Logan's back.

"No…never." Logan finally decided before he stepped into the bathroom.

By the time Logan got to the pool Kendall had already set up the chess board and was waiting patiently. He already sat the board up with black facing him. Logan sighed spun the board around. Kendall had always taken the 'big bother' thing to heart and it was even worse now that Logan knew, but despite Kendall's proficiency at chess Logan didn't need any favors but Kendall did.

"He only does stuff like that to get to you." Kendall said as he watched Logan move his pawn.

"I know, I think he just likes needling people because he gets bored easily he probably figured it would creep you out as much as it embarrassed me." Logan said shrugging as Kendall skipped his Knight to the forefront.

"Nope, I already told him it didn't bother me." Kendall said shaking his head.

"Seriously?" Logan asked staring up at his brother.

"I'm not one of those overprotective brothers that gets squicked if their younger siblings get laid." Kendall said shrugging. "I know you give just as good as you get and Carlos isn't going to do anything to hurt you."

"Yeah but actually hearing it must be weird." Logan said advancing another one of his pawns. Kendall looked up at him and grinned, he knew when Logan was fishing for information.

"Not really," Kendall said shrugging.

"That is so freaking weird." Logan said shaking his head as he moved his pawn within striking distance of Kendall's knight. "You know I think Carlos fantasizes about us…together, he's way too kinky for his own good."

"I know, I think James does the same thing sometimes too." Kendall said grinning as he moved another one of his pawns. "You wouldn't consider at threesome if Carlos had a hot brother?"

"Hell no." Logan said shuddering. "There are incest laws for a reason."

"Yeah, to cut down on mutant inbred babies." Kendall said blinking as Logan captured his knight.

"I don't like where this conversation is going," Logan said without taking his eyes off the board.

"Really? Cause I just won five bucks." Kendall said bursting into a fit of laughter that nearly upset the table.

"What?" Logan said glaring at him.

"James bet me I wouldn't mess with you about some brotherly bonding." Kendall said arching his eyebrows. Logan glared at him.

"That's just wrong." Logan said frowning. "Do me favor, if he bets you that you won't kiss me or grab my ass or something just tell me and I'll give you the money, it'll save me a broken hand and you a black eye." Kendall started laughing again; he stopped when his phone buzzed. He pulled it out of his pocket; it showed he had a new email in his inbox. He opened the email and frowned. "What is it?" Logan asked glancing up from the board.

"Someone sent me an email." Kendall said still frowning down at his phone.

"What does it say?" Logan asked the chess game forgotten.

"Did you nail your brother before you told him, faggot?" Kendall said looking up from the phone. His jaw was clenched but Logan could see the shine of suppressed tears in his eyes. Kendall joked but he wouldn't even do anything to Logan because he took being a brother seriously even if they were only half brothers.

"Ignore them, Ken, they don't know what they're talking about." Logan said reaching across the board to take the phone from him. He jotted down the number where the message had come from and slid the phone in his pocket. They finished the game but Logan's heart really wasn't in it, Kendall was barely paying attention and it was far too easy to beat him. On the way back to the apartment Logan wrapped his arm around Kendall's waist to try to comfort him but the taller boy moved away.

"Not right now, we don't want more people talking." Kendall muttered as they got on the elevator. He and Logan had never been incredibly touchy feely but they had always put their arms over each other's shoulder and stuff like that.

"So what, now _we're_ not allowed to touch each other in public. I thought we just fixed this problem." Logan said as elevator door slid shut.

"That was with me and James and you and Carlos if people are going to start talking about me and you doing stuff together than we shouldn't touch in public. People can handle gay pretty well, but they can't handle brother's crawling into each other's beds." Kendall said sighing.

"But we aren't!" Logan snapped defensively.

"People believe what they want to believe and if some trashy rag picks up on the rumor then it could really hurt us." Kendall said shaking his head a little too violently.

"God, I wish Mom was still here." Logan said covering his face with his hands.

"I don't' think she could help."

"Kendall, there are three people in the world that I hug: you, Carlos, and my mom. Carlos always ends up groping me, my mom is in Minnesota doing surgery, and you won't touch me because suddenly people think we're perverts."

"I'll hug you when we get back to the apartment." Kendall said rolling his eyes. Usually Logan was almost as sane as he was but for the past few months he had been acting a little bit more like Carlos. It was actually kind of nice, he had loosened up and stopped hiding behind his brain but his new emotional nature took some getting used to. Right then Kendall was kind of missing borg Logan.

"Forget it." Logan said sliding through the elevator doors when they opened wide enough for him to fit through

"Logan, I'm sorry. Where are you going? This isn't even our floor!" Kendall called after him but Logan was already gone. He wasn't in the apartment when Kendall got there either. James and Carlos were still sitting on the couch playing Halo. Kendall flopped down beside James and laid his head on his shoulder. He realized Logan wasn't the only one who had changed; maybe it wasn't Carlos that had made him stop acting like a robot maybe being in love with someone made you naturally more willing to open up.

"What's wrong, babe?" James asked distractedly as he tried to track Carlos' character across the screen with his sniper rifle.

"Someone sent me an email asking me if I fucked Logan before I told him I was his brother." Kendall said groaning. "And then Logan decided he needed a hug and I wouldn't hug him in front of people and he got upset and got off the elevator. I blame Carlos."

"What did I do?" Carlos asked wincing as his character went down with a headshot.

"If you could give Logan a hug without grabbing his ass then he wouldn't have to depend on me for comfort hugs." Kendall said his head still buried in James' shoulder.

"Dude, if you weren't too uptight to hug your brother in public he wouldn't be pissed at you." Carlos said putting the controller down on the table.

"I'm not too uptight, Logan knows I don't care to hug him, but I don't want rumor spreading that we're having sex." Kendall grunted glaring past James shoulder at Carlos. "You owe me five dollars by the way." He said nudging James with his head.

"You actually went through with it?" James crowed before frowning. "Then you got that email that must have been awkward. But weren't you the one that said we couldn't live our lives being afraid of what people think?" He asked finally leaning back to wrap his arm around Kendall's shoulders.

"Whose side are you on?" Kendall asked grimacing as he jabbed James in the ribs with his finger.

"Yours, you know that and I know you love Logan, Logan knows you love him, anyone who's ever seen the two of you together can tell that you love each other and the people that matter know you're not fooling around with him. Why should you stop hugging him in public just because one person mouthed off?"

"Because there are already people that hate us I don't want anyone else getting pissed at us." Kendall said sighing.

"Maybe, Momma K's right, maybe we should go home." Carlos said frowning. Miranda had been upset ever since the day of the interview when someone carved 'faggot' into their door. She had talked several times about going back to Minnesota for a while to let things cool off.

"We can't go home now." Kendall said sitting up quickly. "James still isn't an actor yet and we're in the middle of an album."

"We don't have to go home for good, but it might be nice to get out of Hollywood for a while." James said shrugging. "I mean we're all under a lot of stress and now we're getting hate mail on top of it." The door open and Logan came in flopping down on the couch beside Carlos without speaking.

"Logan, I'm sorry." Kendall said quickly.

"It's alright; I'm not completely pissed at you. I'm just upset that we have to do all this stupid crap just. I mean just because there's a few disturbed people in the world that think we're having sex, or should have sex," he said glaring momentarily at Carlos and James, "doesn't mean we should have to stop acting like family in public."

"How do you feel about going home?" Kendall asked leaning back against the couch.

"Really?" Logan asked, it was answer enough his voice was bright and excited.

"I guess so." Kendall said shrugging his shoulders. "Gustavo's not going to push the album until everything's calmed down and Kelly said that after what happened last time we're not going back on television for awhile. I really don't want to deal with this stuff either."

"Are you going to call Gustavo and tell him?" Carlos asked his voice sounded a little high. Kendall smirked, he didn't really relish the thought of telling Gustavo that they wanted to go home for a month or two either but he didn't really scream as much since Miranda had slapped him and Angela threatened to take his eyes out.

"We probably need to talk to Mom first." Kendall said nodding. "But yeah I'll call Kelly and have her make the arrangements."

"I'm going to go call Mamaw." James said jumping from the couch. Kendall groaned and flopped over on his side.

"I should really call Papi too." Carlos said rubbing Logan's knee before he got off the couch and headed towards their room. Logan went pale and slumped against the couch.

"She's going to kill me with a knitting needle." Kendall said craning his neck to look up at his brother.

"His father has a night stick and a gun." Logan stammered staring off into space.

"Good point, at least I've never been on top with James." Kendall said laughing as Logan's eyes bulged out of his head. He sat up on the couch and scooted beside Logan to wrap his arms around the smaller boy's shoulders.

"I'm going to die!" Logan shouted wrapping his arms around Kendall and burying his head into his side. Kendall burst into a fresh fit of laughter as he rubbed Logan's back.

A/N: So yeah, I'm sending the boys home for a while to cool off. I'm planning on two more chapters but I don't know I may like Big Time Rush in Minnesota and extend the storyline a bit. I hope you guys are still with me on this and don't mind a few incest jokes between friends. Read and Review let me know you're still happy. Ciao bella.


	19. Homecoming

It had taken minimal convincing to get Miranda to agree to a trip home. Her only point of hesitance was Katie's education. Logan checked around and between the three of them Angela, Miranda, and he qualified to home school Katie. It was a simple solution that pleased Miranda endlessly. They could leave right away and put LA behind them for a while. That left only Gustavo. No one relished the thought of telling him they wanted to go home but Kendall finally picked up the phone.

"Kelly, we want to go home." Kendall said after the assistant answered the phone.

"Why, what's going on?" Kendall was kind of touched that her voice rang with genuine concern. He just hoped that it was concern for him and the other guys and not for her job.

"Logan and I just got hate mail today and it's just a lot to deal with on top of everything else." Kendall said sighing. "We don't want to quit we just want to take a break and go home."

"Gustavo's not going to be happy about this." Kelly said her voice reticent.

"We're can't push the album until the heat dies down and you already said we weren't doing anymore television appearances until you could be sure we were safe." Kendall said ticking out his reasons on his fingers; Logan had thoughtfully provided him with a cheat sheet.

"Just because we can't push the album doesn't mean that you guys can rehearse and work on it."

"Are you telling us we can't go home? Do you know what my hate mail said?" Kendall said his usually cool demeanor shattering, his voice actually sounded strained.

"No, I'm not saying you can't go home, I wouldn't do that . I don't know what your email message said either." Kelly said with a sigh. "You know that I want what's best for you all and I think Gustavo feels the same way….somewhere deep….deep down inside, but I'm going to have to give him a good reason or he's going to fight of the hell of it."

"Someone sent me a message asking if I had sex with Logan before I told him I was his brother." Kendall said through gritted teeth. Kelly's shocked silence seemed to stretch forever.

"I'll make the arrangements and handle Gustavo, you guys get packed." She said after a moment. "How long are you planning to be gone?"

"A month or two?" Kendall wheedled. "We've barely been home since we got out here and James' grandmother is getting older…"

"You don't have to guilt trip me Kendall; I said I'll handle it. Don't worry about anything just go home and enjoy yourselves." Kelly replied her voice warm.

"Thanks, Kelly." Kendall said before he hung up the phone.

Less than a week later, Carlos' father and James' grandmother were waiting in the terminal when they got off the plane. The old woman's carefully curled hair was smashed down against her scalp from the helmet that Manuel had forced on her. She had tried to insist they take her car but she found it difficult to argue with the man's bright smile and warm brown eyes and he cajoled her to live a little and ride to the airport with him on the back of his motorcycle. James through the boarding gate and swept her into a hug grinning at the crisp sound of her laughter. Carlos walked hesitantly towards his father half expecting to get smacked in the back of the head. Instead Manuel closed the distanced and pulled his son off the ground in a bone crushing hug.

"Mijo, it's been too long since I've seen you." He said, laughing. "I think you may have grown."

"Really?" Carlos said blinking down at himself when his father set him back on the floor. "I don't feel any taller."

"I meant your gut," Manuel said reaching out to tweak the skin of Carlos stomach through his shirt. "Miranda must be feeding you well." Carlos laughed as his hand coasted of his stomach smoothing his shirt.

"She does, Papi, she's a good cook." Carlos said grinning.

"I'd almost forgotten how long your eyelashes are." Mamaw said reaching up to cup James cheek. "Such a pretty boy, my Jamie." James bowed his head demurely a blush spreading across his cheeks.

Logan and Kendall stopped dead on the edge of the family reunion, half out of respect and half from fear that they would be noticed. Miranda and Katie wondered over to the luggage carousel to wait on their bags. Finally Manuel and James' grandmother turned at the same time to look at their objects of their children's affection. Logan stepped quickly behind Kendall only his head peeking out. Kendall's hands automatically went behind his back in an attempt to make himself look innocent. Carlos and James wore identical expressions of expectant unease.

"Come here boy." Mamaw said crooking her bony finger in Kendall's direction. He moved forward hesitantly, leaving Logan searching desperately for cover. He came to stand in front of the old woman gazing down at her anxiously. She reached up and grabbed his cheek pinching it firmly but not painfully grinning as a smile burst across his face. "It took you long enough to open those green eyes of yours."

At the same time Manuel walked across the shiny tile to Logan and looked down at the nearly cowering boy. Logan returned his gaze stammering silently trying to find words…any words. Finally Manuel's hard expression broke into a grin as he swept Logan off the ground in another bear hug. Logan managed and inarticulate squawk.

"Nuera." Manuel said patting Logan on the head when he finally put him back on the floor. Logan's face went blank, he really needed to learn more Spanish if he was going to be with Carlos. The entire family could speak English fluently but they didn't. Finally he craned his neck around Manuel's broad shoulder to get a translation from Carlos only to find his boyfriend laughing helplessly. Manuel walked over to help Miranda put the luggage on a cart when it finally came out onto the carausel. Logan rushed over to Carlos.

"What does 'nuera' mean?" He asked grimacing nervously.

"Daughter-in-law." Carlos said barely suppressing a giggle. Logan blinked slowly and turned to watch Manuel stack their suitcases on the luggage cart.

"Does that mean he's not going to kill me?" Logan asked relief easing across his face.

"No, he's not going to kill you, but he does want grandchildren." Carlos said grinning as Logan jumped and smoothed a hand across his flat stomach.

"I think that's got it." Miranda said as Manuel grabbed Katie's last bag off the conveyer and plopped it down on top of the luggage cart.

"Good, I was afraid we'd have to get another buggy." Manuel said smiling as he grabbed the handle and headed towards the terminal door.

"We're staying for a month at least." Miranda said smacking him gently on the arm. "The boys need some time away from California."

"Carlos said that some stuff was happening but he wouldn't be specific, I think he was afraid I'd fly out." Manuel said grimacing. "What did happen?"

"Well we're home safe now so there's nothing to worry about." She said evasively.

"Still I'd like to know."

"The day of the interview some woman threw a bottle at Logan and Carlos as they were getting into the limo, when we got back to the apartment they had already changed the door but while we were out someone had carved the word 'faggot' into the wood." Miranda said shaking her head. "A few days before we left Kendall and Logan got some hate mail but they've stopped telling me everything so I don't know what they said."

"They probably just don't want to worry you." Manuel said darting forward to open the door for her. Miranda grinned and held the door open while he went back to get the cart. Manuel's old world gallantry got the better of his common sense sometimes.

"I know they don't, I kind of went to pieces the day of the interview, but I don't' want them dealing with it all by themselves either. They're just boys."

"Miranda, they're men now." Manuel said shaking his head with a small smile.

"NO!" She said jabbing him in the arm with her finger. "I don't care if they are eighteen they will always be the same little boys that played fort in my living room and picked the neighborhood flowerbeds clean every year on Mother's Day." She said grinning.

"It did take me a while to get used to four cards on Father's Day." Manuel said smiling.

"You were the closest thing to a father they ever had." Miranda said reaching up to pat him on the back. "I'm just glad you were around to give them all 'the talk.'"

"I have the distinct feeling my talk wasn't exactly topical." He said shaking his head as he began loading the luggage into a nearby taxi.

"Are you really okay with Carlos and Logan?" Miranda asked as she helped load the luggage.

"I don't know. Some days I sit and pray that it's a phase he's going through." Manuel said shaking his head as he glanced back into the terminal where Mamaw as giving Logan and Carlos both a preemptive onceover. "And then I see them together and I hope that it lasts because Carlos deserves something good. Logan's smart, kind, and he is attractive isn't he?" Manuel asked, he wasn't exactly up to the task of gauging if men were handsome or not.

"I think he's adorable." Miranda said shrugging. "But I think all of them are. "Listen, I know they're just eighteen and puppy love rarely lasts, but I've been with them every day for two years. Logan is really good for him. You could see a difference when they were just sharing a room, but now that their together….it was a three hour ride from LA and Carlos didn't fidget once."

"Really?" He asked the amazement clear on his face.

"Yeah, they sat there, held hands, and talked the whole way." Miranda said grinning as she put the last bag into the trunk. Manuel pressed down on them before closing the lid.

"What are we doing about sleeping arrangements?" Manuel asked as he turned to lean against the hood.

"Minnie has enough rooms at her place. She said that she would be more than happy for some company." Miranda said standing beside him. "I know you and Angela would rather have Carlos and Logan back home with you but they've been together for so long I just didn't think it would be fair to split them up between the two houses or to have both of them stay at one house."

"And I don't really know how okay I would be with them sharing a bed at my place." Manuel said shrugging his shoulders. "It's still a lot to get used to."

"I know," she said nodding. "Believe me I know." Just then the boys and Minerva came out of the terminal and headed towards the cab.

"You don't mind if I ride back with James, do you?" The older woman asked patting her hair. "I think I'm a bit too old for two thrilling adventures in one day." She said favoring Manuel with a smile.

"I don't mind, go ahead ride in the van, I'll be alright by myself." He said grinning at her. "Unless some other daring, pretty, young thing would like to take a ride?" He said glancing at Katie and Miranda. Miranda threw her hands up and shook her head.

"Can I, Mom?" Katie asked tugging at her arm.

"I don't know. Motorcycles are awfully dangerous." Miranda said hesitantly.

"Mom, he's a cop and he has a spare helmet." Katie pointed out; she had long since outgrown using puppy dog eyes to get what she wanted.

"Alright, but you take it slow," she said shaking her finger at Manuel.

"Slow and easy." He said nodding.

"Alright!" Katie squealed jumping happily. Manuel led her over to his cycle and adjusted the helmet to fit her head. It turned out that someone would have to have ridden with Manuel anyway. The taxi was actually a minivan but still there was only room for Kendall, James, and Minerva in the back seat, Logan and Carlos in the middle, leaving Miranda to sit up front next to the driver. She gave the cabby the Minerva's address before turning to stare out the window.

It was a long drive from the airport to their neighborhood but no one seemed to mind. James was torn between talking to his grandmother and watching the familiar scenery of home pass by the window. Kendall was satisfied to stare out the window. It felt like as if the world itself was sighing in contentment. The weather was perfect, the first chill winds of fall were blowing but the sun was still shining down brightly on the leaves that were just beginning to tint with the brilliant colours of autumn. Logan ended up asleep with his head on Carlos shoulder. Car rides always either made him nauseous or sleepy, if he fell asleep early enough he was long gone before the nausea ever set in. Carlos smiled as he listened to the soft sound of Logan's breath in his ear and watched the mottled tree's whip by the window. Miranda settled back with a sigh. She had never been so happy to feel the crisp bite in the air as she was then. Everyone was home and safe; she wished they could stay forever.

When the taxi finally pulled to a stop in front of Minerva's house James could feel tears stinging at his eyes. He had only lived in the old Victorian house for six years before they all picked up and moved to LA, but it was more home to him than any place had ever been. He waited with limited patience as Kendall and Mamaw climbed out of the fan before he dived out after them running for the front porch. He flopped down on the old wooden swing and devoured the sound of creaking chain like it was water in the desert. Minerva walked up and joined him taking his hand in hers as the swing swayed gently. Kendall went around to the back to help Miranda and the driver unload bags as Carlos nudge Logan awake gently. A few moments later Manuel and Katie arrived on his motorcycle and began dragging bags up the sidewalk too.

"I didn't realize how badly I missed this place." James said wistfully as he stared up at the paint peeling from the ceiling of the porch.

"Home is like a ghost that follows you wherever you go." Minerva said smiling. "You may not always be able to see it but you can always feel it."

"That was beautiful." Miranda said as she climbed the porch with her arms loaded with bags.

"I'm afraid I have to give the credit to Ann Landers, but I'll accept the compliment just the same." Minerva said grinning at her. She heaved herself from the swing and walked over to unlock the door. "My room is on the bottom floor, I'm too damn old to hop up those stairs every night. You and the baby are down here with me and the boys have free run of the top floor and the attic." She said turning to grin at James.

"Oh wow, we haven't had a sleepover in the attic since we were freshmen." Kendall said nostalgically as he climbed the porch with his and James' bags.

"That was the time Carlos stepped on that skunk's tail and we had to spend half the night hosing him down with tomato juice." Logan said grinning as he climbed the steps.

"Do you guys want to have a sleepover?" James asked. "I mean for old times' sake?"

"It sounds like a great idea to me, baby." Kendall said with a brilliant grin.

"I'm game." Carlos said with a shrug. Carlos leaned close to Logan and whispered in his ear. "You could always give me a bath for old times' sake too." Logan simply nodded emphatically.

"Well I don't care where you boys sleep but you need to get in the house before you catch cold." Minerva said poking her head out the door.

"It's seventy degrees." Logan said dumfounded.

"Exactly." She said before disappearing back into the house.

"I forgot how crazy she was." Logan said staring blankly at the screen door.

"I know, you just have to love her, right?" James said brightly as he took his suitcase from Kendall and headed into the house.

"He's got a point," Carlos said as he headed towards the door. "She's a less crazy than my abuela."

"I never want to meet that woman." Logan said shaking his head violently. Kendall just smiled and followed him into the house.

Logan was unpacking his things in one of the guest bedrooms when his phone rang. He almost didn't want to answer it; he didn't think he could handle another email from some random jerk. He finally checked the phone after he'd finished filling the dresser with the briefs Carlos insisted he bring. He flipped the phone open and an icon at the top told him he had a voicemail he went to his inbox and held the phone to his ear.

"I can't believe you left LA without telling me you jerk." Camille's voice screeched shrilly in the recording. "You finally grow a pair and get yourself a boyfriend and suddenly old Camille just isn't worth a courtesy call anymore." Logan sighed and sat down on the bed to listen the remnant of the five minute rant. To be honest he'd been so relieved to get out of California that he hadn't thought to tell anyone he was leaving. He just wanted to go home where he could hang out with Kendall without anyone talking and hold hands with Carlos without anyone throwing any bottles. Carlos came into the room wearing a veritable beard of chocolate cake. It hadn't taken him long to find the kitchen where he stared at the delicious looking confection until Minerva had taken pity and cut him an extra large slice.

"You looked bummed, Princess, what's up?" He asked dropping to the bed beside Logan.

"I forgot to tell Camille I was leaving and now she's pissed at me." Logan said shrugged as he closed the phone and tossed it on the dresser. He knew he should call and apologize, and he would, but he didn't want to be reminded of the Palmwoods or anything else in Hollywood for a little while. He just wanted to sit down for a while and enjoy being back.

"She'll get over it." Carlos said nudging him. "What some cake?" Logan glanced at him and laughed.

"I'm not licking food off your face, monkey." He said shoving at his shoulder. "You better go wash that off before you get it all over the bedspread."

"Fine," Carlos said rolling his eyes. "Try to be romantic and get shot down." He grumbled as he stood.

"Licking food off each other's faces is only romantic for dogs, Carlos." Logan called as he walked down the hall to the bathroom. He came back a few minutes later with his face scrubbed clean. "Kendall and James are in the back yard building a fire pit." He commented as he sat back down.

"You want to go get dirty but you don't' want to leave me alone in the room, is that it?" Logan asked smirking at him.

"Little bit." Carlos said pouting. Logan shook his head before kissing him.

"Let's go." He said standing and offering Carlos his hand. Carlos took it and they walked down the stairs and out the back door. Logan's breath nearly caught in his throat as he stepped out onto the back porch. The yard was filled with an ocean of leaves tinted bright orange, yellow and red. He hadn't seen the fall colours for two years, he longed to dive off the porch into the deep leaves and roll. Kendall and James were underneath the largest maple tree raking the leaves back from the base of the trunk. Carlos sauntered over to join them but Logan simply stood on the porch and stared. They raked the pile of leaves over near the porch and Kendall handed Carlos a shovel. He walked halfway between eh tree and the porch and sat down to watch him work. James leaned against a nearby tree with a grin on his face. Carlos took the spade and stabbed it into the ground with relish. The hole was half as deep as it needed to be when a crash and the sound of crackling leaves caused Kendall and Carlos to turn quickly. James had been watching the entire time and was clutching his stomach with laughter as Logan rolled in the pile of leaves. Carlos dropped the shovel and sprinted across the yard to dive on top of his boyfriend. A few moments later they both rolled out of the pile laughing breathlessly.

"I wanted to do that so bad I couldn't stand it." Logan said when he finally caught his breath. James crossed the yard and extended a hand to help him up.

"I noticed." He said as he hauled Logan to his feet. Kendall was still staring at him with an amused smile. "Get back to digging Carlos; you're not covered in dirt yet." James said reaching out to tap his friend on the arm. Carlos shrugged and went back over to the tree where the shovel was leaning and levered another clod of dirt from the hole. James and Logan joined Kendall on the ground and sat watching him. It was easier to watch Carlos dig than help, if you watched from a safe distance there was little chance you would get hit with flying dirt, if you helped that chance was gone.

Despite the growing chill in the air Carlos got hot digging. He paused for a moment and pulled his t-shirt over his head before tucking it into the back of his jeans. James and Kendall took little notice of the sudden change in attire but Logan found himself entranced, his eyes followed beads of sweat as they trickled down the tan back and disappeared into the waistband of Carlos jeans.

"Why don't you dig from the other side for a while, the pit is getting uneven." Kendall called out. Carlos nodded and moved around to stand in front of the tree facing the tree. As amazing as the view had been from behind watching the sweat flowing down Carlos' stomach was damn near pornographic. Logan glanced over at Kendall in time to catch a sly smile.

"Thank you." He murmured before turning his focus back to his boyfriend.

"We should probably go find some rocks to line it with." Kendall said, nudging James as he climbed to his feet. James glanced at him for a moment before smirking. He got up and followed Kendall around the side of the house. Logan found himself on his feet before he could think. He crossed the yard like a sleepwalker and took hold of the shovel. Carlos stopped and looked up at him. Logan grabbed him and kissed him hard, their lips bruising together, before working his way from the corner of Carlos' mouth down his neck. Logan's lips followed the salty trail across Carlos's collarbone down across his chest and onto his stomach before he stopped, straightened, ant licked his lips like the cat that got the cream. Carlos stood very still his hand gripping the shovel so tightly his hand shook.

"We're in the backyard of James' 80 year old grandmother's house, James and Kendall are just around the corner, and you do that?" He asked swallowing thickly. Logan simply nodded and twined his arms around Carlos neck, his forearms resting on his bare shoulder, and kissed him again. "You know I want to pin you against that tree and make you squeal." Logan nodded again smiling wickedly. "If Mamaw Carlin looked out the window she would probably have a heart attack and we'd never hear the end of it."

"Good point, I'll go be good." Logan said dropping one final kiss on Carlos upper lip before he wondered back over to the pile of leaves and lounged back staring up at the patches of pale blue sky shining between the branches of the trees. It was a shame to miss the rest of the show but if he had to watch anymore sweat find its way into Carlos shorts the temptation to join it would be far too intense. Carlos shook his head ruefully and tugged at the leg of his jeans before he went back to digging. A little while later James and Kendall came back around the corner of the house loaded down with medium size stones. James' cheeks held an unmistakable blush.

Carlos surveyed the hole carefully before leaning the shovel against the tree. He pulled his shirt back on and wondered back over towards the pile of leaves to flop down beside Logan. Kendall and James knelt to arrange the stones around the perimeter of the pit. When the circle of rocks was two deep they walked over to where Carlos and Logan lay.

"Are you two going to stare up at the sky the rest of the day or are you going to come help us look for firewood." Kendall asked nudging Logan's ribs with the toe of his sneaker. Logan twitched and curled away from the offending foot. Carlos noticed the movement like a shark scenting blood in the water and rolled onto his side to dig his fingers gently into Logan's side. Logan released a caw of laughter curling away only to find Kendall on his knees on the other side ready to catch him.

"Oh, come on this isn't funny, guys." Logan gasped trying to sit up to get away from them only to find the sudden weight of James on his knees as the tall sandy haired boy's fingers danced across his stomach. There was nowhere to run and too many to fight, one of them alone would have been strong enough to pin him down to tickle him. "This wasn't funny when we were twelve either." He managed to protest between fits of forced laughter. Finally Kendall and Carlos rolled away simutaneously as James leapt nimbly away to avoid retribution.

"Well we weren't naked but that was still awesome." Carlos said sighing.

"No way I'm climbing on Logan's lap naked." James said shaking his head with a warm grin. "That's how people 'accidently' have sex." Kendall rolled onto his side laughing as Logan finally managed to push himself off the ground his chest still heaving slightly.

"Yeah, the clothes stay on; I have no intention of beating Kendall to the holy grail or anything." He said reaching up to pick leaves out of his hair.

"I'm the holy grail?" James asked cocking his hips coquettishly. Kendall rolled to his feet and wrapped his arm around James hips.

"And the whole nine yard." Kendall said kissing him.

"We better go get that firewood." Carlos said pulling Logan to his feet. "Before those two start rubbing their sticks together and throw sparks." Logan made a sour face before breaking into a grin as he allowed Carlos to drag him to the back gate. Minerva's house, along with the rest of their neighborhood, sat at the edge of town, nestled against a small forest. The boys had spent a lot of time when they were younger exploring those woods gallantly. They had had more than a few mishaps like the day Logan slipped out of a tree and broke his wrist or the night Carlos blundered across a skunk and stepped on its tail but those were still good memories in their own way. Kendall had carried Logan out of the forest without allowing anyone else to touch him until they found Miranda. And the whole group had spent the rest of the night pouring tomato juice Carlos head as he sat shivering in a tin tub in the backyard.

By the time they got back with their burden of twigs and fallen branches the sun had began to set and Minerva was on the porch calling them in for supper. The sight of the boys made her burst into laughter. They were all loaded down with kindling, with bright leaves stuck in their hair, and each wore an identical look of disappointment. She had spent so much time fretting over and missing James that she had forgotten how much she loved the ragtag band of hellions he called his family.

"Come in and wash up. You can build your fire after supper." She said sighing contentedly. "Be sure to wash behind your ears, Carlos, I have enough potatoes without you starting a patch back there." She said tugging on his earlobe as he walked by. He grinned at her and walked into the house. When the guys came into the kitchen freshly scrubbed and defoliated they sat down to a feast. Fried chicken, mashed potatoes, green beans, dumplings, and rolls crowded the table. Carlos groaned ecstatically as he sat down and started piling food on his plate. Minerva swatted his hand as he lifted a drumstick to his lips.

"Don't forget we say grace at me table, little boy." She said cutting her harsh tone with a warm smile. He dropped the chicken leg and smiled apologetically. "I'd like to do the honors tonight if no one minds." When no one objected she clasped her hands and bowed her head without checking to make sure everyone else followed suit.

"Lord, I want to thank you for watching over these fine children who sit with me tonight and keeping them from harm. I want to thank you for bringing them home to me." No one looked up as her voice caught and a tear of happiness flowed down her creased face. "Finally I want to thank you for this meal we are about to share and the happy times ahead as you shield us from sorrow. Amen."

"Amen," the rest of the family echoed. "Eat boy, eat." She said reaching out to pat Carlos arm as he stared at the tear track on her cheek. He didn't need to be told again, he dug into his plate with a grin. It was good to be home.

A/N: If I were smart I'd end the chapter here, 'cause it's a good place, but I'm not that smart. There's still more story to tell. I enjoyed writing this chapter more than I have enjoyed writing for some time. I hope you all enjoy it too. As always please review, it warms the cockles of me heart to hear people enjoying these fics. Ciao bellas.


	20. Campfire

By the time everyone else finished their dinner Carlos had stuffed himself so badly that when the other three boys ran out the back door towards the fire pit he followed sedately mindful of his uncomfortably full stomach. While Kendall and James arranged the braches and twigs down into the hole Carlos lay on the ground with his head in Logan's lap rubbing his stomach. After a moment of fighting with the matches he has taken from a kitchen drawer Kendall finally got the fire going before moving underneath the tree to sit beside James.

"Well the fire's going, what do we do now?" Logan asked smoothing his fingers through Carlos' hair soothingly.

"We could roast weenies or marshmallows" Kendall said with a shrug. Carlos groaned and rolled onto his side to bury his head in Logan's stomach.

"If he eats anymore he'll explode and I'm kind of stuffed too." Logan said reaching down to rub Carlos' stomach with a smile.

"We could tell ghost stories." James suggested.

"Aren't we a little old for ghost stories?" Logan asked rolling his eyes.

"I'm not." Carlos murmured grinning up at him

"Alright then, you start." Logan sighed.

"I'm no good at telling stories; you were always the one that had us all shaking the rest of the night."

"I memorized all those out of a book though." Logan said shaking his head.

"You memorized ghost stories?" James asked incredulously, barely biting back his laughter.

"It was worth it to watch you and Carlos huddled under the covers shaking like kittens." Logan said smirking as he played with Carlos hair. To be honest he had only memorized the ghost stories because Carlos loved them so much. The fact that after a particularly frightening yarn he would cling to anyone within a foot radius only served to sweeten the pot. Of course that had all been back when Carlos was shaggy and scrawny, when he had started to fill out and muscle up Logan stopped telling him ghost stories from fear of being crushed.

"You don't remember any of them?" Carlos asked disappointedly, pouting up at him. Logan stared down at him. He couldn't remember Carlos pouting before they started dating, he was pretty sure he would have remembered too, the way his bottom lip stuck out drove him crazy.

"Well I suppose I remember bits and pieces." He said shrugging. "I guess I could try to piece them together." Carlos smiled and caught one of his hands, drew it to his mouth, and kissed the back. Logan sighed again; it didn't take a genius to realize he was wrapped around the other boy's finger. All it took was a little pout and a grateful smile and he would do anything Carlos asked. The thought ordinarily would have frightened him worse than any ghost story. The thought of being at someone else's mercy was something he had never liked. But the way the fire reflected in Carlos' eyes seemed cool in comparison with the warmth radiating from him. So warm it pushed the fear away.

"A few miles from here there is a farm that has been abandoned for years." Logan said staring into the fire as he began his story. "The old place has been abandoned for years and the older people who remember why don't like to talk about it. But I heard some of the old guys that hang out in front of Guthrie's talking about it one day. A long time ago during the Great Depression an old farmer grew pumpkins on that land. He andhis family lived in a rundown farmhouse by the field. Money was short for everyone but the old man planted his pumpkins like he did every year and hoped that people would still try to make jack o' lanterns and pumpkin pies for Halloween and Thanksgiving. The patch was growing very well and the first pumpkins were on the vine when the unthinkable happened." Logan paused for dramatic effect and grinned as Carlos waited with baited breath and Kendall rolled his eyes. "A giant murder of crows swooped down on the crop and ate half of the pumpkins…."

"A murder of crows?" Kendall asked grinning snidely.

"A group of crows is called a murder, look it up." Logan said glaring at him for a moment before continuing his story. "The old man was devastated by the loss of so much of his crop and he was afraid his family would starve so he did something he never thought he would do. He gathered up some of his wife's wedding silver and took it to Molly Covington. Everyone was afraid of the old woman who lived in the deepest part of the woods. They all said she was a witch but the farmer was desperate. He walked through the woods to the old woman's cabin and knocked on the door. When it opened all he could see was the one of the old woman's yellow eyes staring at him through the crack. He showed her the silver and explained his problem. The woman's gnarled; bony hand slid through the crack and took the silver from him. 'Go home to your patch, find the black pumpkin, make of it a jack o' lantern, and set it atop a scarecrow. No one will ever touch your precious pumpkins again." The farmer nodded and quickly turned to walk back through the forest to his fields. He shuddered as the old hag's laughed followed halfway home. When he got back to field there was a black pumpkin sitting there amidst the carnage of the rest of the field. He plucked it and carried it into the barn. When he cut into it to make the face an evil smell like rotten eggs came out of it. The seeds and muck he scooped out were looked rotten." Logan said shuddering for effect. "Finally he carved the most awful face he could think of into the side of the pumpkin, stuff a pair of his old overalls with hay and put the scarecrow in the field. Sure enough the next day when he went to check on the patch there wasn't a single crow to be found….alive. The field was covered in dead birds but none of the remaining pumpkins had been touched so the old man went back into his house. Everything was perfectly fine until it started growing colder, around this time of the year, when the farmer went out to harvest the field. It got late and the farmer still hadn't come in for supper so his wife went out to look for him and finally found him lying dead at the feet of the scarecrow, the scythe he used to cut pumpkin vines plunged into his chest. His wife was too terrified to try to harvest the pumpkins herself so she abandoned the farm and moved back to live with her mother in Minneapolis. To this day anyone who dares to go to that dreadful pumpkin patch and tries to pick a pumpkin winds up dead." Logan said.

"Dude, that was weak." Kendall snorted. Suddenly the back gate crashed open with a thud and a cloaked figure ran into the back yard shrieking. Kendall yelped and jumped into James' lap; Carlos screamed and dove behind Logan his hands frantically scrabbling for his helmet. The shrieking apparition stopped at the edge of the firelight and pulled back its hood to reveal Katie shaking with laughter.

"Such a brave man." James said sarcastically as he grabbed Kendall around the waist and squeezed him. "You're totally the guy."

"Not cool!" Carlos shouted his voice shaking slightly as he peaked over Logan's shoulder at the robed teenager. Katie stumbled towards the house clutching her stomach, laughter still pouring out of her.

"Did you know about this?" Kendall asked accusingly as he leaned back against James' chest. There really wasn't any point in moving now he had already made a fool out of himself.

"We didn't plan anything," Logan said shrugging, "but I heard her moving through the leaves on the other side of the fence, the rest of you were too busy listening to notice."

"You could have at least warned _me._" Carlos grunted shoving at Logan's back.

"But then I would have missed the opportunity to hear you scream like a little girl." Logan said grinning as he reached back to grab Carlos' hand and draw him around beside him. "You don't feel sick anymore do you?"

"No, that pretty much scared the crap out of me." Carlos said grudgingly as Logan wrapped his arms around his shoulders. "No more ghost stories….like ever."

"Ah, but you're so cute when you're terrified." Logan said pouting in turn. Carlos stuck his tongue out at him but still eventually leaned forward for a kiss grinning helplessly.

"Do you guys remember the night after we beat West Tremortan?" Kendall asked, grinning nostalgically as he settled deeper into James' lap. He wanted to change in the subject before anyone turned their back on his embarrassment.

"Was that the night that we celebrated by giving Carlos a pound bag of candy?" James asked chuckling. "Or the night he ran around the backyard naked singing "We are the Champions"?"

"I think those were the same night," Carlos said scratching his head. "But my memory's a little fuzzy."

"I think that was also the night you threw up in my lap and fell asleep singing "Love in my Tummy." Logan said ruffling Carlos hair a little harder than was necessary. "I had to burn those pants."

"All that was the game against Richmond Heights." Kendall said shaking his head. "South Tremortan was when Logan sprained his ankle sliding to block their last minute goal."

"Oh god that was the night that Carlos carried me around everywhere and nearly knocked my brains out a half dozen times." Logan said rolling his eyes. By the time the night was through his head had hurt a lot worse than his ankle. He was just glad the knot on his head was enough to convince Carlos it was a bad idea to carry him until his ankle healed.

"I was just trying to help." Carlos said quietly.

"I know, monkey." Logan said gently brushing his fingers across Carlos' forehead with a soft smile. His aching skull hadn't been the only reason he had had Carlos stop carrying him. He was already crushing on the small, rough boy long before they ever moved to LA and it was that night when he was being carried clutched against Carlos' chest that he had realized how wonderful he smelled. He could barely handle the temptation to bury his face in Carlos neck and breathe deeply of that spicy scent so he had used the numerous times Carlos had bumped his head as an excuse.

"You guys honestly don't remember what else was important about that night?" Kendall asked arching his eyebrow in disbelief. They didn't know it at the time but he was pretty sure it was one of the most important nights of their lives.

"That was the night we all sang together for the first time." James said shaking his head with a smile. He remembered because it was the first night he had ever heard Kendall sing. He was already head over heels for the green eyed boy but when he heard his voice he thought his heart was going to break inside his chest.

"Oh, yeah." Carlos said nodding his head emphatically. "Logan said he couldn't sleep because his foot hurt so Kendall started singing him to sleep."

"Instead of falling asleep he started singing along and we ended up singing every song we knew until the sun came up." Kendall said grinning.

"Then your grandmother made us get up and go to church." Carlos said turning his head to grimace at James. "'I don't care when you went to sleep, I'm not going to go to the Lord's house and try to explain to him why you shiftless heathens are still in bed on a Sunday morning!'" They all burst into laughter most of the time their only brushes with religion were provided by Minerva. Angela had problems reconciling her science with religion so she had left it up to Logan to find his own path in the world. Miranda had always felt that the traditional morays of organized religion were stifling to children's creativity and she told herself that repeatedly even when Kendall and Katie were are their most hellacious. Manuel had distanced himself from the church after he watched the life drain from his wife as she held their firstborn son.

"She's not going to drag us to church Sunday is she?" Logan asked wincing. He had never been particularly religious and after the incident with the bottle he was a little gun-shy. He knew that in theory there were good, accepting Christians in the world. Minerva was a prime example, but he was still afraid that if they walked into the church it would be nothing but angry glares and recrimination.

"No," James said shaking his head. "She wants to give us time to settle in but I think we need to go eventually."

"Why?" Logan asked puzzled. James had always been dragged to the large white building under mute protest just like the rest of them.

"Because the reverend preached love and tolerance the week we came out instead of preaching about the evils of same sex marriage. Half the congregation owns a copy of our last album." He said shrugging. "They support us, we should be grateful."

"Well thank god for small favors." Kendall said barely stifling a yawn. "I think I'm jet lagged, is anyone else sleepy?" He asked stretching.

"Kind of." Carlos admitted, his eyes had been getting scratchy for a while.

"I guess we better get moving then." Kendall said standing to offer James his hand. "The nest isn't going to make itself." The nest was a pile of mattresses and blankets they had used for sleepovers in the attic for years. It wasn't so much that it needed to be made as much as it had to be patrolled for spiders before Logan would get near it. "Why don't you two put out the fire and we'll go up and get everything ready." Kendall said moving towards the house. Logan had already filled a galvanized bucket with water hours ago before it got any darker and they started getting tired. He remembered fumbling around for the bucket in the wee hours of the morning when they could barely keep their eyes open. He dashed the bucket over the fire and jumped as it died in a spectacular burst of hissing steam. Carlos took a handful of dirt and sprinkled over top of the soggy embers before sticking his hands in his pockets and heading towards back to stand by Logan. Logan leaned against his side smiling wearily.

"I wish we didn't have to go back." Logan sighed. He had avoided thinking about LA the entire day but logic insisted that if he ignored their eventual return it would be so much harder.

"You don't want to do the band anymore?" Carlos asked quietly. Logan could hear the disappointment in his voice.

"Of course I do, I just wish we could record our music here instead of LA. I never realized how homesick I was until I got back." He said shrugging. "I mean we weren't even old enough to go away to college and we picked up and moved across the country."

"I know I kind of missed everyone: Dad, Angie, even Mamaw." Carlos nodded his eyes still locked on the dying fire. "Let's just enjoy being home and forget about LA for a while."

"Yeah, I don't want to ruin the entire vacation thinking about going back." Logan said with a sigh. He linked arms with Carlos and headed back to the house. When they got to the attic Kendall and James were already sitting in the middle of the nest wearing their t-shirts and boxers.

"That didn't take long." Logan said as he flopped down on the mattresses.

"From the looks of it Mamaw was already up here cleaning." James said shrugging. It was true the blankets and pillows all smelled like fabric softener and when they shifted on the mattress they didn't release small plumes of dust like they had when they were younger. Carlos had already found a convenient corner where he shed his shirt and shimmied out of his jeans. He came back in his boxers and flopped down into the nest beside Logan.

"You're a little overdressed, Logie." Kendall said smirking. Logan blinked at him for a moment before rolling his eyes. He had been avoiding undressing because he was wearing the Princess briefs that Carlos bought him he had all but forgotten another one of their old traditions: last one in their pajamas was a rotten egg. There weren't really any consequences for being a rotten egg aside from the other three getting to gloat but the look of triumph on Kendall's face made him nervous.

"I've gotten so used to the temperature in LA; it's a little chilly up here. I might just keep my jeans on." Logan lied quickly and artlessly. He honestly didn't want his brother and James to see him in briefs much less ones with sparkly pink words across the seat.

"I'll keep you warm." Carlos said wrapping his arms around his shoulders. It was true that Logan could feel heat radiating from Carlos bare chest through his thin shirt but that wasn't helping matters much.

"Just the same I think I'll keep my pants." Logan said stumbling to his feet to go shirk off his shoes.

"Get the pants!" James bellowed before diving for Logan's legs. Logan went down face first….hard. He was glad he hadn't managed to make it out of the nest before getting tackled. He rolled over on his back as Kendall and James both grabbed a shoe and hauled them off with a pop before grabbing the bottom hems of his jeans. Carlos fingers began to scrabble at his fly as Logan struggled to kick free and fight them off.

"Why are you helping?" He shouted glaring accusingly at his boyfriend.

"What part of taking your clothes off should I object to?" Carlos asked as he managed to pop Logan's button loose.

"You're my boyfriend you're supposed to be on my side." Logan snapped slapping at Carlos' fingers as they went for his fly. As much as he hated to admit it all the rough handling had caused a rather disturbing reaction that only the stiff fabric of his jeans was keeping under control. If his friends managed to get his fly down and his pants off it would be all too obvious to the whole room.

"Why don't you want your pants off?" Carlos asked ceasing his attempts for a moment. He didn't want Logan to be pissed at him if there was a really good reason for keeping his jeans. Logan grabbed the back of his neck and hauled him down to whisper in his ear. Kendall and James were still trying to drag his jeans down but it was just for show. Logan usually put up a fight when it came to getting naked in front of people but they were beginning to wonder if he had another reason aside from his shyness.

"I'm wearing the stupid underwear you bought me." Logan hissed into Carlos ear. "They're embarrassing."

"No one cares what your underwear looks like, at least you're wearing underwear." Carlos said suppressing a giggle.

"I have a boner too!" Logan groaned digging his fingers into the skin at the back of Carlos neck.

"Really?" Carlos said glanced down the length of Logan's body. "You like getting tackled and stripped?"

"Apparently!" Logan grunted trying to shake James' grip on his pants loose. "And believe me the fact that my brother and his boyfriend are the ones trying to strip me when this happens does not make me happy!"

"Roll over." Carlos said quickly a newly formed idea shining on his face.

"What?" Logan asked going still for a moment.

"Roll over on your belly, they'll see the underwear but at least they won't see the boner." Carlos explained, "They'll snicker a little over the underwear but I can cover you up before they see the boner."

"Why won't you just let me keep my pants?" Logan moaned squeezing his eyes shut dismayingly.

"Because Kendal's got that look in his eye again." Carlos said shaking his head quickly. "Like he's wondering if I've done something worth killing me over."

"Fine." Logan groaned. He let Carlos undo his zipper and flopped quickly onto his stomach before James and Kendall could pull the jeans down his legs. As the waistband of his jeans slid over Logan's butt and the sparkly, pink letters came into view Kendall stared at them with his head cocked as James clamped a hand over his mouth attempting to smother a giggle.

"I see London, I see France, I see Logie's…."Kendall started singing.

"Shut up!" Logan grunted as Kendall burst into laughter. "Like you've never done anything embarrassing for James." Logan said glaring over his shoulder. Kendall stopped laughing his eyebrows meeting over his nose.

"Never speak of it." He said flopping back on his butt, drawing his knees up to his chest as Carlos grabbed a blanket from the pile and dropped it across Logan. Logan rolled over careful to hold the thin fabric away from his lap before bunching it up so any tents would be hidden among the folds.

"Do you suppose I could get a pair of those with "I'm the Guy" in blue?" James asked Carlos.

"I think so." Carlos said shrugging.

"Don't you dare!" Kendall said grimacing as James rolled onto his side laughing again.

"Alright everyone is undressed now, can we go to sleep?" Logan whined rolling his eyes. The fact that it was a little chilly in Minnesota after spending so much time in California hadn't been a total lie, he knew it had to be at least sixty outside but he felt chill bumps creeping up his bare arms. Kendall yawned heavily, stretching until his back popped.

"I guess we probably should." James said nodding. "Mamaw will probably cook breakfast tomorrow and I want to be awake for it. Kendall stretched out on his back and lay still as James wrapped himself around him. If someone had told him a year ago that he would be able to sleep with another boy wrapped around him like a boa he would have laughed but now he was pretty sure he couldn't sleep without James clutching him like a teddy bear. Logan sat at the foot of the nest a ponderous look on his face. He couldn't figure out a logical arrangement. When they were younger they all fell asleep stretched out side by side on the mattresses, and if anyone woke up wrapped in a bear hug from James or Carlos they just laughed it off. But now they were two couples and the nest was a lot smaller. Finally he stood with the blanket still wrapped around his hips and stretched out on his side facing Kendall. Carlos lay down behind him and stretched out against him before wrapping his arm around his ribs their fingers tangling on Logan's stomach.

"Night, Kendall." Logan breathed contentedly. "Night, Carlos."

"Night, Logan." James puffed raising his head to glare at Logan.

"Night, James." He said grinning sleepily.

A/N: Well I was planning on twenty chapters for this story but that just wasn't enough because I really love the boys being back home. I can't tell you how many chapters there will be but we're still getting towards the end. Home you enjoy read and review please.


	21. The Cold Light of Morning

Logan woke reluctantly, he was pretty sure he had heard his mother's voice a few moments ago and he wanted to go down and see her but he was so warm. It wasn't the cloying heat of LA, it was the combined heat of their bodies snuggled up in the nest fighting back the morning chill. The groggy, joy quickly flooded away as he opened his eyes to find James' face inches from his own. He glanced up and saw Kendall's chin inches from the top of his head. Somehow, sometime in his sleep he had managed to get his head up on Kendall's chest. It didn't take him long to realize Kendall's hand was trapped between his back and Carlos front. It took a little longer for him to realize from the sound of his breath that Kendall was already awake.

"You're playing possum aren't you?" Logan asked sighing heavily.

"Little bit, don't breathe like that, your mouth is way too close to my nipple." Kendall said laughing shakily.

"Well I'm scarred for life." Logan said shaking his head.

"Don't freak out about it, you just woke up with your head on me, at least no one's poking each other." Kendall said laughing quietly.

"Carlos is poking me." Logan said, for some reason he felt the need to make the point.

"Yeah, James is poking me too. But at least you're not poking me and I'm not poking you." Kendall said shrugging.

"Good point, this could have been a lot worse." Logan said nodding. "We need to figure out another sleeping arrangement if we decided to spend the night up here again."

"You would rather wake up poking James?" Kendall asked chuckling again.

"Quite frankly, yes, it would be weird but at least he's not related."

"Good point, you want to try and get loose from these two and go downstairs, I think I hear Aunt Angie." Kendall said attempting to extricate his hand from between Carlos and Logan.

"Would it freak you out if I said I wanted to stay here for a while?" Logan asked hesitantly.

"You really missed all of this didn't you?" Kendall asked his voice devoid of amusement or discomfort.

"Yeah, quite a bit more than I knew." Logan said nodding.

"I don't mind to lie here for a while." Kendall said shaking his head softly. "You know we could sleep up here the rest of the vacation and just use the rooms for….personal things."

"I don't know. I might not want to go back to my room when we get back to the Palmwoods." Logan said shaking his head. The thought of going back to LA caused his breath to hitch in his chest a little. He had to get over this it wasn't like Minnesota would disappear when he went back he could always come home if he missed it too much but still didn't relish the thought of leaving. He remembered being excited when they boarded the plane for the first time headed to California. He wasn't sure when that excitement had soured.

Logan's head was so close that Kendall heard the almost sob when he spoke about the Palmwoods. He had never realized that Logan was homesick, he was usually calm and reasonable that Kendall forgot sometimes that deep down Logan was just as human as the rest of them. He managed to free his hand enough to draw it up to sift his fingers through the soft hair at the back of Logan's head.

"You know that wouldn't bother me but Mom might need valium." Kendall said chuckling.

"As awesome as it would for us all to share a room I think we would eventually get on each other's nerves." Logan said shaking his head.

"Probably but then Carlos and James would try to kill each other instantly getting it out of their system and we would be too amused by the display to be angry anymore." Kendall said logically.

"You know one of these days we need to try to get them to wrestle in pudding." Logan said smirking.

"I'm game." Carlos grunted sleepily. "But I think James would take some convincing."

"How long have you been awake?" Logan asked feeling Carlos arms tighten on his midsection.

"Long enough to know that I might have to start wearing clothes to bed every night." Carlos said grinning against the skin of Logan's back.

"It's rude to eavesdrop you know." Kendall said smiling.

"It's rude to snuggle other people's boyfriends." Carlos said still grinning. He could feel Logan's heartbeat against his chest; he had never felt it so calm.

"He was my little brother before he was your boyfriend, I can snuggle him if I want." Kendal replied his arm tightening around Logan's shoulder possessively.

"Kendall, I need oxygen to live." Logan said tapping his finger against Kendall's stomach.

"Right, sorry." Kendall said relaxing his grip. He felt slightly embarrassed, it was the first time he'd actually growled at Carlos over Logan, but he had been wanting to for a while. He knew it was kind of stupid for him to be jealous of Carlos because Logan had never appeared to be jealous of James but he couldn't help himself. He had kind of been Logan's entire world for a long time, he was friends with Carlos and James but now where as close as he was to Kendall. Now suddenly he had a rival for Logan's affection and it was driving him crazy. "I just made this weird, didn't I?" Kendall asked ruefully when Logan still didn't relax after he released him from his death grip.

"Little bit." James said laughing. Logan jumped as the other boy's bright hazel eyes popped open inches from his own. "If I can share my pillow then you can share your brother." Logan moved away from Kendall drawing his head off his chest. Now that everyone was awake there was no reason to sit still and it was getting too weird to be comfortable. James chuckled as he rolled into a sitting position. Kendall sighed and sat up.

"I'm sorry; I just had drive by stupidity." He said shaking his head.

"I was just joking anyway, man, glomp him whenever you want to." Carlos said shaking his head as he went over to the corner to retrieve his shirt and pants.

"Yeah about that, can we talk?" Carlos glanced over his shoulder at Kendall as he pulled up his jeans. The blonde boy had been glaring daggers at him every now and again since he'd found out he was dating Logan. It was probably something they should talk about before tensions got high enough for Logan or James to notice but he wasn't looking forward to the conversation. Still Kendall didn't look homicidal he actually looked kind of uncomfortable and ill.

"Yeah sure." Carlos shrugged as he pulled his shirt over his head.

"Kendall…" Logan began with a worried look on his face.

"It's okay Logan it's just something I need to get off of my chest." Kendall said grinning reassuringly.

"Fine but if you're going to give my boyfriend 'The Talk' then I get to scare James." Logan said his eyes flickering from Kendall up to James. James had at least a foot on him so it wouldn't exactly be easy to frighten him but he could try.

"You might want to put on some jeans first, Princess." James said smirking as he headed towards the door. Logan grumbled and grabbed his pants attempting to pull them on while hopping along after him. Kendall got his own jeans and pulled them up his legs ever aware of Carlos' eyes on him. Finally he went to the dormer window and leaned against the sill with his arms crossed over his chest.

"I'm sorry I lost my head there." Kendall said after a moment of tangible silence.

"What about the dirty looks you've been throwing me?" Carlos asked. Normally he would have played goofy to avoid any more tension but this was something he knew they needed to get out in the open. He just wanted to understand why Kendall suddenly didn't like him.

"I didn't know you noticed those…I'm sorry about that too….it's just that…." Kendall said faltering over his words. Even before he said anything he knew he was going to sound like a gigantic ass and that wasn't a colour he wore well….or willingly. "For years Logan loved me like I was the only person in the world. I never stopped to think if it was healthy or normal I was just glad he loved me and now all of a sudden you come out of nowhere and he's spending all his time with you and I know he loves you. I know it's stupid and I feel like a dick but I'm just a little jealous that I'm not his favorite anymore." Carlos stared at Kendall for a moment before curling over with laughter. Kendall just glared at him his eyes narrowing and his jaw clenching. He had put all of his feeling out on the line and Carlos was laughing at him.

"I'm sorry," Carlos gasped holding up is hand. "I didn't mean to laugh at you. I'm not Logan's favorite, I'm his boyfriend. I can give him things that you can't. He'll always love you better than anyone else in the world….aside from his mom maybe. Whatever I do he's still going to love you more than me."

"Then why aren't you jealous?" Kendall asked puzzled. If there was some other guy that James loved more than him he would do his damndest to kill him.

"Because I realize there's a difference between the love he feels for you and the love he feels for me. They're both strong but very difference. I don't have to share his love with you because it's two different things." Carlos said shrugging his shoulders. "At least it is for Logan."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Kendall asked his voice going small and dangerous. He had had enough accusations in LA if Carlos started he was going to throw him out the window.

"It means that if Logan wasn't your brother then James and I wouldn't stand a chance with either one of you." Carlos said lifting his hands defensively. "I know you would never touch Logan because he _is_ your brother and that means something to you, but I think you've spent so much time doting on him and protecting him that any and all love in your heart is focused on him."

"You don't think I love James?" Kendall asked his face going pensive. He knew he loved James but if the choice ever came down between him and Logan….well he hoped to god he would never have to make that choice.

"Of course you love James, anyone could see that, but I think if Logan decided he was too homesick to go back to California then James would be flying back to LA alone." Carlos said shrugging.

"No he wouldn't." Kendall said shaking his head violently. Carlos wasn't supposed to be this smart; Carlos wasn't supposed to be capable of hurting his brain like this.

"Probably not, but only because he loves you so much that he would give up his Hollywood dreams and stay with you." Carlos shook his head sadly. "He probably wouldn't even hate you for it either."

"So you would give up being famous for Logan?" Kendall finally asked with a sigh. Turning the tables on Carlos was so much easier than dealing with the small storm brewing behind his furrowed brow.

"If your brother asked me to I'd cut of my dick and give it to him in a box." Carlos said grinning. Kendall merely stared at him. "Alright, maybe not, but if it meant keeping him or watching him walk off and leave me I'd do it."

"I think that makes me feel better." Kendall said nodding his head. "He's still afraid you'll leave him."

"He told you that?" Carlos asked his face going blank for a second. He knew that Logan had had a brief crises of faith but he thought that was over when he warned Stephanie away. He had no idea that Logan still didn't trust him.

"I shouldn't have said anything, don't get pissed at him." Kendall said quickly and desperately. If he ruined Logan's relationship it might just be his dick in a box.

"I'm not pissed at him….I mean this doesn't feel great right now…." Carlos began his hand going to his chest involuntarily. The fact that Logan still didn't trust him felt like a knife twisting in his heart.

"It's not you." Kendall said crossing the floor until he was standing toe to toe with the smaller boy. "Listen, the only guy that was ever a part of Logan's life until your dad was our dad. Do you realize none of our parents are married? Logan doesn't understand the concept of a lifelong relationship because he has never seen an example of it."

"Yeah, I guess it's hard to believe in forever when all the adults around you had someone leave them. Even my mom left." Carlos pressed his hands to his face. "How do I fix this?"

"I honestly don't know." Kendall said shaking his head. "But I'll help anyway I can."

James finally stopped at the top of the stairs to allow Logan to pull up his jeans before he headed down and out the back door. He could hear voices coming from the living room and one of them was Logan's mom but the other boy followed along determinedly. He paused at the threshold when James went out on the porch and sat down in his grandfather's rocking chair. James had rarely seen Logan without his shoes and he'd certainly never seen him outside without them but Logan finally took a deep breath and stepped down on the porch before walking quickly to the rocking chair tucking his feet beneath him as he sat.

"I appreciate that you went through a lot to give me this big talk." James said glancing over at Logan. "But short of you pulling a shotgun I don't think you can scare me, Logie."

"I only said that to try and convince Kendall not to read Carlos the riot act, I didn't come down here to try and scare you." Logan said shaking his head.

"Then what was the point of following me all this way?" James asked grinning. He had to admit he felt a little sadistic satisfaction that Logan had followed him down the hallway trying to hop into his jeans and out onto the porch in his bare feet.

"Well it was better than staying up there." He said glancing at the ceiling over their heads. "I don't know what's going on but as long as they don't kill each other I'm not getting in the middle of it."

"Still, you could have gone into the living room to see your mom instead of coming out on this filthy, dirty porch to talk to me." James said grinning as Logan flinched and swiped at his feet absently. Carlos had helped him with a lot of his little obsessive behaviors but he was still not fond of walking barefoot.

"I just thought we should talk now while we had the opportunity." Logan said shrugging after a moment of though. "I know we were never the greatest friends, but when I was in the park you stopped to help me. I mean I'm dating your best friend and you're dating my brother, we should probably hang out or something."

"You know something?" James asked glancing over at Logan before turning his eyes back to the piles of leaves in the back yard. "I never really liked you." Logan sat still for a moment before he stood from the chair and headed towards the backdoor. James reached out and caught his wrist. "I didn't say I didn't like you now, doofus, sit down." Logan looked at him confusedly before going back to take his seat.

"Why didn't you like me?" Logan asked shaking his head confusedly.

"Do you remember the fourth fifth grade?" James asked.

"Parts of it…vaguely, why?"

"The fourth grade was when I got transferred into the class with you guys." James said his eyes going foggy with memory. "I was having problems in the class before that, not with homework or anything, but there was this guy in there that decided from the first day he didn't like me. I never understood why but he did everything he could to me without getting caught. He'd trip me and throw things at me. Finally the principle transferred me to your class. I thought it was to get me away from the bully but I overheard her talking to Mrs. Treguard once. She said that maybe the three of you would adopt me and straighten me out. At the time I thought she thought I was a trouble maker…but now I'm pretty sure she thought I was too effeminate and that hanging around with you three would turn me into a normal boy."

"Wow," Logan said shaking his head in disbelief. He could barely remember James back then because he never said much, most of the time he just sat in the back corner with his hair hanging over his face. But he couldn't imagine a teacher just singling him out as 'the gay kid' and shoving him into a group of rowdy boys to fix it.

"You guys didn't even notice I existed…at least I didn't think you did, until the day that same kid with the bad attitude came after me during recess. I was sitting in the corner of the playground tying a daisy stem in knots when he just appeared out of nowhere blotting out the sun. I don't know what Treguard was doing but grabbed me by the shirt was going to punch me when suddenly this blond streak flashed by and he was on the ground getting pummeled by Kendall while you and Carlos picked me up off the ground.."

"What's the point of this story?" Logan asked examining James' features carefully.

"That was the day I fell hopelessly in love with Kendall Knight." James said smiling sadly. "I didn't know what I was feeling or why my heart tripped a little when Kendall smiled at me but it never went away." James said his eyes flicking over to Logan.

"What does all of this have to do with me?" Logan asked still confused.

"Dude, I was jealous. Kendall always wanted to spend time with you; we never did anything without you there. Carlos was something different, Kendall could go three seconds without checking on him, but you had to be right there with him or he just wasn't happy. It took me a long time to figure out that Kendall wasn't in love with you, but that still didn't change the fact that he still loved you more than he would ever love me."

"I'm sorry." Logan said his face a mask of sympathetic pain.

"If I had known what we know now I think it would have been easier, because believe me if I ever had a little brother I would be wild about him too, but back then you were just the little brainy snot that the love of my life doted on."

"What changed your mind? When did you start liking me?" Logan asked scooting forward in his seat.

"Do you really have to ask?" James asked giving him a wry smile.

"I guess not." Logan said after a moment's thought a bright blush spreading across his face.

"When I realized that Kendall could love me too and more importantly that I got to share his bed and you didn't….well then I could look at you and see how cool you were and how kind." James said his head lolling back against the headrest of the chair.

"Then waking up nose to nose with me must have pissed you off." Logan said wincing.

"No, I don't care if you sleep on Kendall's chest and help me drool all over him, you'll still never see his face when he comes. Sex isn't everything in a relationship but the fact that it's the one thing I got with him that you don't makes me happy."

"So as long as I never try to have sex with my brother we're cool." Logan said grinning finally.

"And if you do I'll end you." James said smiling sweetly. His expression was saccharine but his voice as pure acid and venom.

"No worries, I'm not interested in that particular flavour of brotherly bonding. I got my hands full with Carlos anyway."

"I'll bet you do." James said smirking as Logan flushed a brighter red.

"I really do want to be friends but can I ask a favor?" Logan asked hesitantly.

"Don't worry; I'm not going to talk about my sex life with you, that's what Carlos is for." James said grinning at Logan.

"That is still mildly disturbing but it's better than the alternative."

"You should probably go see your mom; she's been here for at least an hour by now." James said after a moment of silence.

"Yeah, you're right, are you coming in?" Logan asked as he stood and padded for the back door.

"In a minute." James said smiling up at him. As Logan retreated inside the house James slumped lower in his chair his eyes staring out over the back of the fence into the conflagration of colour the forest had become. Despite his reassurances to Logan a small part of his brain still insisted that there was an equally small part of Kendall that would always love his brother more than he loved James. He had long sense made peace with the fact and it was true that he had put his dislike of Logan behind him but none of it changed the fact that knowing he wasn't the first in Kendall's heart hurt him a little. Finally he stood with a sigh and went back in the house.

When Logan walked into the living room Minerva, Miranda, and Angela were sitting sipping coffee. Angela nearly jumped from the couch as stopped in the middle of the floor and stood with his hands in his pockets. She crossed the room and wrapped her arms tightly around him, squeezing his narrow frame. Logan tugged his hands out of his pockets and draped his arms around her blinking uncomfortably. It had been less than a month since she had visited them in California but she was acting like it had been a year.

"Where are your shoes?" She asked leaning back to peer down at his feet. Logan took a step back and looked down at his bare toes as if it was the first time he'd seen them.

"Upstairs." He said after a moment of consideration.

"Since when did you start walking around barefoot?" She asked looking up at him, studying his face.

"I was in a hurry." He said shrugging his shoulders as his eyes went back to his feet. His toes were bunching into the carpet like a baker's fingers into dough. He hadn't walked barefoot since he was a baby; he never realized that something so simple as standing on carpet could feel so good. Was this why people walked barefoot on the beach?

When Kendall and Carlos finally came downstairs they stopped in the doorway and stared at the scene unfolding. Logan was still standing in the middle of the living room floor staring at his feet with a look of profound concentration. Kendall cocked his head as he walked past while Carlos stepped up behind Logan and wrapped his arms around his waist. Angela had long since sat back down on the couch to watch her son.

"What're you doing?" Carlos whispered into Logan's ear. Logan started as if he hadn't even noticed Carlos arms go around him.

"Feeling the carpet." Logan responded his attention barely wavering from the task at hand. Carlos grinned and squeezed him again.

"Nice isn't it." Logan merely nodded still examining the carpet. There had to be something special about that carpet.

"I need to find a sandbox." Logan muttered after a moment his eyes finally coming up from the floor. He flushed as he finally noticed four sets of eyes locked on him inquisitively. Kendall's face bore a small confused smile, Angela was grinning wildly, while Miranda and Minerva just looked confused.

"Sorry," Logan muttered, scratching the back of his head as he slumped onto a loveseat. "I didn't mean to bug out like that." He said blushing again as Carlos sat down beside him and took his hand.

"It's alright, this carpet was expensive I'm glad someone enjoyed it." Minerva said grinning brightly. "Where's Jamie?"

"He's out on the back porch." Logan said relieved by the change in subject.

"Well that leaves only Katie still in bed I guess I'll go start breakfast." The old woman stood gracefully from her rocking chair and walked towards the kitchen.

"I'm going to go check on him." Kendall said following her. "Did you actually manage to scare him?" He asked glancing over his shoulder at Logan.

"No, we just talked a little." Logan said shrugging. "Was Kendall mean to you?" He asked turning to Carlos.

"No, we just talked a little." Carlos said mirroring Logan's shrug with a grin.

"What about?" Logan asked frowning.

"Nothing important." Carlos shook his head. "Hey, after breakfast we'll go find you a sandbox." She said changing the subject quickly. Logan nodded emphatically before snuggly down into the loveseat to lay his head on Carlos shoulder.

A/N: Well thank goodness I'm posting again. That ban was slightly rough on my nerves. I'm still looking for an off ramp on the freeway that In the Rain has become. I'm still enjoying the story but I'm looking forward to bigger and better things. So new poll, how many of you watch Kendall Schmidt's brother Kevin on Unnatural History?


	22. The Harsh Light of Day

Kendall walked out onto the porch and found James curled up in one of the old wooden rocking chair. He paused to kiss him on the forehead before taking the chair Logan had vacated earlier. James continued to stare vacantly across the back yard and over the fence as if he were memorizing every curl and every color of every leaf. Kendall enjoyed the view for a while before turning his eyes to watch James. When the taller boy still didn't say anything Kendall broke the silence.

"Is everything okay, babe?" He asked the skin between his green eyes crinkling with concern.

"I'm just thinking." He said lolling his head to smile at Kendall before returning his eyes to the treetops.

"What are you thinking about?" Kendall asked his eyes still resting pleasantly on his boyfriends face.

"Everything, I guess, I haven't really had time to think for a while." He said a ghost of a smile still haunting his lips. "We're really like a family now. Logan is your brother, I'm dating you, Logan's dating Carlos we're just so connected now.

"We were always a family, James." Kendall said a smile crossing his own features.

"I know but it feels more real now, like we share the same blood or something." James shook his head trying to clear it of the pensive fog that hemmed him in. "I guess I'm just being mushy."

"That's a good thing, 'cause we have to go find a playground after breakfast." Kendall said his lips twisting into a devious smile.

"Why on earth do we have to find a playground?" James asked rolling his eyes despite his smile. "Does Carlos want to go on the swings…or the teeter totter?"

"Knowing Carlos probably both," Kendall said shaking his head. "But after you lured Logan out of the room barefoot he discovered your grandmother's Berber carpet, now he wants to stick his toes in the sand."

"And of course this can't wait until we go back to California." James said smirking. Logan had encapsulated himself for so long there was no telling what new experiences they would have to deal with him going through.

"I don't think he wants to think about going back to California." Kendall's voice turned hesitant, he had noticed the wistful look that had become an all too permanent on Logan's features since they got home.

"Maybe he'll feel better about going back after a month or two." James said with a sigh. He didn't want to abandon his quest for stardom but he didn't want to go back to Hollywood at the expense of Logan's happiness. He was serious when he told the boy that he cared about him.

"Yeah, maybe." Kendall said shrugging. He reached across the small table that separated the two chairs and took James' hand. "Did you and Logan have a good talk?" James smirked at him.

"Yeah, how about you and Carlos?" James asked squeezing Kendall's hand. He had noticed Kendall's resentment of Carlos long before he had. He had actually kind of expected it, he knew that Kendall's love for Logan would lash out at anyone else who got too close. But of course he was no man's land between the two. Kendall was his boyfriend and Carlos was his best friend, he couldn't get in the middle of it without tearing himself apart.

"I think I managed to apologize without making myself look like too much of an ass." Kendall said shrugging. "I'm just glad it was Carlos that Logan fell for and not some random guy from the Palmwoods."

"Can you imagine Logan with Wayne Wayne or Guitar Guy?" James said shaking his head. "It was always Carlos."

"I guess you're right. Of course I always assumed it would be Logan and Camille."

"You always thought it would be you and Jo too." James said frowning slightly.

"Not really." Kendall said shrugging his shoulders before bursting into laughter as James stared at him incredulously. "We had nothing in common, I mean she was cute, but she hated hockey. With you it's different, we've known each other for a long time, we know everything about each other and we have loads in common."

"I wouldn't say we know everything." James said shrugging his eyes going back to the sea of pyroclastic leaves.

"What? What don't I know?" Kendall said leaning forward in his chair as if to hear him better. James sighed without looking at him.

"If I tell you you're going to spazz out and it's such a pretty day."

"You can't say things like that and then not tell me." Kendall demanded his voice panicked and wheedling.

"Fine, but if you break up with me over this I'll kill you." James said rolling his eyes. "I don't really like hockey."

"What!" Kendall yelped, bouncing out of his chair to stare at his boyfriend. "You were one of the best players in Minnesota. How can you not like hockey?"

"I don't know, I like playing hockey well enough, I just don't like watching it on television."

"I'm so confused. If you don't like hockey then why did you even join the team?" Kendall asked sliding back into the rocking chair, his eyes never leaving James.

"I'll give you one guess." James replied stretching to tap his finger on the end of Kendall's nose. Kendall's eyes crossed to view the offending digit before looking back up at his boyfriend.

"You joined the hockey team just because of me?" His face lit up with a near blinding smile.

"Well Carlos and Logan were into hockey too, but yeah there were practices and games, the enormous blocks of time where I didn't get to see you. I figured it was better than sitting at home by myself." James said shrugging. "But I managed to keep all my teeth and the exercise was great for this," he said wiggling his fingers through the air over his body, "so it was a win/win situation." Kendall stood and walked over to James.

"Yeah, I have to admit all that practice did give you a rockin' body." He said ghosting his fingers up James abs his eyes catching fire as he slid his hands beneath the thin cotton of his t-shirt.

"Oh, jeeze on the porch?" Logan whimpered as he stepped through the door snapping a hand over his eyes. James rocked back with a laugh, his fingers skimming the skin of his stomach where it still tingled from Kendall's touch. Kendall took and step back and put his hands in his pockets grinning innocently.

"You can uncover your virgin eyes now, Logan." James said after his laughter subsided.

"Mamaw Minnie told me to come tell you breakfast is almost done." Logan dropped his hand but still didn't quiet meet their eyes.

"Good I'm starving." James vaulted out of his chair and head towards the door, lightly bumping Logan with his shoulder as he walked past. Kendall shook his head and headed towards the kitchen.

"You need to wash your hands before you eat." Logan said smirking at Kendall passed him.

"I was playing with his belly, not giving him a hand job!" Kendall hissed as he walked through the door.

"What is he your puppy or your boyfriend?" Logan asked following along behind him.

"If you ever scratched Carlos' belly you wouldn't need to ask questions like that." Kendall said barely slowing as he threw a smirk of his own at Logan before disappearing into the bathroom. Logan thought for a moment before shaking his head. Kendall was just teasing him again. By the time Logan was finished scrubbing his hands at the kitchen sink Minerva was setting a steaming bowl of gravy down on the table. Logan took his seat at the table beside a freshly scrubbed Carlos grinning as Kendall ruffled his hair as he passed.

"So what do you boys have planned today?" Minerva asked after she had said grace and everyone began eating.

"Well I guess we should probably find a sandbox around here somewhere so Logie can play in it." James said grinning around a mouthful of food.

"Why don't you take Katie with you, she needs to get outside more." Miranda said glancing over at her daughter. It was true that the girl's normally tan complexion had lost some of its former color.

"Sure, if she wants to go." Kendall said shrugging. Katie would probably get as much amusement out of watching Logan scratch at the sand like a chicken as anyone else.

"I don't. I have plans." Katie grumbled without looking up from her plate.

"How can you have plans? We just got here." Miranda asked staring at her youngest child in exasperation.

"I promised Lincoln I'd go through the Mad Lands with him today." Katie said her eyes still not coming up from the table.

"Oh, Lincoln." Logan said adoringly, a wicked smile on his face.

"Shut up, twig." Katie said finally looking up to glare at her brother. "He's just a friend."

"Do you even know where Lincoln lives, how old he is?" Miranda asked her face twisted with concern. That had been the big positive with Kendall and Logan she had already known their boyfriends for a long time when they started dating. But the only people Katie was close with were Buddha Bob and a bunch of random kids on the internet.

"I said he was just a friend, god!" Katie lunged up from the table and stalked away into the rest of the house. Miranda watched her go her face still worried.

"Did I ever mention that I'm glad you four are boys?" She said finally turning back to her plate.

"She'll be okay, Mom, I mean the kid is a nerd that plays World of Magic, he probably lives in Zimbabwe or something. How dangerous could he be?" Kendall asked shrugging.

"You're probably right." She responded shaking her head to clear it. "If you boys can't find a sandbox anywhere you can always go to Henderson's Hardware and buy a bag for Logan to play in."

"Why is it that everyone is making me sound like a toddler?" Logan asked frowning.

"Because you have less life experiences than some three year olds." Kendall said grinning. "It's cute." Kendall said quickly when he saw Logan's face fall.

"Hey, that was my line." Carlos said smirking.

"You guys suck." Logan mumbled poking at his plate.

"Caution is a healthy thing, Logan." Minerva said grinning at the downtrodden boy. "And learning to overcome your fears is even better. They wouldn't tease you if they didn't love you."

"I know, it's just…I already feel like a big doof half the time for being like this." Logan shook his head.

"You're not a doof, it really is cute watching you discover new things." Carlos said reaching his hand under the table to snag Logan's. "It's like all these things I've taken for granted are brand new to you and it makes me appreciate them more. You should try going out in the sun without a shirt on."

"Skin cancer." Logan muttered shivering in disgust. His mother had pulled some strings when he was younger and got him in the observation gallery for a surgery at her hospital. The operation had been to remove melanoma from an older woman's back. He would never forget watching the surgeon excise the ugly, brown tumors from the woman's skin.

"You won't get skin cancer after thirty minutes in the sun." Carlos said leaning over to drop a kiss between Logan's eyes. "There is such thing as sun block."

"Alright, let's go upstairs and get ready before Carlos talks Logan into being a nudist." Kendall said popping up out of his chair to head towards the stairs.

"I guess that leaves you and me with the dishes." Miranda said rolling her eyes at the other three boys raced after him laughing.

"Well at least there are two of us, dear." Minerva said with a serene smile as she stood up and began clearing the table.

Half the stores along Main Street had their summer merchandise on the sidewalk, trying to clear their shelves in preparation for winter. Logan stopped and picked up a pair of cheep flip flops and examined them carefully. The last time he had owned sandals was when he was twelve. Finally he detoured into the store and bought the ugly, orange pieces of plastic.

"They had pink in your size." Carlos said glancing over his shoulder as they walked away from the store.

"Why are you always trying to get me to wear pink?" He asked glaring at his boyfriend.

"I think you look cute in pink." Carlos said shrugging.

"It makes him look like a queen." James said shaking his head with a grin as he walked down the sidewalk with his arm around Kendall's shoulder.

"And we all know there can only be one queen in a group." Logan said smirking at his brother's boyfriend. James glared at him for a moment before sticking his tongue out at the shorter boy.

"I am not a queen."

"You're a beauty queen." Carlos said stumbling as he curled over in laughter.

"It's better than being a chimp." James said squawking as Carlos broke away from Logan and made a feint at him. He turned to run and Carlos chased him down the street.

"I hope they don't knock over anyone's mailbox." Logan said shaking his head.

"Nope, there go Mrs. Carleson's mums." Kendall said laughing as Carlos dove onto James back forcing him onto the ground and into a flowerbed.

"Should we hide or go try to save the rest of her flowers?" Logan asked as James rolled Carlos off of him taking out another large swatch of fluffy orange blooms. Just then the grumpy, older woman they had known most of their lives came bursting out her front door shouting.

"Take this homo show off my lawn or I'm calling the cops." She screamed as she advanced on James and Carlos swinging a broom.

"Hey!" Kendall shouted jogging the last few yards to where James and Carlos were now sitting staring up at the angry woman. "They were just horsing around, I'm sorry about your flowers but there's no reason to call anyone names." He said as he skidded to a stop, towering over the glowering woman.

"I know exactly what they were doing." She said sneering down at the other two boys. "And I don't want it on my lawn. I seen you boys on the television I know what you are."

"What we are?" Kendall said frowning down at her with a puzzled expression on his face.

"She knows we're gay." Logan sighed as he reached to help Carlos and James up.

"That's exactly right and I don't want a bunch of queerosexuals doing nasty things on my grass."

"Wait a just a minute." Kendall said his face going red.

"Kendall, forget about it, let's just go." Carlos said tugging at his friends arm.

"But we weren't doing anything!" Kendall said glaring at the woman. What happened next kind of shocked everyone. Logan and James had been standing towards the back watching Carlos try to drag Kendall away from the irate neighbor. Suddenly Logan turned to James, reached up, took his face in his hands, pulled him down, and kissed him.

"Whoa!" Carlos yelped catching the action from the corner of his eye.

"Oh my god." The woman gasped disgustedly before turning to stomp into her house.

"What the hell!" James grunted as he peeled Logan off of him.

"She was being a bitch and Carlos was too far away." Logan said grinning apologetically. Kendall burst into laughter clutching his sides.

"Come on guys, we better go. I don't think she was kidding when she said she'd call the cops. I don't want to have to explain to my dad why I was rolling around someone's lawn with James." Carlos said pulling on Logan's sleeve. Logan allowed himself to be lead away from the yard and down the street. James followed along dragging a still cackling Kendall behind him.

"I can't believe you kissed James." Carlos grunted gently shaking Logan's arm. "I don't know who's having a negative influence on you but obviously one of us is, you used to be the good one."

"I'm sorry, it was the first thing I thought of, you're not mad at me are you?" He asked pouting down at Carlos, two could play that game. Carlos stared at him for a moment before shrugging.

"Was he any good?" He asked finally, his solemn face cracking into a grin.

"Not really, I think I surprised him." Logan said shrugging apathetically.

"Yeah, a little bit!" James said as he caught up with them. "Next time you want to stick your tongue in someone's mouth get a hold of Carlos or Kendall, your toothpaste tastes like shit."

"It's tea berry." Logan said frowning slightly. "It's organic."

"I can't believe Mrs. Carlson treated us like that." Carlos said frowning over his shoulder, his bottom lip trembling slightly. "We used to trick or treat at her house. I thought things would be different here." Logan turned and wrapped his arms around his shoulders squeezing him tightly.

"No matter where we go people are going to hate us because we're different from them." He said shaking his head sadly. "But there are still people that like us no matter what and they are the only people that matter, everyone else is just stupid." He murmured soothingly in Carlos ear.

"It just makes me wish there was a place where only gay people lived." Carlos said his face still twisted into a frown.

"Then the people who don't like us would get what they want." James said shaking his head. "And the hockey team would probably suck."

"Shut up." Kendall said bumping him with a grin. "Do you guys hear sirens?" He asked cocking his head. The sound of approaching sirens was just barely perceptible but it made all their hearts speed up.

"Crap." Logan took off running towards the park and the small stand of woods beside it. He wasn't going to let them get caught and arrested just because he had a little moment of weakness and decided to rub it in a bigot's face.

"Hey look, a sandbox." Carlos said pointing as they dashed past the wood framed pool of snowy sand.

"Forget the sandbox." Logan snapped. "If we get arrested it'll be all over the magazines and Gustavo will kill me personally." He shouted as he ran into the trees. He kept glancing over his shoulder; once he couldn't see the street he started scrambled up a large oak tree barely breaking his stride. Carlos was right behind him and but stopped to catch his breath.

"Squirrel." He muttered gasping for air.

"Where'd Logan go?" Kendall asked skidding to a stop. Carlos pointed into the tree above them shaking his head. Kendall looked up to find his brother straddling a limb his legs swinging beneath him.

"I don't think they're going to come this far looking for us." James said as he glanced up. "It's been like five years since we climbed trees how did you get up there so fast?"

"It's been five years since you climbed a tree." Carlos said finally able to breathe again. "Logan and I climbed the big maple at Palmwoods Park last week."

"Why?" Kendall put his hands on his hips.

"Because making out in a tree is romantic." Logan said leaning forward until his arms hung down on either side of the branch and he was balanced on his chest. "And it's hard to take pictures of people through the leaves."

"Ah," Kendall nodded his face twisted into a smirk. "Just don't try anything else in a tree, the splinters would suck." Carlos nodded with a disturbed expression on his face.

"Are we going to have to hide out here all night?" James groaned flopping to the ground. "Cause I'm actually getting kind of hungry." He said rubbing his stomach.

"Dude, we just ate like an hour ago, I'm not even hungry yet." Carlos said shaking his head.

"I don't know between running from you, getting Logan's tongue crammed down my throat, and running from the police I kind of worked up an appetite." He said glaring at his friend respectively.

"Why did the cops even come out, I figure your Dad would have taken care of it." Kendall said to Carlos before he sat down beside James.

"She probably didn't tell the dispatcher who it was having sex on her lawn." Carlos said shaking his head.

"And even if she did, they would still have to investigate." Logan said from his post in the tree. "They still haven't driven by, maybe they gave up."

"Then come down here and we'll go to the sandbox before we go home." Carlos said staring up into the tree.

"I'd love to, but I think I'm stuck." Logan said sighing.

A/N: I'm sorry this chapter is so long in the coming. I've had a wicked cold for the past….forever. I'm not really feeling better but I've gotten used to breathing through the crud. Still trying to wind the chapter down, hope too many of you aren't getting bored, believe me this is the last time I drag something out past it's expirations date. As always, I love your reviews they keep me kicking. Ciao bellas.


	23. The Harsh Light of Day prt 2

Kendall jumped to his feet and stared up into the tree. Logan had been lounging on the branch a few moments ago; now he was clinging to the narrow limb for dear life his fingers turning white with the pressure.

"What do you mean you're stuck?" He asked pushing his hair off his forehead with an agitated movement. "You were fine just a second ago."

"I think the adrenaline wore off and I realized what I was doing." Logan gulped as he stared down at the ground.

"But you did fine last week." Carlos said staring up at his boyfriend.

"This tree is a lot taller than the one at the Palmwoods, and the ground is a lot farther away." Kendall and Carlos both reached the tree at the same time before stopping to stare at each other.

"He's my boyfriend let me get him down." Carlos said hooking his fingers into the bark.

"He's my little brother, I'll get him." Kendall said his foot already on the base of the tree.

"I'm not really that particular," Logan called frantically. "But it would be nice if you two stopped arguing and came up here to get me!"

"Which one of you weighs more?" James asked grimacing at his boyfriend and best friend. If it was him up the tree he knew who'd be coming up after him…probably Logan. "Because that limb is kind of small and it's already got a full size Logan on it."

"One seventy-four." Kendall said glancing down at Carlos.

"One sixty-five." Carlos said grinning up at him.

"What? No way, you're built like brick house." Kendall said grimacing.

"I'm also short." Carlos said as he began scrambling up the tree. As he stepped onto the branch is swayed and Logan yelped, grasping it more tightly.

"I thought you two had a nice talk." James said sarcastically as he tugged on Kendall's pant leg. Kendall stared up into the tree watching Carlos progress carefully.

"We did." Kendall said without looking down. James climbed to his feet and stood behind Kendall.

"Well obviously it didn't do you much good." He said putting his hands on his shoulders. By then Carlos had managed to scoot up behind Logan without shaking the branch too much. He leaned forward and grabbed Logan's arms smoothing his hands over them until finally the smaller boy released the branch and allowed Carlos to draw him back into a sitting position. "Kendall, look at me for a second." James said squeezing his shoulders. Kendall barely glanced at James before his eyes flickered back into the tree. Carlos had wrapped his arms around Logan's stomach and was slowly scooting them back towards the trunk of the tree. It was slightly more complicated getting Logan to release the branch and slide down the trunk but he finally managed it and after about fifteen minutes they were both back on the ground. Logan hit the leaves beneath the tree and went on his hands and knees his muscles trembling from fear and exertion. Carlos knelt to the ground beside him and pulled Logan into his lap stroking his trembling side. Kendall hunkered in front of them talking softly.

"I'm glad you're okay, Logan" James said before turning to stalk off towards the park.

"Where are you going?" Kendall asked turning towards James' departing back. There was no reply.

"Kendall, seriously, he's your boyfriend and I'm a big boy now." Logan said staring up at his brother his voice still a little shaken and breathy. "He's only going to put up with so much before he hates you and me both."

"What are you talking about?" Kendall said frowning confusedly. He didn't fully understand why James was mad at him much less why he would be upset with Logan. What exactly had they talked about on the porch that morning?

"Dude, every once and while James would like to be the center of your attention when Logan's around." Carlos said shaking his head.

"He's pissed at me because I tried to climb the tree to get Logan down?" Kendall asked exasperatedly. "What was I supposed to do, leave you up there?"

"No, you were supposed to let Carlos come up after me, _and_ you were supposed to follow James instead of standing here talking to us." Logan said rolling his eyes. "If Carlos did that to me I'd kick his ass…just as soon as I stopped crying."

"Crap." Kendall looked back towards the park. How did things get this bad without him noticing, he was usually so on top of things.

"If you don't go after him already I might kick your ass for him." Logan snapped reaching out to smack Kendall weakly on the leg. Kendall jumped and nodded before taking off into the trees. "If I ever do that again, shoot me." Logan said rolling onto his back to stare up at Carlos.

"Climb a tree?" Carlos asked tickling his fingers through Logan's hair.

"No, decide to play kitty cat." Logan said grimacing.

"Does that mean I was the fireman?"

James stopped on the edge of the park and sat down on one of the swings. It wasn't that he was expecting Kendall to follow him; in fact, that was the last thing on his mind. He just couldn't bring himself to walk all the way home by himself and leave Carlos and Logan to look for him. He was slouching against one of the rusty chains staring down at his feet as they scraped furrows in the mulch when Kendall jogged out of the forest and stopped. He wanted to jump up and close the distance but he stopped himself, Kendall would never learn if he kept making things easy for him. Kendall walked across the park and knelt in front of him.

"I'm sorry, baby." He said quietly reaching up to stroke James face. "I didn't realize I was ignoring you." James glanced up at him with a grimace.

"You act like this is the first time you've done it." Kendall pulled his hand away startled by the bitter sound of James' words. How long had this been going on?

"What do you mean?"

"You know for the longest time I thought you were in love with Logan." James said staring at Kendall his lips twisted into a bemused expression. "I finally figured out that you weren't." He said quickly when Kendall's eyes flared. "But you do love him, and I'm okay with that, but you devote all of your attention to him most of the time. That was fine when we were just friends but now that we're dating I was hoping you'd notice me a little more often."

"Notice you?" Kendall said grinning. "Sometimes you're all that I can see, Jamie."

"Not when Logan's around. He's your brother; you love him and you want to protect him. I get it, but I wish….I don't know." He shook his head until his bangs fell down to hide his eyes. "I don't know how to say it."

"You want to be the center of attention every once and a while." Kendall said quietly. He didn't realize how much of his attention was focused on Logan. Looking at it from someone else's point of view he guessed it did seem kind of creepy. He couldn't imagine what it was like for James.

"When you say it like that it sounds kind of shallow." James said laughing shakily.

"I didn't mean it like that, James, you're right. I love you, I do and I guess it's been kind of crappy having to share center stage with Logan. But I promise for the rest of the day my eyes are for you only." James smiled down at him. "Why don't we go do something, by ourselves?"

"Could we go on a date?" James said flicking his hair out of his eyes. "I mean every time we get any alone time we have sex or make out, and that's always awesome, but we've never been on a date before." Kendall grinned at him. James was nearly bouncing against the cold, hard rubber of the swing.

"Sure." He grabbed one of James' hands and brought it up to his lips. "Let me run back and tell Carlos where we're going."

"I don't want to miss out on Logan in the sand though." James said quickly his memory catching up with him. He could go out with Kendall anytime, in theory, but seeing Logan spazz out in a sandbox would probably be a once in a lifetime experience.

"Okay," Kendall waved as he jogged towards the woods.

When fear finally drained out of Logan's muscles and he stopped trembling he shifted into Carlos' lap until he was leaning against his chest. Carlos wrapped his arms around him and Logan sighed happily. Carlos arms were warm and strong, they were better than any blanket in the world. He wished he they could stay this way forever.

"We have some alone time while your brother tries to dig his head out of his ass." Carlos said squeezing Logan more tightly against his chest. "Maybe we should talk." Logan's blood suddenly ran cold; it was amazing how quickly he could go from happy to terrified. Carlos couldn't hold him like that one minute and break up with him the next could he?

"What do you want to talk about?" He asked quietly fighting to keep dread from entering his voice. He failed.

"How you still don't believe in me." Carlos sighed. "You still think I'm going to walk out on you don't you?'

"I'm sorry." Logan moaned dropping his head back on Carlos shoulder. He squeezed the arms crossed on his chest as if mere pressure could bind Carlos to him. "I know I need to trust you, and I do trust you, I'm just terrified that one day you're going to decide that being gay is too hard and your life would be easier with Stephanie or a Jennifer."

"Logan, I told you once already. I love you. I really, really love you. What else can I say to prove that being with you is more important than having it easy with some girl?" Carlos rubbed a hand over Logan's stomach. It was as far as he could move it without breaking free of Logan's death grip. "I'm not going to lie and say it doesn't hurt that you still don't feel safe with me, but it's more important for me to make sure you know that you are, you are safe. I'll never do anything to hurt you."

"I know you're the most wonderful guy I've ever met and every day when I wake up I'm glad that for some reason you decided you wanted me. But that's why I'm so scared, you could live without me, I don't think I could go back to living without you."

"I don't know if I could live without you or not, Princess, but I know I wouldn't want to." Carlos leaned forward and rubbed his chin against Logan's cheek. "I can't imagine waking up in the morning without being wrapped around your boney ass. So tell me, what can I do to make you feel safe…for good?"

"I don't know, I honestly don't." Logan said shaking his head. "I'm trying; please don't give up on me."

"Never." Carlos said kissing the soft 'm' of hair that crept down onto Logan's neck.

"Hey," Kendall said as he broke out of the trees. "James and I were going to take off and have some alone time but he wants to see Logan in the sandbox first." Logan and Carlos stared up at him; they couldn't have looked anymore surprised if Sasquatch had trundled into the clearing. "Sorry, did I interrupt something?" He asked sticking his hands in his back pockets, rocking uncomfortable.

"No, we got everything as smoothed out as it's going to get." Logan mumbled as he levered himself out of Carlos lap and went to stand beside his brother. "I guess you got everything worked out with James."

"Yeah, I think so." Kendall said nodding. "He wants to go on an actual date."

"Wow." Carlos said as he stumbled to his feet. "He's such a girl."

"You let Logan talk you into climbing a tree to make out." Kendall said frowning down at his friend.

"I'm a good boyfriend." Carlos said grinning smugly.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Kendall snapped taking a step closer to Carlos. He was still smarting from realizing exactly how crappy a boyfriend he had been he certainly didn't want the little monkey rubbing his nose in it.

"Whoa, Ken, calm down." Logan said stepping between. He pressed his hand against Kendall's chest. "We're going to deal with this right now, whatever the hell it is." He balled his hand into a fist tugging on his brothers t-shirt as he drug Kendall away from Carlos.

"Monkey, why don't you go keep James company while I have a talk with Kendall?" Logan said quietly his eyes still locked on his brother. Carlos shrugged and walked towards the park. "What the hell is going on with you?" Logan shouted shoving Kendall.

"I'm sorry; I didn't mean to snap at him." Kendall sighed pulling on his best puppy dog expression.

"No, you're not getting out of this that easily." Logan grunted frowning up at him. "I want to know what the hell is going on, you've been snapping at Carlos a lot lately and when you're not snapping at him you're ignoring him."

"I got a little jealous okay?" Kendall sighed pushing his bangs away from his forehead. "It's taking some getting used to, you being with Carlos. I was just used to being your favorite person." He smiled apologetically.

"That is so fucked up, Ken." Logan said laughing shakily. "When you started dating James I didn't say anything, I didn't get jealous even though it meant you started spending giant hunks of time with him."

"I know, I never really was great at sharing." Kendall said shrugging.

"That's the point, we always shared everything, the four of us. If one of us got sick everyone else got sick because it better than being alone. Why are you suddenly having an issue with Carlos?"

"Because I know how Carlos is, he's always staring at girls and flirting." Kendall said his voice going whiney.

"Exactly like the rest of us, especially you, you're just making excuses." Logan smirked up at him.

"Yeah, about that, you don't even like girls do you?" Kendall asked his face serious.

"You're changing the subject, Kendall." Logan groaned.

"Okay, so let me change the subject for a second and we'll go back when I'm finished.

"No, I don't like girls, and before you ask I played along with the rest of you because I was afraid you all would freak out if I came out. Little did I know that James has been in love with you since his balls dropped and Carlos was fantasizing about me in booty shorts." Logan chuckled and shook his head.

"Alright, I was just wondering. You know I would have loved you whether you were gay or straight, right?" Kendall said twitching his eyebrows. "Even if the thing with James hadn't happened, it wouldn't have mattered to me."

"So if Carlos was a girl you'd still be growling at him constantly?" Logan asked dropping his hands firmly on his hips.

"Now who's changing the subject." Kendall asked sneering.

"Answer the question, Kendork." Logan said jabbing Kendall in the chest.

"Don't call me that, Loghead." Kendall replied snaking his arms around Logan's neck until he was in a headlock. "You're right, I probably wouldn't be so pissed if Carlos was a girl but he'd make one ugly girl so I guess it's for the best."

"I suppose we should get back to the park so I can get in the sandbox so you and James can go on your big date." Logan said trying to extricate himself from Kendall's arm.

"Yeah, if we don't come out soon James is liable to come after me with a shovel." Kendall said sighing. "It that what you guys talked about today, me paying more attention to you?"

"Yeah, that was part of it, I didn't realize he was still upset about it though or I would have kicked you before he got upset enough to run off." Logan replied as they headed back towards the park.

James and Carlos were sitting on the edge of the sand box talking when Logan and Kendall finally came out of the woods. Logan walked over and sat beside Carlos and began untying his shoes and peeling his socks from his feet. Kendall walked over and dropped down beside James wrapping his arm around his waist.

"I'm sorry I was a dick, Carlos." Kendall said with a sigh. "I'm trying really hard to take a chill pill."

"It's alright; I shouldn't have picked on you when you were down." Carlos said shrugging. "We'll figure it out eventually."

"You two going to kiss and make up now?" James asked with a smirk as he watched Logan. Logan was standing on the thick wooden parameter of the sandbox in his bare feet staring down at the sand. He was beginning to wish that he'd gone ahead and bought some sand from a hardware store instead. He could only imagine how many kids and cats had done their business in that sand. Finally he took a deep breath and jumped from the side of the box like a skydiver from a plane. When he hit the sand with his bare feet he wiggled his toes, digging them quickly into the grit. The sand was cool and moist underneath the surface and felt like silk running across his skin.

"Could you guys walk Logan home before you go on your date?" Carlos whispered in James ear as he watched a grin spread across his boyfriends face. "I know it's a big favor but I'd really appreciate it."

"Sure, I guess, why?" James asked grinning as Logan dug deeper with his toes; if he didn't stop he was going to hit the plastic lining underneath the sand. They totally had to bury him on the beach when they got back to Cali.

"He's still having trust issues and I think I figured out how to fix them, I need to go get something from Papi but I don't want Logan walking home by himself." Carlos said grinning wildly.

"You do realize he's a big boy, right Carlos?"

"He's an adult, James, but Logan couldn't fight his way out of wet paper bag an you know it. What if someone decided to attack him or something?" Carlos shuddered at the thought of Logan lying cold, hurt, and scared on a sidewalk somewhere.

"I guess you have a point. I bet the assholes we went to school with would just love to get one of us alone right now. Are you sure you'll be okay by yourself?"

"Dude, I'm a Garcia." Carlos said proudly.

"So, headbutt the biggest guy in the nads and run like hell?" James asked laughing.

"Exactly." By then Logan had squatted in the sandbox still wriggling his toes while he ran his fingers through the top layer of sand. Finally he stood up and waded towards the edge of the box leaving wide, deep furrows in the sand. He flopped beside Carlos and dusted the sand off his hands and feet before sliding the neon orange flip flops on.

"I need to run a quick errand, do you mind if James and Kendall walk you back to Mamaw Minnie's?" Carlos asked leaning over to kiss Logan on the cheek.

"I can make it home by myself." Logan said frowning bemusedly. He hadn't needed anyone to walk him anywhere since elementary school.

"We really don't mind." James said quickly. "It's probably not a good idea for any of us to go anywhere alone right now."

"Then why are you going off by yourself?" Logan asked nudging against Carlos.

"Because, I'm a bad ass, now would you please let your brother and James walk you home, it would make me feel a lot better." Carlos said his face sincere and solemn.

"Fine," Logan sighed as he dug through his pocket. "But I want you to take this." He dug in his pocket and pulled out a metal tube in a leather case.

"Pepper spray?" Carlos asked as he examined the tube.

"Just do it." Logan grumbled. "And if you're not back in an hour I'm calling your dad." Logan hadn't thought about them being in danger in their hometown but if people in LA were willing to through glass bottles and vandalize their door there was no telling what some small town roughs would do.

"Deal," Carlos said grinning. "I'll be back in an hour or I'll call. Promise." He said dropping a quick kiss on Logan's nose before get got up and jogged away from the park.

"Do you have any idea what's going on?" Logan asked glancing at James.

"None at all." James muttered as he watched Carlos disappear down the block. "Let's get you home, Princess, so Prince Charming and I can hit the ball."

A/N: A lot of people have been asking me if Kendall was finally going to get to have sex with James. And to be honest I put a lot of thought in it before I finally decided it's not going to happen. It's part of the charm of their relationship. Kendall is adamant that he's the guy, and he really does make some 'guy' mistakes but I find it hilarious that our pretty little girl, James, is topping in the relationship so I'm going to leave it that way. As far as I know the next chapter will be the conclusion of In the Rain, it's been a long time coming and I'm excited, scared, and sad. You guys have rocked outright and I hope you keep reading some of my stuff in the future. Ciao Bellas.


	24. Starlit Night

The boys watched Carlos jog way from the park. Logan couldn't help but gulp to fight the overwhelming tide of apprehension that was bubbling up in his stomach. He had never even entertained the possibility that they could be in any real danger, but then again he had never thought that someone at the Palmwoods would deface their door.

"So where are you guys going on your big date?" Logan asked glancing down at Kendall and James. He had to distract himself before he started hyperventilating or chased Carlos down the street.

"I want it to be a surprise." James shrugged. "It'd be more romantic that way."

"But what if I choose somewhere you hate?" Kendall said panicking enter his voice. One thing he loved about being with James was that it was a low pressure relationship. He knew he didn't have to fight to make James happy, the idea of having to choose some big romantic locale for their first date was kind of terrifying. What if he disappointed him?

"It doesn't matter where we go…no fast-food, as long as you're there it won't be that bad." James said as he reached out to take Kendall's hand dragging him towards the sidewalk. They took the long way home to avoid Mrs. Carlson's house completely. For a while Logan tried to keep up idle chatter to maintain his sanity but finally he gave up and lapsed into silence. There was no way he was going to calm down until Carlos got back from whatever errand he was running.

"You guys be careful." He called hesitantly as James and Kendall walked away leaving him standing on Mamaw Minnie's front porch.

"We will." Kendall said waving over his shoulder.

"Have a good time."

"You too." James threw a smile over his shoulder before they disappeared behind the thick stand of trees that edged Minerva's property. Logan walked over to the porch swing and slumped against the smooth white paint his eyes locked on the sidewalk. Where the hell was Carlos going that was so important?

Carlos headed to the police department first. He wasn't too sure about his Dad's schedule, he'd only been promoted to last year and Carlos really had been halfway across the country. He hesitated on the welcome mat in front of the station. It probably wasn't a great idea to show up at the station so soon after someone had called the cops on him, but he really couldn't see any of the guys he had known since he was six hauling him in for trampling some cranky old woman's flowers. Finally he took a deep breath and opened the door. The receptionist looked up her expression of vague disinterest melting as she recognized the Chief's son.

"Carlos!" She squealed as she ran around the desk. "Last time I saw you, you were this tall." She said waving her hand by her shoulder.

"I'm still that tall, Betty." Carlos said grinning as he swooped under her hand. She dropped her palm and rubbed the smooth finish of his hockey helmet.

"That wouldn't happened to have been you and your motley crew of hellions Mrs. Carlson was calling about earlier, would it?" Betty asked her fingers clamping down hard on Carlos helmet.

"Um…maybe." Carlos said quickly. "But we didn't do anything wrong I swear…okay James and I might have rolled over a few of her flowers while we were wrestling and then Logan grabbed James and kissed him but that was only because she made him mad being mean to us….but we didn't do anything worth going to jail for…please let me go." The words tumbled out stumbling over each other until finally Betty burst into laughter.

"That's pretty much what I thought happened. I sent out Henderson and Schmidt out to placate her …wait isn't Logan your boy? The Chief's been throwing his picture around for like a week."

"Really?" Carlos blinked up at the woman who had been one of his best friends since he was in elementary school. He knew his dad was pretending to be okay with him and Logan being together but he really hadn't expected Papi to be showing people pictures of his boyfriend.

"Yeah, really. So why was your boyfriend kissing James?" She asked grinning.

"Mrs. Carlson was being mean and it really made him mad, James was standing closest so he grabbed him and kissed him just to tick her off." Carlos explained.

"Sounds like you've been a bad influence on him, last time I saw that kid he was a mousy little geek boy." Betty said chuckling again.

"He still is most of the time, is Papi here?" He said finally getting around to the subject.

"No, he left like thirty minutes ago, is it something I can help you with?"

"No, I just wanted to ask him a question; I better head to the house. I promised Logan I'd be back in an hour." Carlos said as he headed back towards the door.

"Well you better run along so he won't worry his pretty little head." Betty said chuckling again. "Don't you leave town without dropping back by to see me, and I know some of the guys want to see you before you go too."  
"I promise." Carlos said as the door closed behind him.

"I said no fast-food." James grumbled as he looked up at the dinner's sign.

"This isn't fast food, it's a dinner." Kendall reasoned.

"It's just not very romantic, we go to places like this all the time in LA." James said his voice falling. He had told Kendall he would be happy wherever they went but he had honestly expected him to put in a little more effort than Aunt Lizzie's Dinner.

"We're not eating here, I'm just going to get some take out, we're going to eat somewhere else. I just know you like the Stromboli's here." Kendall's heart was beating way too fast. He could hear the disappointment in James voice, and the last thing he wanted their first date to be was a disappointment.

"Okay….that's actually kind of sweet, you remembered." James said nodding. "I'm sorry I whined. It's just our first real date…that's not in a freezer."

"Right, I promise, it's going to be great. Why don't you wait here and I'll be right back with the food." James nodded. He really didn't think anyone was going to try anything right in front of a busy restaurant and he wasn't as small and Logan or Carlos, he could take care of himself. Kendall had only been in the dinner for a few minutes when the half full cup of cup landed at his feet splashing cold soda up his legs.

"What the hell!" James shouted looking down at the pop drenching his jeans then back up at the three boys who were walking towards him.

"Hey, Diamond dust." James grimaced, he should have known if there was anyone from high school that was going to give them a hard time it would have been these guys. Tommy Benton and his goons had terrorized everyone they could get their hands on as far back as James could remember. "I heard you and Kendork finally admitted you were a couple of pillow biters." Tommy growled as he came to a stop right in front of James.

"Yeah, we came out, when are you going to?" James said grinning darkly as he stared down at the boy.

"Shut up, faggot." The shove startled James, but the surprise quickly burned away, replaced by white hot rage. He couldn't believe this little bastard had dared to touch him.

"Fuck you, douche bag!" James launched himself at the smaller boy knocking him back into the other two guys.

"You wish." Tommy chuckled as his friends steadied him on his feet.

"I wouldn't touch that microscopic prick you call a dick if you paid me." James shouted back his fists clenched tightly at his sides. Tommy didn't say a word he closed the distance between them and fisted his hands in the fabric of James' shirt. Just then Kendall came out of the dinner.

"Get your hands off him now!" His voice was low and cold; Tommy dropped his hands and took a step away from James. Kendall had kicked his ass more than once for messing with his friends; he'd even fought him a couple times over random kids at the high school.

"I was just leaving anyway, have fun with your boy toy, Kendork." Tommy said turning on his heel to stock off.

"He's prettier than that slut you knocked up." Kendall called after him. The other boy didn't even look back. "Are you okay?" Kendall asked turning to James the anger flowing out of his voice.

"I'm fine." James sighed looking down at his jeans. "I can't believe that guy's still acting like a thug, I should have slugged him."

"No, it wouldn't be very fun to go on our first date with a split lip." Kendall said shaking his head. Now that the source of his anger was gone he was quickly reverting into his usual calm self.

"I don't know. I'm not really in the mood anymore." James said sighing again.

"Oh, come on, baby, we can't let some douche who thinks he's still in high school ruin our date.." Kendall said sticking his bottom lip out.

"Okay, okay, let's go." James said relenting with a grin.

Carlos found himself standing on the front porch of his house staring at the front door. It wasn't like he was afraid his dad was going to jump on him over trampling Mrs. Carlson's flower bed, he probably didn't even know about that yet, but it would still take a time to steel his nerves for what he was about to do. Finally he reached out and opened the door announcing his presence as he stepped over the threshold.

"Papi?" Manuel poked his head out of the kitchen and grinned.

"Hola, niño. What're you doing here, where's Logan." Carlos flinched under the barrage of questions. At least he sounded like he was in a good mood.

"Logan's at Mamaw Minnie's house." Carlos said sidestepping the subject as he walked down the hall towards the kitchen.

"You guys aren't fighting are you?" Manuel asked turning back to the stove as Carlos slid into a chair at the table.

"No we're not fighting." Carlos said quickly. "I just wanted to come ask you a favor."

"What's that?" Manuel came and sat down at the table.

"I…I want momma's wedding ring." Carlos stammered quickly attempting to get the words out before he lost courage. Manuel leaned back in his chair without saying a word for a sometime, it was far too long for Carlos's liking, but at least he wasn't screaming.

"Listen, Carlos….I know that you think you feel pretty strongly about Logan and I think he's been a positive influence on you…I really do. But I was saving Maria's ring for you to give to your wife not your first girlfriend." Manuel said slowly and calmly.

"He's afraid that I'm going to decide my life would be easier if I dated a girl, Papi, I have to give him something to let him know he's important to me. He _is_ important to me. I can't think about being with anyone but him." Carlos fingers fidgeted in his lap. "Momma was my age when you married her."

"Yes, sometimes first loves do last but that's not the truth all the time, Carlitos. I just want you to be sure that this is what you want to do, because there won't be another ring."

"There won't be another Logan either." Carlos sighed; he had to do something to prove to Logan that he wasn't going to walk off the moment things got hard. He was beginning to fear that Logan would try to walk away first to try and protect himself.

"Well, like I said I've been saving this ring for you. I can't say I wasn't hoping you'd give it to some pretty Latina girl with baby hips….but it's your mother's ring, your ring. If you want to give it to a little white boy with a skinny ass I can't stop you." Manuel got up and disappeared from the kitchen. He came back a few minutes later with a small blue box, the velveteen had been worn smooth in places.

"Betty told me you were showing Logan's picture around at the station." Carlos said grinning as Manuel handed him the box. When he opened the box he could swear that the thin gold band glowed with a light all its own.

"Well…. I wanted people to know that you were still a man." Manuel said after a moment of thought.

"Oh….I was hoping you just wanted to show off your son-in-law the future doctor." Carlos said his face falling slightly. "In that case you know sometimes Logan is the man." Manuel groaned and covered his face with his hands.

"I was just kidding, Carlos, you didn't have to tell me that." He said grinning as Carlos began laughing.

"What time is it?" Carlos yelped looking frantically around the kitchen for a clock.

"About fifteen till, why?" Manuel asked glancing at his watch.

"I promised Princes I would be back in like an hour. I think I still have enough time if I leave now." He said standing up from the table.

"You two need to come visit me soon." Manuel said as he followed Carlos to the door.

"We will, Papi, love you." Carlos said grabbing his father in a tight hug before dashing down the sidewalk and down the street towards Minnie's.

"I love you too, niño. Madre de dios ayuda me." Manuel murmured as he closed the door and went back to his supper.

James stared up at the skating rink and sighed. If Kendall pulled out a pair of hockey pads he was going to go back to Mamaw's and get Logan. Maybe he and Carlos could share the more romantic brother. He was actually kind of relieved when he saw the closed sign in the front door. When Kendall opened the door anyway he was just confused.

"Kendall, they're closed what are you doing?" James asked as Kendall lead him down the hall to the rink.

"I called in a few favors while I was in the dinner." Kendall explained as he opened the door and lead James into the changing room just off the ice. To James' relief there were two pairs of skates laid out of the bench but no hockey pads.

"Whose favors did you call in? Did they know you were calling them in for a big gay date?" James asked worriedly as Kendall sat down on the bench and pulled on his size twelve skates.

"What happened to mystery being romantic?" Kendall asked grinning up at his as he laced his skates.

"Being called a faggot and thrown off the ice is not romantic, Kendall." James said frowning.

"If one more person calls any of us a faggot today I'm going to skate on their throat." Kendall said grinning madly. "Don't worry that's not going to happen here though, now are you going to put on your skates or do you want to play Cinderella?" James couldn't help but smile; as much as the thought of playing Cinderella with Kendall appealed to him it would probably be pretty awkward in reality so he sat down on the bench, kicked off his shoes and began lacing up his size fourteens.

When they walked out on the ice James was surprised to find that instead of being flooded with overhead lights the clean, glassy surface was illuminated solely by a lone spotlight. Kendall took his hand and led him into the pool of light before turning to face him his arms wrapping around James' waist. Then the opening bars of "Come on get Higher" began playing over the sound system and James laughed shakily as a lump swelled in his throat.

"Is this romantic enough for you?" Kendall as he spun on his skates dragging James around in a lazy circle.

"Yes, oh god yes." James murmured grinning tearfully.

Carlos ran down the sidewalk. If he didn't get to Mamaw Minnie's before the hour was up Logan would end up calling the police station or worse setting off on his own to look for him. He was making good time, two blocks left and ten minutes to spare, when he ran into a solid wall of muscle and bounced off shaking his head warily.

"Well isn't out lucky day, Diamond Dust might have Kendork protecting him but this little retard is all alone." Carlos blood boiled then froze as he recognized the voice. Tommy had made his life a living hell until he had met Kendall, who for some odd reason he seemed to be afraid of. "Where's your little girlfriend, short bus?" Tommy asked shoving Carlos. Carlos stumbled a few feet before being shoved back by one of the bully's nameless goons.

"Can we not do this now?" Carlos begged trying to get a hold of the pepper spray Logan gave him while being jostled about. "I kind of have somewhere to be."

"Where's that Carly? Fudge packing Mitchell?" Carlos finally managed to pull the canister from his pocket just as Tommy gave him a particularly rough shove. The pepper spray flew out of his hand and rolled into the storm drain.

"Why don't you fuck off Tom? Don't you think you're a little old to be harassing people in the street?" Carlos grumbled. The pepper spray was gone, he only had once chance left.

"That's real good, I retard telling me how to act." Tommy said grimacing down at him. Carlos managed to struggle to his feet and tried to ram the bigger boy with his helmet but he wasn't fast enough. Tommy managed to grab him in a headlock. "Oh sorry Carlos, looks like I'm going to have to teach you a lesson." Carlos gasped as the bully's leg came up and hit him in the stomach.

Logan sat on the front porch staring at his watch. It had already been an hour since Carlos had left. He knew it was probably nothing, Carlos had probably just gotten distracted somewhere but he couldn't manage to shake the feeling in the pit of his stomach, the feeling that something was terribly wrong and that Carlos was in trouble. Logan got off the porch swing and paced glancing down at his watch every few moments to check the time. Finally a half hour after Carlos was supposed to have come back he reached in his pocket and pulled out his cell phone.

Kendall and James were sitting in the penalty box eating their dinner when Kendall's cell phone rang. He pulled it out of his pocket and glanced at the incoming number and winced at James apologetically.

"What's up?" He said impatiently as he flipped open the phone.

"Carlos was supposed to be back a half hour ago and he's still not here." Logan's voice was tight and panicked. It sounded like he was about to start crying.

"Logan, you know how short Carlos attention span is, he probably ended up stopping at the arcade on the way back or something." Kendall said logically.

"I know you're right, but I just can't shake the feeling that he's in trouble. Can we please go look for him? If I'm wrong I'll pay for your next date, but please come help me look for him." Logan's voice caught in his throat and almost broke. Kendall looked up at James an could tell from the look on his face that he'd been able to hear most of what was going on. James caught his eye and nodded quickly. He could only imagine what Logan felt like, he would be losing his mind if he thought Kendall was lying on the sidewalk somewhere hurt and bleeding.

"Alright, we'll be right there." Kendall said before shutting the phone. "I'm so sorry."

"It's okay, this was a great date, now let's go find Carlos." James replied as he began packing up his sandwich.

They didn't see Carlos at first. Tommy had drug him underneath a stand of bushes and left him. Logan walked right past before stopping dead in his tracks. He turned and ran back to the bushes kneeling to pull Carlos out. Dark bruises were blooming around his eyes, there was a trickle of blood dried beneath his nose and he groaned in pain as Logan pulled him into his lap.

"Oh god." Logan moaned as he smoothed his hand over Carlos's cheek.

"You should see the other guy." Carlos chuckled then groaned. He was pretty sure one of his ribs was cracked. "I think I broke his hand with my face."

"I'm going to go get Momma K." James said before turning to run back towards his grandmother's house.

"What happened to the pepper spray?" Logan said grimacing.

"I dropped it down the sewer; it's kind of hard to aim when they're using you as a kickball anyway." He managed a smile but it opened a cut on his lip and fresh red blood started flowing again. He began digging in his pocket.

"I have something to give to you, while were still alone….alone." He grunted looking up at Kendall. Kendall blinked before walking away a few feet .

"Can't this wait?" Logan asked as Carlos grunted trying to pull the ring box out of his pocket.

"Not really, you're going to freak out any minute now. Help me." Logan reached his hand into the pocket Carlos had been digging in. His eyes went wide as his fingers closed around the raggedy velvet of the box.

"Carlos…"

"Shh, give it here." Carlos muttered taking the ring box from Logan's nerveless finger. He popped the box open and took his mother's ring. It was awkward trying to guide the ring onto Logan's finger while lying in his lap but finally he managed. The band slid up easily as if it was meant to be there.

"I told you that you didn't' have to marry me." Logan said laughing nervously.

"I'm not proposing, Princess, it's just a promise." Carlos murmured. "I promise that I'm here for keeps. I don't care how many pretty girls smile at me, or how many crazy ladies throw things at us. I don't even care how many times assholes from high school beat the crap out of me. I'd rather be with you." Logan stared down at the ring on his finger before tears clouded his vision. He'd only seen the blue velvet box once. Carlos had snuck it out of his dad's room to show them once when they were younger. But it had made an impression on him. And he knew that Carlos' mother's wedding band was now on his finger. Just then Mamma Knight came running up and knelt beside Carlos.

"Kendall, go get the car. We're going to have to take him to the hospital. James call Manuel." She started barking out orders as her fingers smoothed over Carlos' face and ribs. When Kendall came back with the car he helped Logan carry Carlos to the back seat.

"I love you." Logan murmured as they rode to the hospital.

"Love you too, princess."

A/N: Well that's the conclusion to In the Rain. I hope you guys liked it. This is gonna have to be my last fan fiction for a while, I had another BTR fic lined up but I've come to realize that I've been spending way too much time working on fanfiction when I should be working on my books and short stories. But I've really loved writing In the Rain and hearing all your kind reviews, it's really meant a lot to me. Bonne nuite mon amis.


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